# The bad poetry thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2004, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965 "2004-03-07T09:07:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/1 "2004-03-07T09:07:01Z")
I love to write bad poetry. I love to read REALLY bad poetry. I think we need a new thread dedicated to the writers, readers and lovers of bad poetry. Submit the worse garbage you can write (and still declare it poetry) below. Perhaps the best one will win a prize or something. I’ll start > [@](#): > > **Bile eyes of blue** > _By Seven_ > > Bile called the turnip sings, > Once gotten with sour lips turn the spring, > I wretch with heartstrings of yellow lines > Only to miss the forgotten calling of true > Feet sounds of lazy summers call > Awash with liver spotted wanting > The rose wilts in frozen parted secretions > My love stained song dust covered wobble > > Liquid springs forth in warm squirts of pus > Fleeting thrusts in dishwater smelted dreams > Salted wounds heal over brown puckering holes > The songbird now recovers in mid-flight > Awake with desires and dot com failures > This burger has no bun > > In forward moonlight fog stinks nose goose > I smell forgiving yet still brainsalad > My love waits long turned > Like painted spleen candy I liked that one so much I submitted it to [poetry.com](http://poetry.com) in their contest. 😃 Something tells me I’ll win _something_ from them for it. ---
**Author:** ![HDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@HDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HDS)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/2 "2004-03-07T13:18:41Z")
Vogon poetry Will be mentioned here, I know It is for certain. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/3 "2004-03-07T14:17:41Z")
A haiku: Garbage is yucky Full of trash and much weird stuff Dog try to eat it. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/4 "2004-03-07T17:41:13Z")
Small bird Ugly pooping Stupid car hit bird ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/5 "2004-03-07T17:46:55Z")
**Ode to a Post-It** (by the way, my previous pem is entitled **Bird Poop Sonnet**. Ah my only Post-It. There’s only ``` one Post-It for me. ``` This one. ``` Even though it sticks not to ``` me ``` or anything else. ``` The sticky strip ``` is covered with glorious ``` belly ``` button lint ``` ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/6 "2004-03-07T17:48:11Z")
**On Calling a Poem a Pem** Dmub shyte. WTF do you think yer doing? Punctuation challenged as well? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/7 "2004-03-07T19:24:44Z")
I’ve submitted this one before, but it’s worth another shot, since it’s one of my most inspired: **Banana Skin** It’s a pealing; But it’s not appealing. It’s a _pealing_; But it’s not _appealing._ ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/8 "2004-03-07T19:26:24Z")
And of course, it’s Sunday morning and I can’t spell worth a crap. _Peeling_, for cripes sake…the other way would be for my poem **Bell Clapper** , which is entirely different… ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/9 "2004-03-07T21:14:23Z")
Here’s something I wrote in 5th grade. I was so proud of it then. I am a pink eraser I eliminate mistakes The only thing I don’t like is it blackens up my face! ---
**Author:** ![Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@Kilvert\_s\_Pagan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilvert_s_Pagan)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/10 "2004-03-07T21:52:21Z")
_Many years ago, a friend of mine was leaving his job to open a new dance bar in Greeley, Colorado. He told me that I could write the first men’s room graffiti. Given that the town is very agricultural (and smells it), I needed something apropos to both the men’s room setting and the town’s main industry. So I wrote a dirty poem about nihilistic cattle…_ Angus first met Maybelle at the barnyard dance She showed him her marbling when once she had the the chance They’d stand there, playing “Shisk-kebab”, making Maybelle squeal He’d say, “You lay, Charolais?”… she’d get full of veal As the happy couple ages, in practice for the hooks Maybelle starts to worry more about the way she looks She works on her new diet and the Nautilus machine In hopes that maybe someday, she’ll get stamped “Safeway Lean” Angus gets all wet-eyed, seeing her sliced and ground But it’s her true ambition: to be sold by the pound 'Cause she knows life’s true meaning, to be beef bourguignon To lay there with the taters, and some good sauvignon Maybelle only has one wish about the way they drop She wants to die encoupled, with Angus up on top So when they cut him off her and they’re shipped their separate ways She’ll be a bone-in rolled roast, complete with fine bernaise ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/11 "2004-03-07T21:55:04Z")
Oh, haikus. I like haikus. > [@](#): > > **The Haiku haiku,** > _By Seven_ > > The first line has five > The second line has seven > But the last has five ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/12 "2004-03-07T23:16:01Z")
My dark soul is dark… like the dark of night, my soul is black. I am black as night. So dark, my soul… ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2004, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/13 "2004-03-07T23:53:16Z")
All beef hotdogs fill my eyes potato buns hug the little guys ketchup calling the mustard out to play pork and beans on a little paper tray but as i search for the pork in the sea of beans … Oh, I can’t work like this! ---
**Author:** ![Kaimon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Kaimon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaimon)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/14 "2004-03-08T04:31:19Z")
Roses are red, Your lips are blue, Next time you ice skate, Try not to fall through. ---
**Author:** ![Cruktar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d9b06d/32.png) [@Cruktar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cruktar)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/15 "2004-03-08T05:45:24Z")
My boyfriend used to live with a couple- Holly and LaDara. One night at the apartment, Holly whipped out some love ‘poetry’ she had written for LaDara. I only remember the first two lines, because after that my eyes started to cross, and if I read anymore I never would’ve been able to keep my composure. It went like this: “My heart feels like it’s fighting a battle My heart feels like it’s up a creek without a paddle.” Sweet Jesus, it was terrible. When Holly asked me what she could rhyme with"Paddle," all I could think of was “cattle.” Hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/16 "2004-03-08T06:30:35Z")
Saddle prattle addle rattle fiddle-faddle tattle All perfectly serviceable for this kind of poetry. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TitoBenito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2acd7d/32.png) [@TitoBenito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TitoBenito)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/17 "2004-03-08T07:09:10Z")
Rubics Cube Haiku I hate rubics cubes. Has anyone ever solved one without breaking it? ---
**Author:** ![Seven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Seven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seven)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/18 "2004-03-08T09:21:14Z")
> [@Cruktar](#): > > My boyfriend used to live with a couple- Holly and LaDara. One night at the apartment, Holly whipped out some love ‘poetry’ she had written for LaDara. I only remember the first two lines, because after that my eyes started to cross, and if I read anymore I never would’ve been able to keep my composure. It went like this: > > “My heart feels like it’s fighting a battle > My heart feels like it’s up a creek without a paddle.” > > Sweet Jesus, it was terrible. When Holly asked me what she could rhyme with"Paddle," all I could think of was “cattle.” > > Hmmm. I love bad poetry when everyone knows it is bad. But, when the author doesn’t know it stinks, things get tricky. Do you laugh? Cry? Kick them? Let me see if I can finish that poem for them. > [@](#): > > My heart feels like it’s fighting a battle > My heart feels like it’s up a creek without a paddle. > Let me put my love in your saddle > Before I fall on my face like mad cow cattle. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2004, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/19 "2004-03-08T14:28:25Z")
When I saw that [poetry.com](http://poetry.com) made you fit your poetry in a box, I decided to write the worst entry possible. I guess since they loved it, my good stuff must be Thomas fucking Stearns ;): > [@](#): > > Road to Poad > > She gets down on her knees and prays > The silver bell will peal today > It opens doors to riches, right? > Or blinds you, never seeing light? > > Never, > never, > never! > Shall the nightengale whistle at my door! > > It’s song forbodes the passing of > The morals I once yearned to love > It only hurts when action’s through > Your heart reminds you you’re not true. > > The postman arrives, bringing me black present. > My thank you, my horse-glue, my gallows. > May time a-come when we will see > The price is madness, never free. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2004, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965/20 "2004-03-09T06:40:15Z")
I like candy, sweet, sweet sugar-spun melt in my mouth as I munch, as I crunch. Yum… O, candy, thou art to me a sweet delight. I love to eat it thusly day and night but you must be brushed away before the light of day or else you’ll cause tooth decay! Oh, woe how sad I’d be if I couldn’t have my sweet candy. I know this is bad so enjoy and don’t get a tummyache. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bad-poetry-thread/232965.md?page=2)