# The backlash against helicopter parents? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322 "2009-05-04T19:39:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/41 "2009-05-05T19:40:03Z")
Now I’m going to have to talk to my recuiter buddy in HR to find out the local scoop. I’ll try to get back while the thread is still active. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/42 "2009-05-05T19:40:09Z")
Another big complaint is that kids coming out of school can barely craft a business email. OTOH, I couldn’t craft a business email when I came out of school either for the simple reason I never worked at a company that had email until 1997. My generation (X) was known for being “latchkey kids”. Our parents were always working and too busy to hover around us so we came home from school and were pretty much left to our own devices. Probably why we are such cynical slackers. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/43 "2009-05-05T20:11:43Z")
Is it more the case that there are more parents doing the networking for their young adult children than in the past? Because it makes sense for a parent to come to their kid’s interview if they show up to shake hands and chat with their well-placed buddy, who just happens to be the interviewer. So it’s kind of a case where an “off the record” meet-&-greet kind of becomes a “wink wink nudge nudge” interview with your dad’s golf buddy. I can also see parents attending job fairs with their kids if the Millenials are as open to receiving parental advice as the _Forbes_ article maintains. Granted, that’s a sea change from my generation, but apparently the “rules” are different now. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/44 "2009-05-05T20:27:53Z")
> [@blinkingblinking](#): > > I can imagine a 14 year old having their mother at a McDonald interview, but I think this has never happened in other circumstances. My son’s first job…he was 14 I think…and I talked with the manager simply because my kid was underage and the guy wanted to make sure I knew that this was not going to interfere with school. It was a 5 minute courtesy call that I was appreciative of. Helicopter parenting is a definite problem, but I don’t know of any real life instances where it carried over into the over-18 set. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/45 "2009-05-05T21:06:13Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > I’m much more likely to believe the helicopter parent tagging along was an isolated incident the Forbes reporter heard about and then spun off into some kind of pandemic story. Much like a certain porcine-flavored flu that’s in the news lately. Except there really ARE thousands of cases of Porcine flu. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/46 "2009-05-05T21:24:04Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Except there really ARE thousands of cases of Porcine flu. True. But we are not at pandemic levels, much to the media’s dismay. Basically, I’m reading very few articles that “how bad it is” and instead focus on “how bad it could get” (which is usually somewhere in the realm of a bad sci-fi movie). It’s the same way with these helicopter parent stories. It’s alway “it’s so bad, some parents even did this” instead of “this is what parents are doing”. The focus is always on the outlier case and then saying that’s how it is everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/47 "2009-05-05T21:35:27Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > I suspect that it is a real phenominon but much over-hyped and nowhere near as “new” as made out; in some cases it is easy to see how it gets started. > > In evaluating the role of parents in education, another factor is how much more difficult and expensive the education process has become. I was able to put myself through law school with minimal debt by working summers (this in Toronto) - isn’t that easy to do it now; in my day fees were $5,000 (I could just pay for it living at home & working summers & part-time); today, fees are over $20,000 - four times as much. Parents are _forced_ to be somewhat more involved. > > And try getting a spot in daycare or a good nursery school - you have to practically leap out of bed before the cum is dry to sign the little one up on the waiting lists. A parent who is not pushy, proactive or assertive (or without pots of cash) may find it difficult to get the programs they **need** for their kid. Replace “need” with “want” or “think they need” and you’re on to something here. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/48 "2009-05-05T21:42:01Z")
Not much to add…just a few anecdotes to share from my own college campus: 1. A student’s angry father called to complain about his son getting a low grade on a paper and insisted it was a great paper and should have been at least a “B.” When asked why, he replied, “Because I’m the one who wrote it!” 😃 2. An angry mother sent a two-page email to one of my colleagues, haranguing her about how her darling daughter was stressed out and crying because of the workload and how she couldn’t find what she needed on a computer search, and how the family “can’t afford a computer with a massive search engine.” [Obviously, this person knows naught about computers and how they operate.] If the student had actually followed the prof’s directions and/or asked for help, she could have found what she needed in just under ten seconds. Fortunately, we are protected by a privacy/confidentiality law that lets us get away with not replying to wacko parents. 3. A friend of mine was unhappy about her daughter’s college’s parking enforcement (with good reason, actually) and said she was about to call the school. I told her, “Let [daughter] handle it on her own. She’s 18 now.” ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/49 "2009-05-05T21:47:32Z")
In my particular institution, if a parent calls or drops by and wants any information about their (adult) child, the answer is always the same: “I"m sorry, we cannot discuss any individual student, as that would contravene the Freedom of Information and Privacy Act. I cannot even confirm that your son/daughter is a student.” I have dealt this way with exactly 2 parents in 10 years. Both understood. If a parent wanted to come to a student’s job interview, I would explain to them that this would render their son/daughter unemployable. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/50 "2009-05-06T04:24:54Z")
[Data:](http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/nation/20070705-9999-1n5parents.html) > [@](#): > > A 2007 survey by the Collegiate Employment Research Institute found that a quarter of employers say parents are actively engaged in their children’s job search. > > About 31 percent of 725 companies surveyed said parents had submitted a résumé on behalf of their child, and 15 percent said parents complained if their son or daughter was not hired. Four percent reported parents accompanying their children to job interviews. Four percent of 725 is 29 companies in this one survey alone that have reported seeing parents tag along on job interviews. While that’s not a big number, it’s not just one isolated incident either. And yes, there is definitely a qualitative difference in attitudes toward this sort of thing from my college days 25 years ago. Back then, having your parents involved with your college life in any significant way (except for paying for it, of course :dubious: ) would have been seen as embarrassing and mortifying. On the whole, we had a real chip on our shoulders about being “independent adults”, and needing your parents to intercede for you would have been a confession of failure in that regard. I don’t think the new style is **all** bad: I like that young people seem to be viewing their parents more as trusted advisers and helpers than as clueless, domineering nuisances. It’s nice that they have the humility to recognize that they aren’t totally self-supporting yet, and it’s nice that they feel close enough to their parents to stay in touch with them all the time. But I do think that this warmer relationship has come at the price of increased dependency and slower maturation. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2009, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322/51 "2009-05-06T14:24:08Z")
> [@SmellMyWort](#): > > Replace “need” with “want” or “think they need” and you’re on to something here. If you have two working parents, or worse yet are a single working parent, “need” is a better description of daycare & nursery school than “want” or “think they need”. In much the same way as most people “need” to work and have an income, rather that “want” to do so. You can’t really work without daycare, as your average baby isn’t quite ready to be left on his or her own for 8 hours (social services may have a few words to say about that); most workplaces frown on bringing babies with you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-backlash-against-helicopter-parents/495322.md?page=2)