# The Age of Grandparents? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 1, 2023, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127 "2023-02-01T00:02:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/41 "2023-02-03T04:35:11Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > No matter which way you slice it, why or why not, family ties are breaking down. Estrangement appears to be at an all-time high, people are no longer geographically close, attitudes about familial responsibilities have changed, and the upshot is that everyone’s lonely and isolated. I think that there will be, and all ready is a subtle reversal of the family trends of the late 20th century happening. Instead of the second generation getting jobs and homes of their own and moving away, the realities of housing are causing that generation to stay closer to home if they can. Many 30 year olds still living at home, and that will mean raising kids there too. Families with property subdividing and adding another house to their land to accomodate the next generation. I think we may well see a return to what used to be common. Grandparents having a very active role in the upbringing of the family. [Should a 30-Year-Old Live with Parents - Multi Gen Today](https://www.multigentoday.com/should-a-30-year-old-live-with-parents/#:~:text=30%2DYear%2DOlds%20Do%20Live%20with%20Their%20Parents,-The%20question%20really&text=It's%20no%20longer%20unusual%E2%80%94it's,the%20middle%20of%20that%20group.) ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/42 "2023-02-03T07:10:57Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Life expectancy at 60 was about 19 years in the 1970s, and is 23-24 years now. So theres been a few years added to senior years, but not a ton. I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to find numbers for how much life expectancy increases in the later years. I still can’t find good enough numbers that I want to post them. Clearly, though, most of the increases in human lifespan during the past few years (or decades or centuries) are because of the medical advances in improving health care for younger people. However, even for very old people, health care has also increased. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/43 "2023-02-03T08:14:36Z")
Here is one that shows increasing life expectancy at age 65 from 1970 to the present > **[Life expectancy at birth and age 65 by sex 1970–2021 and projection 2022–2070](https://www.scb.se/en/finding-statistics/statistics-by-subject-area/population/population-projections/population-projections/pong/tables-and-graphs/life-expectancy-at-birth-and-age-65-by-sex-and-projection/)** > > Life expectancy at birth and age 65 by sex 1970–2021 and projection 2022–2070 That’s Sweden. Here is one from Forbes for the US > **[How Long Can Retirees Expect To Live Once They Hit 65?](https://www.forbes.com/sites/wadepfau/2016/08/25/how-long-can-retirees-expect-to-live-once-they-hit-65/?sh=65f677496b4f)** > > In order not to deplete your assets in retirement, you must plan for an accurate length of life. Not a gigantic increase, but it is there. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/44 "2023-02-03T08:22:00Z")
One grandparent died over 20 years before I was born, another died when I was about 3. My maternal grandfather lasted until just before I turned 13, and my grandmother another 4 years. One issue though is that we are more mobile now. My living grandparents lived in Brooklyn and my parents moved all the way to Queens. None of my kids live anywhere near where they were born, and we moved also. So seeing them requires hopping on an airplane - or using Zoom. For my kids my parents lived all the way across the country, but my in-laws lived less than 50 miles away, so they saw them a lot more than they saw my parents. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/45 "2023-02-03T08:32:21Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > One issue though is that we are more mobile now. My living grandparents lived in Brooklyn and my parents moved all the way to Queens. None of my kids live anywhere near where they were born, and we moved also. So seeing them requires hopping on an airplane - or using Zoom. Your family’s situation is the opposite of the trends, though. Mobility has been declining for decades and is now at [record lows](https://www.brookings.edu/blog/the-avenue/2017/11/20/u-s-migration-still-at-historically-low-levels-census-shows/). People are more likely to stay where they are than ever before. Long-distance moves might be [going back up](https://www.brookings.edu/research/americans-local-migration-reached-a-historic-low-in-2022-but-long-distance-moves-picked-up/) a little, but not enough to counter the long decline. ---
**Author:** ![Loggins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Loggins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loggins)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/46 "2023-02-03T11:46:48Z")
My grandparents were both born i 1903 and one lived until 2001. She lived trough 2 world wars, and two Halleys Comet passings, the birth of the modern car, electricity, moon landing, Ipad, telephones, womans liberation (never seemed to phase her). The change from horse and carriage to cars. Medication progress, penicilin for instance. The emergence of cinema, the talkie movies after that. Jazz, grunge (🙂 ) Milk cartons, chewing gum, instnat coffee, cuba crisis, sovjet on and off, female athletes, Planes, Moonlanding, grand children, pommes frites, pizza, Monster drinks, vaccines. Well any other suggestions for someone born in 1903? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/47 "2023-02-03T17:52:19Z")
> [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > Your family’s situation is the opposite of the trends, though. Mobility has been declining for decades and is now at [record lows](https://www.brookings.edu/blog/the-avenue/2017/11/20/u-s-migration-still-at-historically-low-levels-census-shows/). People are more likely to stay where they are than ever before. Long-distance moves might be [going back up](https://www.brookings.edu/research/americans-local-migration-reached-a-historic-low-in-2022-but-long-distance-moves-picked-up/) a little, but not enough to counter the long decline. Interesting. But tables 2a and 2b show that while in-county mobility is declining, mobility across states is increasing, and that’s the one that counts. We moved locally twice when our kids were little, and the effect on closeness to their grandparents was the same as if we hadn’t moved at all. Moving to California, however, made a big difference. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/48 "2023-02-03T18:37:19Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I’m old enough to remember when Paul McCartney turned 64 I’m old enough to remember when he wrote that. And old enough to remember when I turned 64. But I like the OP question about things our grandparents taught us. I knew my paternal grandmother best and spent a lot of time with her; she’s the only person in my family I actually miss. She told me a lot about her childhood and family. From what she told me I can practically remember being allowed to go out and give Dobbin (the family horse) treats, especially if the family was going to use him soon – I can picture it almost as if it was I doing it, not her. BTW I gather “Dobbin” was a popular name for horses. I always thought it neat that Grandmother’s parents were wed on New Year’s Day, 1900, and she was born the following December. I don’t remember my paternal grandfather very well as I was only about 7 or 8 when he died, but I have a strong memory of him by reading his autobiography (published by a vanity press). the book described his childhood up to the time his parents divorced. He was born in 1890 and they divorced in 1900. I’ve always thought divorce couldn’t have been very common then in Kansas. Grandfather grew up knowing William Allen White, who I only heard of from him, until “What’s the Matter with Kansas” enjoyed something of a resurgence during the Trump years. Both these grand parents believed in education and encouraged my curiosity. Grandfather grew tired of people forgetting to turn the attic light off before closing up the folding stairs, so he wired an indicator light: a porcelain lamp socket on the wall in the upstairs hallway, with a big bulb spray painted red in the socket. As a toddler I was fascinated by this red light, so one time he and my father took it down and put it into a socket on a lamp cord, and let me play with it. I have a photo of me holding this while both of them beamed at me. I do feel that that child of the 19th century transferred a bit of tradition to me. He’d be 133 now, so being able to feel some kind of direct influence from him is exciting. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/49 "2023-02-03T18:46:09Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > That’s it. I remember the second pair fondly, but they were little more than hazy strangers then, and only vague impressions of hazy strangers now. I have no meaningful recollection of the first GM at all. I know we once visited some old lady & that’s it. So maybe it depends. Personally I think it’s tragic kids are growing up without their grandparents, but I recognize it could just be coming from an emotional place of having needed my grandparents and not being able to imagine being happy any other way. And I suspect a lot of my ire toward my FIL is related to feelings of abandonment by my own parental figures. It’s like in my mind I can’t separate him from a deadbeat Dad, with my son as this neglected kid. And it’s not even just physical presence, you know. I’m not _just_ talking about logistical support, though that would be nice. But in contrast, my husband’s mother, who is elderly and lives in another state, has provided more emotional support and guidance than the guy who is supposed to be living 30 minutes away from us (he’s rarely home, so I don’t know if he can be meaningfully said to live here, but he has a residence not far away.) He’s messed up in a lot of ways, so I’m not even sure I want him around any more. But before my son was born, we were close. We went for a walk in the woods together every Friday. I was able to share a lot with him and he provided a lot of support. There was no reason to imagine that would change, but he became a completely different person. Well, better said he became an exaggerated version of his worst character traits. He has told me that he’s ruined several relationships because of his sudden urgent need to become this other person, but he doesn’t seem to care. He has made no attempt to repair the damaged relationship with his son. And me, I guess I’m just stuck in this childhood idea of what an ideal grandparent should be. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/50 "2023-02-03T18:52:11Z")
I turn 56 this year. We have three adult children, and none have (yet) had children. It’s weird to realize that a lot of people my age are grandparents. I feel _ **way** _ too young to be a “grandpa.” Would feel weird if someone called me that. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/51 "2023-02-03T18:58:01Z")
My grandma (grandpa’s second wife) became a grandma in her early 20s. Can you imagine? My Mom was 19 and she was just a few years older. I’ve never known her as anything else. But she has a very conservative, old-fashioned personality, I feel like she’s been an old lady for as long as she’s been alive. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/52 "2023-02-03T19:12:52Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > So maybe it depends. Personally I think it’s tragic kids are growing up without their grandparents, but I recognize it could just be coming from an emotional place of having needed my grandparents and not being able to imagine being happy any other way. And I suspect a lot of my ire toward my FIL is related to feelings of abandonment by my own parental figures. It’s like in my mind I can’t separate him from a deadbeat Dad, with my son as this neglected kid. It does depend - I will be 60 this year and my two sets of grandparents couldn’t have been more different from each other. Which I might attribute to the fact that we lived in a two family house that my mother’s parents owned - except that my father’s parents lived a ten minute walk away and we saw them maybe twice a year. Which I still don’t comprehend - I can understand rarely seeing grandchildren who live far away , but a ten minute walk? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/53 "2023-02-03T19:31:18Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > So maybe it depends. Personally I think it’s tragic kids are growing up without their grandparents, but I recognize it could just be coming from an emotional place of having needed my grandparents and not being able to imagine being happy any other way. > > [giant snip] > > And me, I guess I’m just stuck in this childhood idea of what an ideal grandparent should be. I’d suggest that all else equal, having extended family nearby and involved would contribute to a happier childhood and a better-adjusted adulthood. I’ll also suggest that GP & GM are the most important positions in that caring family tree you hope to thrive within. The gotcha is to recall that all else is not equal. Even assuming everyone involved is a nice and caring person who’s lucky enough to live long enough, having your parents & parents-in-law involved in your kid(s) lives means that you must marry a person from your neighborhood of your hometown, and you two must then settle in that same neighborhood of that same hometown for the duration of your child-bearing & child-rearing years. And those grandparents must not have moved from the neighborhood where you were raised. Those can be a very life-limiting set of limitations. 100 or 400 years ago damn near everybody lived and died within a 20-mile radius of their birthplace, and probably most of those lived and died wholly within 5 miles of where they were born. For folks in that mileu, grandparents nearby was all-but universal and all-but automatic. Grandparental longevity was the only long pole in that now-ancient tent. Although when everybody is having their brood between age 15 & 20, extreme grandparental longevity was not as important as it is today. I like the area where I grew up. Both then and now. And it is an area of good schools and good economic opportunities. But to have lived my life there in the shadow of my parents, and needing to have chosen a spouse from that same tiny milieu feels like I’d have had to skip about 80% of what seems interesting and valuable about my subsequent life. And what if I had grown up in a distressed industrial town in the dying rust belt? I’m nobody special here. Just one more example among millions. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/54 "2023-02-03T19:38:55Z")
there for a while in starting in the mid-70s wasn’t there a trend because of parental lifestyle choices of grandparents raising their grandkids ? my grandparents raised or mostly raised 7 of her 13 grandkids also, I noticed it depends on race culture, and socioeconomic background also like most hispanic families are so tight its a stereotype, and African Americans not so much …until the parents were in jail and they were stuck with the kids when I was in the special ed/resource classes most everyone there was in foster homes or being raised by other relatives …I was one of the few that wasn’t as mom had gotten custody back … and the teachers wondered aloud if that was a good idea ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2023, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/55 "2023-02-03T19:43:09Z")
Neither of my paternal grandparents died of natural causes. My grandfather died in combat in WWII. Obviously I never knew him. My grandmother was killed in a car accident when I was 21 years old. On the other hand my maternal grandmother lived to 100 years old. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2023, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127/56 "2023-02-06T04:15:08Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > That’s it. I remember the second pair fondly, but they were little more than hazy strangers then, and only vague impressions of hazy strangers now. I have no meaningful recollection of the first GM at all. I know we once visited some old lady & that’s it. > > I don’t think my experience was _that_ atypical for a kid in the 1960s. Much less a kid in the 2020s. Yeah, or that of me and my brother and cousin in the 80s to mid-90s. My paternal grandmother died 14 months before I was born, and her husband immediately decided that his six children, who were between 30 and 22 years old were grown and didn’t need him anymore. He certainly didn’t _need them_, so I met him maybe 8 times before he died when I was 23, and I have 0 memories of having met him before my brother was born. My maternal grandmother died when I was 7, and though I was very fond of her, my memories of her are not the clearest. My brother was only 1 when she died, so he has no memories of her at all. My maternal grandfather was close to both my brother and I, and also my only paternal cousin who is 17 months younger than my brother, but we were 18, 12, and 11 when he died too. As for my cousin, his maternal grandfather died when he was very young, and his maternal grandmother was put into a home before he even started school, and I’m fairly certain she also died before he was 10. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-age-of-grandparents/979127.md?page=2)