# The artifical vagina (equine division) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [September 12, 2006, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400 "2006-09-12T13:43:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/1 "2006-09-12T13:43:35Z")
For those of you who find Our Perfect Master’s explanation of semen collection inadequately detailed, here’s some more information: [Handheld artifical vaginas](http://www.equine-reproduction.com/articles/avs.htm): Turns out they come (heh) in at least four different models, each with benefits and drawbacks. The authors of this webpage, efter extensive experience, prefer the French type. [Semen collection – step by step](http://www.equine-reproduction.com/articles/collection.htm): This article discusses how to train a stallion to use a breeding dummy, also known as a phantom mare. Complete with pictures! [The hand-job technique](http://www.equine-reproduction.com/articles/manual.htm): For those times when the phantom mare has a headache. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/2 "2006-09-12T13:49:56Z")
> [@](#): > > This article discusses how to train a stallion to use a breeding dummy, also known as a phantom mare. This is where Pasiphae got her ideas, isn’t it? [http://www.loggia.com/myth/pasiphae.html](http://www.loggia.com/myth/pasiphae.html) ---
**Author:** ![bibliophage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bibliophage/32/7615_2.png) [@bibliophage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bibliophage)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/3 "2006-09-12T15:39:12Z")
A link to the column being discussed is appreciated. It’s this one: [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3\_222.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_222.html) ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/4 "2006-09-12T16:24:29Z")
[QUOTE=bibliophage] A link to the column being discussed is appreciated. It’s this one: [http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3\_222.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_222.html) [/QUOTE] :smack: Damn, and I meant to do that! Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/5 "2006-09-12T17:44:40Z")
How often do the horse wranglers get kicked while they’re helping the stallion, um, find release? Seems pretty risky. Put me down as someone who does not _ever_ want this job. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2006, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/6 "2006-09-13T00:58:18Z")
The Discovery Channel’s _Dirty Jobs_ has a bit with breeding dummy, stallion, artificial vagina, pixelation, and one TV “host” by the name of Mike Rowe. Mr. Rowe has also participated in semen collection from a bull using an electro-ejaculator. Granted, they didn’t show all, but they showed enough for my taste and curiousity. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2006, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/7 "2006-09-13T06:10:33Z")
Wow. From the second link: > [@Second Link](#): > > As the stallion mounts the phantom, his erect penis should be deflected manually to one side of the phantom (if one is not using a phantom with a built-in AV). Most usually it is deflected to the left, as this is the side where the handlers are usually located. **Here the look of panic and determination on the AV handler’s face is as a result of the stallion’s penis having deflected itself to the right of the phantom.** It must be retrieved rapidly before the stallion moves up on the phantom and makes such a retrieval impossible. (bolding mine) Those brave men… ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2006, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/8 "2006-09-13T21:15:36Z")
I think one of James Herriot’s books has an episode where artificial insemination starts being adopted and he uses an AV for the first time. Without any training other than just reading the directions in the box. Everybody (including the bull) is happier after he finally gets expert advice. At any rate, the story covers the how-to as well as the not-how-to. ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/9 "2006-09-14T00:56:20Z")
Back in roughly 1982, there was an issue of OMNI magazine (now defunct?) about the collection of semen from valuable dairy bulls, and how it is divided, stored, and used. Temple Grandin’s book Animals in Translation also addresses this subject, though she touches more on the collection of boar semen, and the little individual ideosyncracies the boars have, including wanting rectal stimulation before they’re willing to ejaculate into the AV. ---
**Author:** ![Chotii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@Chotii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chotii)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2006, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-artifical-vagina-equine-division/372400/10 "2006-09-14T01:03:32Z")
Back in roughly 1982, there was an issue of OMNI magazine (now defunct?) about the collection of semen from valuable dairy bulls, and how it is divided, stored, and used. Temple Grandin’s book Animals in Translation also addresses this subject, though she touches more on the collection of boar semen, and the little individual ideosyncracies the boars have, including wanting rectal stimulation before they’re willing to ejaculate into the AV.