# The Attention Ho Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2004, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621 "2004-06-22T13:32:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/101 "2004-06-23T22:55:16Z")
> [@flamingbananas](#): > > NO! I WIN! I’M YOUNGER! I’M AUTOMATICLY THE CENTER OF ATTENTION! I’M A KID! AHHHHHH! NOOOOO MEEEE MEE EMEEEEE! _STOMPS FOOT_ _POUTS IN CENTER OF THREAD_ I think we can all agree on the saying that children should be seen and not heard. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2004, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/102 "2004-06-23T23:07:51Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > \*\*zoogirl \*\* > you make me hurl! > you think you’re such a pearl? > around my little finger you will curl > as my poem does unfurl. > Sorry if I make your senses whirl > but who died and made you earl? > Ah, go sit and twirl! > 😛 It’s hardly worth the effort To counter what you writ When I’ve seen so much better Even in the Pit! It’s obvious to everyone You’re just a little twit Trying to top my greatness With your harmless snit! HA! So THERE! ( Note to mods - need thumb nose smiley!) ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/103 "2004-06-24T01:07:27Z")
> [@zoogirl](#): > > It’s hardly worth the effort > To counter what you writ > When I’ve seen so much better > Even in the Pit! > It’s obvious to everyone > You’re just a little twit > Trying to top my greatness > With your harmless snit! > > HA! So THERE! > > ( Note to mods - need thumb nose smiley!) Follow rhyme and meter! What, are you some cheater? :dubious: I must say you’re poem was utterly charm-less, as the words should have rhymed with **harmless**. But now that I’ve used about the only one, **zoogirl** ’s attempt should be lots of fun! 😛 ( Note to mods - Ditto!) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/104 "2004-06-24T01:08:43Z")
[Provider 1] 500 quatloos on Hal Briston! Hal, thanks for adding the sig line. I’m honored. He is my Thrall. [/Provider 1] ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/105 "2004-06-24T01:52:14Z")
Hmph. I don’t need any fancy coding. I don’t need any colors, smilies, fonts, or weird little pictures that some people can make by typing in things like &+5674 and having it turn out looking like art. Nope, I can just quietly sit here, in the corner, reading in the dark. Hmm? Oh, no, dear. I don’t need you to turn on the light for me. I’ll just slowly go blind in my efforts to learn more about myself. Yes, I said myself. The journey to self-fulfillment and spiritual enlightenment is one full of peril and self-loathing, but it is one that everyone must make. What’s that? You haven’t started on your trip? Well, well. I pity you. I pity the dark, unwholesome life you must be leading, for you do not understand the greatness that is me. You see, I’m undergoing this spiritual journey to learn about myself, and you must also learn to be me before you can become yourself. I am the alpha and the omega. I am the light and the dark. I am the creatures that go bump in the night, and the light that scares them away. I am all seeing, all knowing. You think I don’t know what you did last night, you dirty little thing? I know. I always know. * * * Note to anyone who actually read all that - I don’t know what it means either, but I wrote it, and that makes me better than you. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/106 "2004-06-24T01:59:44Z")
> [@lightingtool](#): > > * * * > > Note to anyone who actually read all that - I don’t know what it means either, but I wrote it, and that makes me better than you. Well, I skipped over the whole thing, so that makes me smarter than you. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lightingtool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/107 "2004-06-24T02:07:01Z")
Jeeze. Isn’t anybody else going to post in this thread? I was all happy that I posted the first reply, but … Oh, wait. Other people _have_ posted. How … cute. ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/108 "2004-06-24T02:26:53Z")
I’m young and I have a cool username, except that I’m really bad at attention-whoring and am too lazy to code retina-searing large text. But I have a bunny! His name is William. Perhaps I will post links to his photographs later. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/109 "2004-06-24T03:55:33Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > Follow rhyme and meter! > What, are you some cheater? :dubious: > I must say you’re poem was utterly charm-less, > as the words should have rhymed with **harmless**. > But now that I’ve used about the only one, > **zoogirl** ’s attempt should be lots of fun! 😛 > > ( Note to mods - Ditto!) 😃 A fight of wits? A war of words? With one so plainly arms-less?! No sword of skill No shield of will No threat - just weak and harmless! (zoogirl wields her rapier sharp verbal jabs and leaves a fallen harmless in her wake. ) The rest of you may now bow and kiss the hem of my garment. You may grovel, too. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/110 "2004-06-24T06:48:13Z")
I’m still _naked_, people! ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/111 "2004-06-24T07:04:18Z")
> [@Really Not All That Bright](#): > > I’m still _naked_, people! Ah, but how **many** naked people? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/112 "2004-06-24T13:46:10Z")
**I** just thought **I’d** interject that _all_ are naked when compared to the gloriousness that is **me**. You’re welcome. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/113 "2004-06-26T03:51:47Z")
People say to me, “Shannon, are you a feminist?” And I tell them, " No, people, I am not." So they ask me, " Don’t you care about women’s rights?" I say " Yes, I do." And they point out, " Shannon, _you_ are a woman." And I stare at them for pointing out the obvious until they continue. " If you’re a woman, and you care about women’s rights, why aren’t you a feminist?" So I look right at them and tell them " If I was a feminist, I’d have to think women are better then men, right?" And they’d grudgingly nod. " I don’t like that. I prefer to consider myself an elitist, so I can look down on _everyone_ regardless of their gender." Then the people, well, they stare at me in awe, floored by my wisdom. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/114 "2004-06-26T17:07:04Z")
First of all, I’d like to say that there are no losers here. Each and every one of you is a winner by virtue of thinking you had a right to be in the competition. However, there’s only one prize, and that prize goes to…ta da da da da… **harmless** [smattering of stunned and resentful applause] ## It is the judge’s opinion that **harmless** perhaps _wanted_ to win the title a little more than anyone else and showed a fierce determination not to be overshadowed. There’s no doubt that **harmless** swept the talent competition. Additionally, **harmless** showed flexibility, as well as a great deal of snarkiness under stress. Other than modestly listing a few qualifications in her initial post, **harmless** never felt the need to promote or justify her qualifications for the title. Like all the truly great Attention Ho’s, **harmless** never doubted that her gift was so blindingly obvious it would speak for itself. The choice of prizes is: [ul] [li]The [“It’s All About Me” decal](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001DQQA4/ref=wl_it_dp/103-9768452-1963011?%5Fencoding=UTF8&coliid=I31CXXCJVTDMQM&colid=3NJE13P4N4YY4)[/li][li]The aforementioned book, [Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0743214285/ref=wl_it_dp/103-9768452-1963011?%5Fencoding=UTF8&coliid=I3NF4CB8FT08G4&colid=3NJE13P4N4YY4)[/li][li][My Book About Me, by Me Myself](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0394800931/ref=wl_it_dp/103-9768452-1963011?%5Fencoding=UTF8&coliid=I1DPEACWGCQL4M&colid=3NJE13P4N4YY4) by Dr. Seuss[/li] [/ul] I’ll be sending you an email, **harmless,** to let you know how to claim your prize. Hail **harmless,** SDMD Attention Ho 2004. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2004, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/115 "2004-06-26T17:21:39Z")
> [@harmless](#): > > Ok, time to get serious. > > : pantses **lainaf** : > : pantses **Ethilrist** : > : pantses **AngelicGemma** : > : pantses **Hal Briston** : > : pantses **swampbear** : > : pantses **Kallessa** : > : pantses **flamingbananas** : > : pantses **earthpuppy** : > : pantses **Tupug Anachi** : > : pantses **Rufus Xavier** : > : pantses **harmless** : woopsie! 😛 : repantses : > : pantses **SanguineSpider** : > : pantses **torie** : > : pantses **Ponder Stibbons** : > : pantses **Chimpy** : > : pantses **SolGrundy** : > : pantses **stately plump buck mulligan** : > : pantses **pontia** : > : pantses **OldBroad** : > : pantses **emekthian** : > : pantses **TheOnlySaneOne** : > : pantses **Picasso Feet** : > : pantses **Exgineer** : > : pantses **Master Wang-Ka** : > : pantses **robgruver** : > : pantses **Really Not All That Bright** : > : pantses **Silver Fire** : > : pantses **Seeker74** : > : pantses **Maureen** : > > And if any of you want to try to claim you weren’t wearing pants then I’m afraid we’ve just had a horrible accident. Nothing that can’t be fixed with duct tape, though. 😛 You tore my muu-muu! :o I wear a muu-muu because i am better than you people and so i can be different. ---
**Author:** ![harmless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@harmless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmless)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/116 "2004-06-27T00:13:40Z")
> [@lainaf](#): > > First of all, I’d like to say that there are no losers here. Of course there is; everyone except me. 😉 > [@lainaf](#): > > Each and every one of you is a winner by virtue of thinking you had a right to be in the competition. However, there’s only one prize, and that prize goes to…ta da da da da… > **harmless** Well, was there any doubt? Just gaze upon the greatness that is me! Go ahead! I permit it. 😃 I not-so-humbly accept: My Book About Me, by Me Myself by Dr. Seuss 🙂 > [@lainaf](#): > > [smattering of stunned and resentful applause] and one more time! > [@lainaf](#): > > [smattering of stunned and resentful applause] > [@lainaf](#): > > Hail **harmless,** SDMD Attention Ho 2004. Ya dang right. 🆒 First off, I would like to thank Og Almighty, for giving everyone so little and me so much. I deserve more attention than you, and you, and I don’t even know you, but I deserve more attention than you. And as I sip my soda that I’m sure somebody spit in, I just would like to say to all of you; Neener, neener. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go home and put some water in **Hal Briston** ’s mamas dish. Good evening. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/117 "2004-06-27T04:07:14Z")
What?! **harmless** won? That shameless hussey? That bold piece of brass? That…that… ATTENTION HO?!!! Oh. Right. Um, congrats, I guess. (zoogirl shuffles off, sniveling) ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/118 "2004-06-27T15:45:42Z")
**Harmless** won? But…but…_chin quivers_ I SHOULD WIN! _throws sobbing tantrum_ Can I at least get an honorable mention? _runs off sobbing_ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621/119 "2004-06-27T18:00:13Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **SolGrundy** _ > > I would just like to announce that I wish to be called by my new Kaballah name, “Esther.” Madonna? Is that you? In other news . . . winner chosen . . . thread closed. **Cajun Man** for the SDMB [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-attention-ho-thread/251621.md?page=5)