# The asshole kid with the cool dad **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2017, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984 "2017-01-12T20:14:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Grim\_Render](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@Grim\_Render](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grim_Render)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2017, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/21 "2017-01-14T19:04:59Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > You might try talking to them about the problem and suggest to them that they put their kid in a traditional martial arts class (not MMA). The constant emphasis on discipline and focus will do wonders for the kid. There is NO WAY this can go wrong! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2017, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/22 "2017-01-14T20:18:48Z")
> [@Grim\_Render](#): > > There is NO WAY this can go wrong! Cobra Kai! ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2017, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/23 "2017-01-14T20:42:42Z")
But has the kid Rick Rolled anybody yet? If not he might still be salvaged. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2017, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/24 "2017-01-15T23:35:20Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > As the parent of a difficult child who surely has been labelled “the asshole kid” more than once, this makes me a little sad. > > Not knowing any of the details of what the parents are or aren’t doing (it sounds like you don’t socialize with them, so most of the behaviour described is happening at school?) it’s hard to say whether I agree with **Roderick Femm** or not. I do agree that parents need to get their kids and themselves whatever help and support is needed, but sometimes that is happening more than is evident to the casual observer, so saying the parents can’t possibly be cool if they ignore the kid acting up might be a little harsh. > > OP, does the dad literally stand there and do nothing while his kid is physically assaulting other kids? I went to pick up my kid at pre-school and saw him kicking the other kid. He was three so I don’t wouldn’t hold it against him if he wasn’t a fucking pain in the ass today. > [@](#): > > Or are you assuming he’s doing nothing based on the way the kid behaves at school? Or does he stand there and ignore the other behaviours you described, aside from the physical violence? He steps in when he jumps on another kid but doesn’t really do anything when his kid is being disruptive and uncooperative. > [@](#): > > It can be more complicated than you might know, from the outside. Maybe befriending this family is exactly what they need – they could be going through more than you realize, and no matter how big of a jerk you think that kid is, he’s still a friendless kid with issues, and that’s really sad. My kid is not a therapy device for their kid. My kid already has more contact with this kid than he wants. It doesn’t seem to be autism or anything like that, he doesn’t have any obvious developmental problems. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2017, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/25 "2017-01-15T23:47:16Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > is he actually using terms like “express himself?” If so, I’d still look towards the parents. they might be nice people in person, but far too permissive and hands-off as parents. We have these parent helper volunteer positions where a different parent comes in once a week to help arts and crafts or something with the kids. I went in one day and they were making turkeys out of surgical gloves and this kid decided that he was going to work on something with clay. He headed over to the box of clay and started to make something. The teacher told him no and he started crying because he wanted to “be creative” and make something out of clay and he didn’t want to make turkeys and he bawled and bawled until they took him out of the classroom. He’s 7. AFAICT, these parents are trying to raise a non-conformist creative “individual” and they ended up with an asshole. Someone asked if he has siblings and his sister is in junior high school and she is an artsy non-conformist individual. But she does not have discipline issues, she is very opinionated as kids her age are but she is polite and well behaved. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2017, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/26 "2017-01-15T23:52:10Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > He steps in when he jumps on another kid but doesn’t really do anything when his kid is being disruptive and uncooperative. > > My kid is not a therapy device for their kid. My kid already has more contact with this kid than he wants. It doesn’t seem to be autism or anything like that, he doesn’t have any obvious developmental problems. What grade? Lower elementary? I’m not sure I understand the “organized” activities situation. Is this during regular school where there is a teacher and if so, then what is the teacher doing? If not, then who is in charge and why isn’t this being handled by them? More than 50% of my teaching load now is for kindergarten and lower elementary school and I can’t imagine depending on parents for discipline, so I have to believe we’re missing part of the explanation. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2017, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/27 "2017-01-15T23:53:24Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > You might try talking to them about the problem and suggest to them that they put their kid in a traditional martial arts class (not MMA). The constant emphasis on discipline and focus will do wonders for the kid. There are very few things that are less welcome than criticism of your children and your parenting skills. I agree that some sort of martial art would probably help if they enrolled him in an immersive after school and weekend program (effectively replacing his parents with martial arts instructors). But I’m not going to tell him that his kid’s an asshole and needs discipline in an environment where lack of discipline will get you knocked on your ass. AFAICT, he recognizes that his son is a bit of a pain but thinks its within the boundaries of normal. He doesn’t seem to think its a serious problem. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/28 "2017-01-16T00:25:25Z")
_“You’ve gotta help us, doc! We’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas!”_ ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/29 "2017-01-16T00:44:54Z")
Does this boy, or his parents, constantly call your son, stop by the house uninvited, etc. or does he just bother your son at school? You definitely need to establish boundaries, that’s for sure. Hard to do with kids in the same class, I know. Is the situation bad enough with your son that changing schools might be necessary? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/30 "2017-01-16T01:38:09Z")
I don’t have much advice, but my god, please stop calling a 7 year old child an “asshole”. ---
**Author:** ![Maurie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@Maurie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maurie)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/31 "2017-01-16T19:03:11Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > My kid is not a therapy device for their kid. My kid already has more contact with this kid than he wants. It doesn’t seem to be autism or anything like that, he doesn’t have any obvious developmental problems. There’s a difference between my suggestion of being kind to a family potentially having a rough time and your kid being a “therapy device”. You’re convinced that they’re just lazy, so not knowing them I’ll have to take your word for it. But you calling a little kid an “asshole” while claiming that dad is cool is really puzzling to me. Not many kids are actually assholes, and the ones who do behave in such destructive ways are usually really unhappy, either because their parents aren’t parenting or because there’s something wrong. Your lack of empathy towards a sad little kid who doesn’t know how to make friends doesn’t paint a picture of you as a perfect parent either. I agree that your son shouldn’t be forced to hang out with him if he doesn’t enjoy his company, but I sure hope that you don’t call him an asshole around your son. Poor kid. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/32 "2017-01-16T19:13:00Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Does this boy, or his parents, constantly call your son, stop by the house uninvited, etc. or does he just bother your son at school? > > You definitely need to establish boundaries, that’s for sure. Hard to do with kids in the same class, I know. Is the situation bad enough with your son that changing schools might be necessary? No, changing schools is not necessary. They ask me when we see each other at school functions. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/33 "2017-01-16T19:16:25Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > There’s a difference between my suggestion of being kind to a family potentially having a rough time and your kid being a “therapy device”. > > You’re convinced that they’re just lazy, so not knowing them I’ll have to take your word for it. But you calling a little kid an “asshole” while claiming that dad is cool is really puzzling to me. Not many kids are actually assholes, and the ones who do behave in such destructive ways are usually really unhappy, either because their parents aren’t parenting or because there’s something wrong. Your lack of empathy towards a sad little kid who doesn’t know how to make friends doesn’t paint a picture of you as a perfect parent either. I agree that your son shouldn’t be forced to hang out with him if he doesn’t enjoy his company, but I sure hope that you don’t call him an asshole around your son. Poor kid. To the OP: Not your circus, not your monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/34 "2017-01-16T19:23:24Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > There’s a difference between my suggestion of being kind to a family potentially having a rough time and your kid being a “therapy device”. > > You’re convinced that they’re just lazy, so not knowing them I’ll have to take your word for it. But you calling a little kid an “asshole” while claiming that dad is cool is really puzzling to me. Not many kids are actually assholes, and the ones who do behave in such destructive ways are usually really unhappy, either because their parents aren’t parenting or because there’s something wrong. Your lack of empathy towards a sad little kid who doesn’t know how to make friends doesn’t paint a picture of you as a perfect parent either. I agree that your son shouldn’t be forced to hang out with him if he doesn’t enjoy his company, but I sure hope that you don’t call him an asshole around your son. Poor kid. I don’t call him an asshole around my kid. I do that for my kid’s sake, not the other kid’s sake. This kid looks, walks and quacks like an asshole. A self entitled, spoiled brat, the rules don’t apply to me, asshole. I may not have enough empathy for this kid to subject my kid to this asshole but I think that makes me a better parent, not a worse one. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/35 "2017-01-16T19:26:30Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > To the OP: Not your circus, not your monkeys. Yeah, he only intersects with our lives peripherally. I just feel a bit guilty whenever they ask for a playdate and I have to make excuses because I don’t want to tell these parents that their kid has behavioral issues that makes him an asshole. I wish the best for him and I hope he grows out of it. He is in the cub scouts now and the dad gets to see his son side by side with other boys and I think he is learning the difference between “boys will be boys” and “gee my kid’s an asshole” So I have some hope that the parenting will change. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/36 "2017-01-16T20:06:45Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > I don’t call him an asshole around my kid. I do that for my kid’s sake, not the other kid’s sake. > > This kid looks, walks and quacks like an asshole. A self entitled, spoiled brat, the rules don’t apply to me, asshole. I may not have enough empathy for this kid to subject my kid to this asshole but I think that makes me a better parent, not a worse one. You can do what’s best for your child without being an ass yourself towards a small child who probably has either mental/developmental issues or is the victim of lousy parenting. It’s not impossible to have empathy and protect your kid. Protecting your kid is good. Lacking empathy to a little kid who has a raw deal is pretty lousy. An asshole is someone who has a choice and is purposely is a jerk. You cannot expect a 7 year old to have that much agency in what’s going on. Just because a 7 year old acts out, has poor impulse control, and hasn’t been taught good social skills may make the parents assholes, not the kid. The kid needs better help and parenting and bad behavior shouldn’t be tolerated, but calling him an asshole? That’s pretty petty. I think it’s pretty telling that since I mentioned about calling the kid an asshole you’ve used it multiple times, in numerous posts. Aren’t you a gem. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/37 "2017-01-16T23:13:29Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > Yeah, he only intersects with our lives peripherally. I just feel a bit guilty whenever they ask for a playdate and I have to make excuses because I don’t want to tell these parents that their kid has behavioral issues that makes him an asshole. I wish the best for him and I hope he grows out of it. > > He is in the cub scouts now and the dad gets to see his son side by side with other boys and I think he is learning the difference between “boys will be boys” and “gee my kid’s an asshole” So I have some hope that the parenting will change. Tell the parents why you don’t want their child playing with yours. It probably won’t be the first time they’ve heard it. :smack: And just hope that the parents don’t eventually pull a stunt like this. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=807356](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=807356) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/38 "2017-01-16T23:14:34Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You can do what’s best for your child without being an ass yourself towards a small child who probably has either mental/developmental issues or is the victim of lousy parenting. It’s not impossible to have empathy and protect your kid. Protecting your kid is good. Lacking empathy to a little kid who has a raw deal is pretty lousy. > > An asshole is someone who has a choice and is purposely is a jerk. You cannot expect a 7 year old to have that much agency in what’s going on. Just because a 7 year old acts out, has poor impulse control, and hasn’t been taught good social skills may make the parents assholes, not the kid. The kid needs better help and parenting and bad behavior shouldn’t be tolerated, but calling him an asshole? That’s pretty petty. > > I think it’s pretty telling that since I mentioned about calling the kid an asshole you’ve used it multiple times, in numerous posts. Aren’t you a gem. This x 1000. The OP seems to really like the word “asshole”. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2017, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/39 "2017-01-16T23:24:47Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You can do what’s best for your child without being an ass yourself towards a small child who probably has either mental/developmental issues or is the victim of lousy parenting. It actually does say a lot more about the OP than the child. I’m going to go against the tide and agree with the OP to not interact with the child. Don’t feel bad. It’s no fun interacting with an asshole. Parents shouldn’t force their children to be subject to being around assholes. So, it’s in the best interest of the little boy to not be forced to deal with the OP. He’s the only asshole here. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2017, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984/40 "2017-01-17T16:40:10Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You can do what’s best for your child without being an ass yourself towards a small child who probably has either mental/developmental issues or is the victim of lousy parenting. It’s not impossible to have empathy and protect your kid. Protecting your kid is good. Lacking empathy to a little kid who has a raw deal is pretty lousy. What makes you think I am being an ass to the kid? Calling him an asshole on an anonymous chat board is not hurting him in any way. > [@](#): > > An asshole is someone who has a choice and is purposely is a jerk. You cannot expect a 7 year old to have that much agency in what’s going on. Just because a 7 year old acts out, has poor impulse control, and hasn’t been taught good social skills may make the parents assholes, not the kid. The kid needs better help and parenting and bad behavior shouldn’t be tolerated, but calling him an asshole? That’s pretty petty. No, you don’t need to be an adult to be an asshole. You don’t have to be consciously trying to be a jerk to be an asshole. You don’t have to be responsible for your assholery to be an asshole. The only requirement to be an asshole is being an asshole. He may not be responsible for being an asshole but he is an asshole nonetheless. Most of the assholes I know are not 100% responsible for becoming assholes. Part of it is the personality they were born with (and if you want to call it a raw deal, that’s your prerogative), and part of it is how they were raised. This kid seems to have both. > [@](#): > > I think it’s pretty telling that since I mentioned about calling the kid an asshole you’ve used it multiple times, in numerous posts. Aren’t you a gem. You seem to be under the impression that kids can’t be assholes. I think that people like you enable this sort of behaviour in kids. Stop trying to turn every asshole kid into some kid with psychiatric issues. Some kids are just assholes that think that the world should revolve around snowflakes like them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-asshole-kid-with-the-cool-dad/776984.md?page=3)