# The banana- the atheist's nightmare! (Chick related) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 26, 2001, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208 "2001-06-26T14:46:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/21 "2001-06-27T15:13:19Z")
So **Jonathan** , you’re saying that lots of oranges _won’t_ give me a giant penis? pan ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/22 "2001-06-27T15:22:44Z")
Hey **waterj2**! It appears there is no active posting, but the threads are still up. Bummer for those of us hoping for a little LBMB-style funnin’ with fundies. Check out the Forums link, go to Open Discussions, and read the thread “Please Pray! Demon Possessed Woman”. One quote that struck me was this: Judy says: > [@](#): > > I’ve been studying this subject for years (I have strong reason to believe my two siblings are tormented by demons and I experienced the demon myself, twice) and read nearly everything I could get my hands on on the subject. I’ve tried casting demons out according to Mark 16, only to see that there seems to be temporary relief and then the demon, if there is one, comes back. It’s important to remember the Scripture that speaks of a demon being cast out, wandering around looking for another home and not finding one, and then coming back and finding the house cleaned and swept and bringing a bunch of buddies with him. Unfortunately, this thread seems to have a whiff of Fundie Kidnapping of Mentally Ill Person Gone Horribly Wrong. Frightening stuff. **Goboy** : Pangloss school of optimism… teeheehee!!! Dammit I wish I’d made that observation first! ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/23 "2001-06-27T15:35:23Z")
Oops I forgot to make my observation about the quote in my above post: Based on some responses to [htm][http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/)“this thread”[/htm], I’d say lots of people probably think their siblings are tormented by demons. ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/24 "2001-06-27T15:46:11Z")
Oh Jesus H. Christ! Hit the wrong goddamn button trying to preview while searching for this piece of shit thread: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=75539](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=75539) And I’m not even going to try to do one of those badass links, because I’d probably just screw that the fuck up too. Fuck. The wages of mockery are screwed up posts. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/25 "2001-06-27T17:28:47Z")
Some Facts: From Ray Comfort: Note that the banana: Is shaped for human hand Has non-slip surface Has outward indicators of inward content: Green-too early, Yellow-just right, Black-too late. Has a tab for removal of wrapper Is perforated on wrapper Bio-degradable wrapper Is shaped for human mouth Has a point at top for ease of entry Is pleasing to taste buds Is curved towards the face to make eating process easy From Groucho Marx: “Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.” Now you can take **my** quiz. There’s only two questions. 1. Which person is a genius? a)Ray b)Groucho 2. Which person is a moron? a)Ray b)Groucho ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/26 "2001-06-27T17:38:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by missdavis102 \* > \*\*The wages of mockery are screwed up posts. \*\* Heh! ---
**Author:** ![quixotic78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3ab097/32.png) [@quixotic78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quixotic78)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/27 "2001-06-27T20:13:39Z")
This is from [the atheist test heah](http://www.raycomfort.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=lwpstore&Product_Code=231&Category_Code=Tracts). > [@](#): > > **Jesus Christ says that He will manifest Himself to anyone who obeys Him. Approach the subject the same way you approached your first television set. Just take a small step of faith. If it works, enjoy it, if it doesn’t, forget it.** Sweeeeet, I’m off the hook! Thanks, Ray! 🙂 Quix ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/28 "2001-06-27T20:14:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kabbes \* > \*\*So **Jonathan** , you’re saying that lots of oranges _won’t_ give me a giant penis? > > pan \*\* I’m not saying anything of the kind. But surgically inserting oranges um, down there, to increase it’s size seems a little drastic. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2001, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/29 "2001-06-27T20:26:00Z")
You’re adorable in your haplessness, **missdavis102**. Now get down on your knees. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/30 "2001-06-28T17:54:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Has outward indicators of inward content: The same can be said for a variety of things found in nature, both fruity and not. > [@](#): > > Black-too late. Actually, plantains are at their best when black. > [@](#): > > Has a tab for removal of wrapper I haven’t been able to open a banana properly using that “tab” in about five years. > [@](#): > > Is perforated on wrapper Huh? It is SO not perforated! > [@](#): > > Is shaped for human mouth If the human mouth is perfectly circular! > [@](#): > > Is pleasing to taste buds I know of no other food for which this is true.[/sarcasm] > [@](#): > > To say that the banana happened by accident is even more unintelligent than to say that no one designed the Coca Cola can. Ignoring for the moment the fact that human being aren’t the only animals who eat bananas . . . and the fact that other being who eat bananas have hands nothing like ours, nor mouths like ours, nor taste buds like ours . . . Orange you glad I didn’t say . . . ::ducks bananas and beer bottles:: BANA– ::thud:: [sub]Perfect density for renderment of humans unconscious, as noted in Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2001, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/31 "2001-06-28T20:40:08Z")
Hey **Fiver** , big fella, how YOU doin’? ::Very Suggestive Wink:: [garbled]Deeh Gahb, Ah doe dah Ah hab shiunned…[/garbled] ---
**Author:** ![Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/32 "2001-06-29T00:22:45Z")
“Has non-slip surface” You know, I’m surprised that no one has pointed out the total idiocy of trying to prove the existence of God by pointing to the fact that a banana, of all things, has a “non-slip” surface. Mr. Comfort, do you _want_ people to laugh at you? -Ben ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/33 "2001-06-29T21:31:15Z")
At the risk of further lowering the tone of this thread (and after my last post is that really possible?) I would like to use Mr. Comfort’s list to mention a few things about myself that may indeed **prove the existance and omnipotence of God and the futility of Evolution** : [ul] Banana: Is shaped for human hand…Me: Not only shaped for the human hand, but am in part shaped _like_ a human hand (two in fact) Banana: Has non-slip surface…Me: Also has non-slip surface Banana: Has outward indicators of inward content: [list]Green-too early…Me: Silent with cold shoulder - too early Yellow-just right…Me: Giggling - just right Black-too late…Me: Asleep - too late[/ul] Banana: Has a tab for removal of wrapper…Me: Buttons, snaps, etc for removal of wrapper Banana: Is perforated on wrapper…Me: Well, my wrappers don’t usually perforate :eek: Banana: Bio-degradable wrapper…Me: Biodegradable, too Banana: Is shaped for human mouth…Me: \ Banana: Has a point at top for ease of entry…Me: Umm, no, but… Banana: Is pleasing to taste buds…Me: \ Banana: Is curved towards the face to make eating process easy…Me: \ [/list] Really, Mr. Comfort, that was just too easy. I am obviously proof of God’s Divine Will. :rolleyes: 😃😛 ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/34 "2001-06-29T23:22:48Z")
Try [this one](http://www.raycomfort.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=lwpstore&Product_Code=104&Category_Code=Books), **Ben** : > [@](#): > > It is said that Mussolini (the Italian dictator), once stood on a pinnacle and cried, “God, if you are there, strike me dead!” When God didn’t immediately bow to his dictates, Mussolini then concluded that there was no God. However, his prayer was answered some time later. So if there is no God, Mussolini would have lived forever? It’s at the end of a long excerpt from a book where he says only a person who knows everything could truly be an atheist. Here is another [book](http://www.raycomfort.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=lwpstore&Product_Code=107&Category_Code=Books) about Nostradamus, complete with interpretations of Nosy’s ramblings. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208/35 "2001-06-29T23:31:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by missdavis102 \* > \*\* Really, Mr. Comfort, that was just too easy. I am obviously proof of God’s Divine Will. :rolleyes: 😃😛 > > \*\* You didn’t need a big list to prove that! Just the fact that men routinely shout His name whilst uh, with you is sufficient. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-banana-the-atheists-nightmare-chick-related/70208.md?page=1)