# The Ballad of Tempura Terror; or FoodTV kitchens don't look this way afterwards! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 5, 2001, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939 "2001-08-05T01:44:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939/1 "2001-08-05T01:44:17Z")
I chopped my veggies, and I steamed my rice I got a thermometer, I’m gonna do this right There ain’t no danger, this is gonna rock Won’t use my frying pan: I got a hand-hammered wok Grease is the food On the Food Network they say it’s a breeze Even Emril can do it if he’s got his flunkies _“You heat your grease and you fry with speed You won’t use too much oil, that can’t be bad, you’ll conceed”_ Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude To the right temp, I’m preheating Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola Grease cooks the things I am eating Tempura batter I have just now mixed (I didn’t use a whisk, I stirred it with my chopsticks) The first one comes out kinda mushy, so I turn the heat up high, far up as it’ll go Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude To the right temp, I’m preheating Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola Grease cooks the things I am eating I say a bad expression as I burn my tongue. I’ll make this confession: _“I’m not doin this Again!”_ My floor is greasy and the walls are a fright my stove is slipp’ry, my kitchen’s quite a sight! Tomorrow: frozen pancakes with some syrup it’s not as fancy, but there’s just lots less to cleanup. Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude To the right temp, I’m preheating Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola Grease cooks the things I am eating Grease is the food, is the food, I’ll conclude To the right temp, I’m preheating Grease is olive, or it’s lard, or canola Grease cooks the things I am eating Grease is the food, is the food is the food is the food is the food is the food [sub]is the food…[/sub] Fenris, while cleaning ---
**Author:** ![Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939/2 "2001-08-05T01:50:33Z")
If I might make a suggestion… After you dip your veggies in tempura batter, roll them in panko flakes before frying. When I do tempura, I don’t have the problems you seem to describe, probably because I don’t heat the grease as hot. -Ben ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939/3 "2001-08-05T04:19:42Z")
If I may make another suggestion, pay somebody else to make your tempura. KFC got its start because most restaurants would only fry chicken on one day a week because of the mess. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2001, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939/4 "2001-08-05T08:25:22Z")
Sometimes you really scare the hell out of me, Fenris. Stop it. Marc PS: Your pizza dough recipe was pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939/5 "2001-08-06T03:27:32Z")
**Ben** : Panko, huh? Next time I get the nerve up to try it, I’ll give it a shot. **dropzone** : True, but what would be the fun of that? (On the other hand, I wouldn’t end up scrubbing the walls after Kentucky Fried… **Marc** : No. 🙂 and Thanks, glad you liked it! Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ballad-of-tempura-terror-or-foodtv-kitchens-dont-look-this-way-afterwards/74939/6 "2001-08-06T16:32:24Z")
Well, you could break down and buy a spatter screen for your wok. Looks like a piece of metal window screen on a round frame with a handle. You can get 'em at any decent kitchen shop. Or you could put your wok on your barbecue in the backyard. But then you’d end up with greasy grass.