# The accumulated advice thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725 "2005-04-11T01:18:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/81 "2005-04-14T00:16:18Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > Q: Should I have the rice, baked potato or french fires with that? Always french fires. Burn you little frenchies, burn! > [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > What should I get my 15 year old nephew for his birthday? Porn, of course. How do I find out if the guy I like likes me, without letting him know I like him? ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/82 "2005-04-14T00:27:58Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > How do I kill a lurking grue? > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > How can I persuade Michaela that eggs are good food? > [@The Weird One](#): > > How do I find out if the guy I like likes me, without letting him know I like him? Develop your psychic skills. How do I get my neighbor to sell his place and move far, far away? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/83 "2005-04-14T00:35:49Z")
> [@Campion](#): > > How do I get my neighbor to sell his place and move far, far away? Find out what demographic he hates, and sell your house to one of them. How do I solve a problem like Maria? ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_LovelyLocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Lady\_LovelyLocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_LovelyLocks)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/84 "2005-04-14T00:59:21Z")
Originally posted by **kaylasdad99** : > [@](#): > > How do I solve a problem like Maria? Take the gun away from her. What is the answer to all of life’s annoying little problems? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/85 "2005-04-14T01:21:51Z")
BOOZE! How do I talk the guy who’s job I want into accepting a different postition? ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/86 "2005-04-14T01:22:44Z")
Read “The Joy of Sex” to him, and explain how it could benefit you both. I’m still trying to get rid of this lurking grue… ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/87 "2005-04-14T08:28:44Z")
> [@TellMeI'mNotCrazy](#): > > I’m still trying to get rid of this lurking grue… The same way you deal with skin infections, heretics, and pop culture sensations: Fire. And lots of it. How do I keep from losing the will to live? ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/88 "2005-04-14T08:43:47Z")
> [@Ranchoth](#): > > The same way you deal with skin infections, heretics, and pop culture sensations: Fire. And lots of it. > > How do I keep from losing the will to live? Candy and potato chips, baby, candy and potato chips. I’m leaving my apartment and the landlord wants it cleaned for showing prospective inhabitants. I’ve cleaned it as much as is humanly possible, but he still wants it to be even cleaner (without specifying how), and I don’t know how to make it any cleaner than this short of stripping the flooring and wallpaper. My question is: how do I clean an apartment that’s already clean? ---
**Author:** ![St\_Ides](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@St\_Ides](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Ides)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/89 "2005-04-14T09:05:48Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > Candy and potato chips, baby, candy and potato chips. > > How do I clean an apartment that’s already clean? Fire and lots of it. How am I supposed to plan a flight to Parry Sound when it’s already 5am, I have class at 8, then go see my grandparents, walk the dog and still get enough sleep that I’ll be able to fly at 8 tonight? ---
**Author:** ![St\_Ides](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@St\_Ides](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Ides)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/90 "2005-04-14T09:07:07Z")
Whoa. That was entirely unintentional. Sorry \*\*Ranchoth[/], I stole your answer. ---
**Author:** ![Re\_PT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a698b9/32.png) [@Re\_PT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Re_PT)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/91 "2005-04-14T09:55:04Z")
> [@St\_Ides](#): > > How am I supposed to plan a flight to Parry Sound when it’s already 5am, I have class at 8, then go see my grandparents, walk the dog and still get enough sleep that I’ll be able to fly at 8 tonight? Practice sleep-walking, teach your dog shorthand and cut a ping-pong ball in half and put a black dot on each half… Sleep-walk the dog to your class and get it to take notes whilst you pretend to be awake with the ping-pong ball over your shut eyes. Then sleep-walk to your grandparents and do the same thing. It’s probably okay to stop the dog from taking notes at this point. Q: I’m still pining for my old topless midget. How should I cure this? PT ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/92 "2005-04-14T14:22:40Z")
Nurse. How can I determine if work is monitoring our employee’s internet access? ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/93 "2005-04-14T14:23:01Z")
Get the midget a shirt. How can I stop biting my fingernails? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/94 "2005-04-14T15:28:27Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > How can I determine if work is monitoring our employee’s internet access? We are not monitoring yoiur internet access. Please don’t ask such questions again. And stop taking so many restroom breaks. [B}picker\*\* bite off your fingers. X-Box2 or Playstation 3? ---
**Author:** ![BelZarak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BelZarak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BelZarak)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/95 "2005-04-14T15:33:37Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > X-Box2 or Playstation 3? Sega Master System. Should I surprise my wife with flowers tonight? ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/96 "2005-04-14T15:44:13Z")
> [@BelZarak](#): > > Should I surprise my wife with flowers tonight? Yes, and a box of candy too. Why do I have such an aversion to dogs? ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/97 "2005-04-14T16:12:44Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > Yes, and a box of candy too. > > Why do I have such an aversion to dogs? It works like a magnet. Approach the dog while standing on your hands and you’ll be fine. Now that we have made Threadspotting, what else is there to do? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/98 "2005-04-14T16:25:08Z")
> [@Greenback](#): > > It works like a magnet. Approach the dog while standing on your hands and you’ll be fine. > Now that we have made Threadspotting, what else is there to do? Get labeled as subversives, be monitored by the CIA, and have our content included in the President’s morning summaries. How can I restore my joy in life and get a successful date with a voluptuous woman? ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/99 "2005-04-14T16:25:25Z")
Send cash donations to the person who submitted it. What should I have for lunch today? ---
**Author:** ![hotjinkies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8797f3/32.png) [@hotjinkies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotjinkies)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725/100 "2005-04-14T16:37:56Z")
Spam. And spam and eggs. And spam with a side of spam. Why do midwesterners believe the universe was created in 6000 years when, hello!!!, it’s was obviously 7500???!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-accumulated-advice-thread/298725.md?page=6)