# The backlash against helicopter parents? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322 "2009-05-04T19:39:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/21 "2009-05-05T14:23:31Z")
If the parents want to get in on the interview, that is just opening the door. They will want to impact scheduling, the employees their kid is on a shift with and other work related things that are none of their business. It would be bad practice to open that door. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/22 "2009-05-05T14:42:03Z")
> [@CurtC](#): > > “Helicopter” parents? What’s that? > > I’m 47, and my oldest kid is 12, so maybe I’m in a gap, but I’ve never come across this term. It generally refers to pervasive, “hovering” parenting which continues on well after childhood into post adolescence and adulthood. I think I’ve seen the term most invoked in relation to college students who are still in constant contact with parents via cell phones, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/23 "2009-05-05T14:56:31Z")
> [@sunacres](#): > > Not that parents didn’t ever “get involved” in earlier generations, but nothing like todays parents. Not even close. I was on a “mommy board” and a woman was setting up her first playdate for her four year old with friends from pre-school. She was asking for advice on which activites to do and what their agenda should be. A two hour playdate and she knew that the girls would do some crafts (but not paint or playdoh - too messy - does anyone have any good craft ideas for four year olds that aren’t messy?), then play a game, then they’d have a snack of goldfish crackers and apple juice - that would be ok, wouldn’t it?. After that the girls would do some “creative play” out of the dress up trunk - that would be enough - don’t you think? My kids playdates were always more along the line of “yeah, sure, drop em off. I’ll make sure they don’t kill his little sister or set fire to the dog.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/24 "2009-05-05T15:01:29Z")
I dunno. A generation ago people lived in their parent’s houses until they married. Now, we complain that society is coming to an end because a few kids need help in their late twenties and move back in to rebuild savings or make a career change. And yes, addiction cases are different, and enabling parents will reap what they sow. I think every generation thinks that the one below it is not as independent as it should be. > [@](#): > > You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762 > [@](#): > > In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children. The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and childish adults. ~Thomas Szasz, 1951 ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/25 "2009-05-05T15:16:37Z")
As a 48-year-old parent, I can definitely attest to the tendency to hover over and smooth the path for children today in a way that my parents, and the parents in my generation, did not. In my time, a six-year-old walking to a store to buy something, or get a haircut, etc., was not uncommon. Today, in middle-class neighborhoods, much less likely. In my time, while there were organized sports leagues for kids, there was also a lot of pick-up sports activity at the local park. Today, if you drive around and look at ball diamonds, football fields, tennis courts, etc., you see very little such activity. However, it certainly seems that a larger percentage of children are involved in one or more organized sports, such as soccer (which was almost non-existant when I grew up). As a parent who has access to much more sophisticated methods of communicating with my children than my parents had, it’s not surprising that we like to keep in touch. As a parent who’s children have grown up in an environment where we are consistently reminded of the “bad” things that can happen, it’s not surprising that we worry and protect to a level not done in the past. It would take a LOT of counter-acting publicity about the supposedly negative effects of such parenting before parents change their behaviors. As a parent, as a result, I am constantly trying to find ways to instill in my children an ability to make correct choices and handle responsibility. That becomes quite a challenge when I want to “hover.” ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/26 "2009-05-05T15:25:04Z")
> [@DSYoungEsq](#): > > As a 48-year-old parent, I can definitely attest to the tendency to hover over and smooth the path for children today in a way that my parents, and the parents in my generation, did not. > > In my time, a six-year-old walking to a store to buy something, or get a haircut, etc., was not uncommon. Today, in middle-class neighborhoods, much less likely. > > In my time, while there were organized sports leagues for kids, there was also a lot of pick-up sports activity at the local park. Today, if you drive around and look at ball diamonds, football fields, tennis courts, etc., you see very little such activity. However, it certainly seems that a larger percentage of children are involved in one or more organized sports, such as soccer (which was almost non-existant when I grew up). > > As a parent who has access to much more sophisticated methods of communicating with my children than my parents had, it’s not surprising that we like to keep in touch. As a parent who’s children have grown up in an environment where we are consistently reminded of the “bad” things that can happen, it’s not surprising that we worry and protect to a level not done in the past. It would take a LOT of counter-acting publicity about the supposedly negative effects of such parenting before parents change their behaviors. > > As a parent, as a result, I am constantly trying to find ways to instill in my children an ability to make correct choices and handle responsibility. That becomes quite a challenge when I want to “hover.” Another factor I think is that on average people (or at least middle-class type people) are having children older and having fewer of them. A parent in his or her 40s with a single kid is more likely to “hover” than a parent in his or her 20s with three or four of 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/27 "2009-05-05T15:27:31Z")
> [@DSYoungEsq](#): > > In my time, while there were organized sports leagues for kids, there was also a lot of pick-up sports activity at the local park. Today, if you drive around and look at ball diamonds, football fields, tennis courts, etc., you see very little such activity. However, it certainly seems that a larger percentage of children are involved in one or more organized sports, such as soccer (which was almost non-existant when I grew up). But how much of that is due to these fields being locked when not in use by an organization? There’s a public baseball diamond/football field down the street from me. When not in use by a school or an athletic league, the gate to the fenced in field is locked. The only thing open is the playground. And when I was a kid, we were constantly chased off of the soccer field by my house by the police because the neighbors didn’t like it when anyone played any sport except soccer there. See, soccer balls are harmless, but a baseball could go through someone’s window. So we were “a menace.” ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/28 "2009-05-05T15:49:47Z")
> [@Claire\_Beauchamp](#): > > HR departments are now having to learn how to deal with parents of applicants who want to sit in on interviews, complain when Junior didn’t get the job, etc. I don’t get it. What response could an interviewer have for the parents except “Sorry, but your presence is not relevant to this interview.” What power do the parents have in situations like this? How are they forcing their way into these interviews? I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/29 "2009-05-05T16:30:35Z")
I saw a story on CNN several months ago about parents sitting in on job interviews with their children, and the kids weren’t dropout losers, they were Ivy League graduates. The story touted the benefits for the applicant — he or she would have the experience of the parents sitting right there, asking about benefits, retirement and other perqs. The employers interviewed didn’t seem particularly pissed about it; if anything, they chalked it up to the cost of doing business. They weren’t getting all the qualified applicants they needed, and if mama and daddy insisted upon being there, there wasn’t a lot they could do about it. Now that I think about it, I’m sure this story was aired before the current economic crisis hit. I was appalled when I saw it, but not surprised. A friend works in the counseling office of a university and she first told me about helicopter parents calling all the time. Another friend worked, for a while, in the housing office of a large university. The abuse she suffered at the hands of parents demanding their child be placed in particular housing situations, even though they’d missed clearly announced deadlines, drove her out of the job. She had to leave early one day, when she was sure an extremely angry man was on the Interstate ready to come kill her. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/30 "2009-05-05T16:38:55Z")
Here’s a [Forbes article](http://www.forbes.com/2006/11/08/leadership-careers-jobs-lead-careers-cx_tw_1109kids.html). It’s from 2006. > [@](#): > > Now, more than ever, career counselors and recruiters say parents attend job fairs, accompany their adult children to job interviews and even make their interview appointments. Rather than ridicule the behavior, companies like Merrill Lynch, Office Depot and others are starting to include parents in their recruiting efforts. and > [@](#): > > Privately, many recruiters say they’re troubled by this behavior. But some seem more willing to embrace the trend than to mock it, especially as the labor market tightens. Instead of ridiculing hovering helicopter parents, some companies now try to woo parents and children. and > [@](#): > > But it raises the question: Do companies want employees working for them who can’t even set up their own job interview? Daphne Atkinson, vice president of industry relations at the Graduate Management Admissions Council, says society need to understand where this generation is coming from. Unlike their parents and grandparents, if the Millennials had a problem, they didn’t have to wait hours or days to get in touch with their parents for advice. They simply picked up their cell phone or shot them an e-mail, text or instant message. Millennials also came of age in the aftermath of Sept. 11, which made for some very nervous and protective parents. > > “This is not bad or good, it’s just different,” says Atkinson. "There’s less rebellion and disrespect than there has ever been. Parents are considered trusted advisers. It may look like I’m defending this behavior, I’m not. I think it’s a sorry trend. But it’s a trend, and it goes back at least three years. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/31 "2009-05-05T16:41:57Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > “Can my mom sit in on the interview?” > “No.” > “Why not?” > “Because she’s not going to be coming to work with you.” > “Why didn’t Junior get the job?” > “Junior wasn’t the best fit for the position of the applicants reviewed.” > “Why not?!” > “We are not required to divulge that information.” \ If any kid showed up to an interview with his parents I wouldn’t even see them, and I’d tell them and their parents to their faces that we are looking for someone who can work independently. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/32 "2009-05-05T17:48:14Z")
I don’t understand how those kids can even look the interviewer in the face. In my day, even a 12 year old trying to get a paper route would have sooner gotten a root canal than have his mother go to an interview with him. That must really impress the chicks in the office when a grown ass man shows up for a job interview with his mommy. ---
**Author:** ![Lantern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d26b3c/32.png) [@Lantern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lantern)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/33 "2009-05-05T17:54:26Z")
Frankly I call BS on stories of young people who bring their parents to job interviews. If it happens I bet it’s vanishingly rare and mostly explained by special circumstances like a serious handicap. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/34 "2009-05-05T18:05:58Z")
> [@Lantern](#): > > Frankly I call BS on stories of young people who bring their parents to job interviews. If it happens I bet it’s vanishingly rare and mostly explained by special circumstances like a serious handicap. I must say I’ve never actually seen it happen - just much talk about it happening. Somewhere. I work in a law firm: an interviewee is as likely to show up with parent as without clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/35 "2009-05-05T18:25:15Z")
> [@Lantern](#): > > Frankly I call BS on stories of young people who bring their parents to job interviews. If it happens I bet it’s vanishingly rare and mostly explained by special circumstances like a serious handicap. You don’t believe Forbes magazine? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/36 "2009-05-05T18:33:23Z")
Helicopter Parent. Never heard the term before … and I know one. There is this person from work. She is known for being overly protective of her kids … or step-kids as the case may be (and is). In the course of a conversation that I was outside of, they came to me for a man’s opinion. The conversation was over what exactly goes on in a school physical for boys joining sports teams, and is it strange that the doctor asked the mom to leave the room while he did the exam. I said this that and the other thing, and then … “So, how old’s your step-son? Seven or eight, around there?” “Oh no. He’s a junior in high school.” And she wondered why it might be inappropriate to be in the room while the kid gets his turn-left-and-cough. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/37 "2009-05-05T18:38:58Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > Here’s a [Forbes article](http://www.forbes.com/2006/11/08/leadership-careers-jobs-lead-careers-cx_tw_1109kids.html). It’s from 2006. > > and > > and > > It may look like I’m defending this behavior, I’m not. I think it’s a sorry trend. But it’s a trend, and it goes back at least three years. This is from 2006, when, as the article states, the labor market was tightening. I can’t imagine that’s the case at a time when college graduates should consider themselves lucky not to be working behind the counter at Starbuck’s. Personally I would have been mortified if, as a 23-year-old college graduate, my parents had tagged along with me on a job interview or called the HR department to inquire about my status. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/38 "2009-05-05T18:48:40Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > You don’t believe Forbes magazine? 😕 I’m much more likely to believe the helicopter parent tagging along was an isolated incident the Forbes reporter heard about and then spun off into some kind of pandemic story. Much like a certain porcine-flavored flu that’s in the news lately. You only need one true life case for a story like this. Then you pepper in phrases like “It’s believed to be widespread” and put it out there and watch people freak out. ---
**Author:** ![Lantern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d26b3c/32.png) [@Lantern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lantern)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/39 "2009-05-05T18:54:13Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > You don’t believe Forbes magazine? 😕 The article doesn’t give details or actual examples. Also it talks about parents accompanying their children to the interview which may not necessarily be the same as actually sitting in on the interview. I suppose the latter does happen occasionally but most of the time my guess is there is a reasonable explanation like a handicap. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/40 "2009-05-05T19:25:04Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > You don’t believe Forbes magazine? 😕 I dunno. I have done hiring for my firm, and all I can say is that if someone showed up with their mom I’d be very, very surprised. If it is “widespread” so far I’ve been isolated from it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322.md?page=3)