# The best name in the goddamned universe. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021 "2010-02-07T12:13:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![orcenio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orcenio/32/1036_2.png) [@orcenio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orcenio)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/1 "2010-02-07T12:13:27Z")
[ > [@](#): > > Despite having served for years as a distinguished Pakistani diplomat, Akbar Zeb reportedly cannot receive accreditation as Pakistan’s ambassador to Saudi Arabia. The reason, apparently, has nothing to do with his credentials, and everything to do with his name – which, in Arabic, translates to “biggest dick”: ]([http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/02/03/ambassador\_at\_very\_large](http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/02/03/ambassador_at_very_large))Yes; you read it right. Not just “dick” (which might suck), or even “big dick;” but “biggest dick!” …Go home folks, there’s absolutely nothin bigger then this schlong right here… Akbar Zeb, I salute you in having the best name in the goddamned universe. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/2 "2010-02-07T13:24:13Z")
I heard he changed his name, though; to Hugh Johnson. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/3 "2010-02-07T13:57:58Z")
No, he found a djinni out the desert that was slightly hard of hearing. For a wish he asked for a 12 inch pianist. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/4 "2010-02-07T14:03:06Z")
No wonder they made this guy their diplomat. I’ll bet he wins all the pissing contests. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/5 "2010-02-07T15:12:45Z")
I had a friend who’s mother was Spanish and his dad was english. They named him Richard Grande. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/6 "2010-02-07T15:16:13Z")
My best friend in high school was a girl with the middle name “Cockburn.” It’s properly pronounced coe - burn. But, I mean, really, how naive could her parents conceivably be and still, well, conceive? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/7 "2010-02-07T15:56:46Z")
Word to the wise. If you are invited to a Saudi zebutante ball, don’t go. ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/8 "2010-02-07T21:34:54Z")
[Peet’s Coffee](http://www.peets.com/) has a variety they call “Major Dickason’s Blend.” “Yeah, I’ll take a pound of the major dick!” But it is good coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/9 "2010-02-07T23:29:35Z")
I read the OP to my husband who is furiously changing his user name _everywhere._ ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2010, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/10 "2010-02-07T23:36:48Z")
> [@orcenio](#): > > [URL=“[http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/02/03/ambassador\_at\_very\_large](http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/02/03/ambassador_at_very_large)”]Yes; you read it right. Not just “dick” (which might suck), or even “big dick;” but “biggest dick!” Hm… I don’t know Arabic, but I thought that “Akbar” meant “great”, which is to say, “big”, but not necessarily “biggest”. But perhaps it means the latter in certain contexts? Or perhaps my understanding is simply flawed. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/11 "2010-02-08T06:57:55Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > No wonder they made this guy their diplomat. I’ll bet he wins all the pissing contests. He can win by just dripping. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/12 "2010-02-08T07:22:06Z")
> [@](#): > > [**Saudi Diplomat introducing this man to his staff**]: Anybody else feel like a little… giggle… when I mention our esteemed Pakistani guest ‘Akbar’… [staff chuckle] Zeb? > > [outright laughter] > > **Saudi Diplomat** \*: I’ve had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behaviour! Silence! Call yourselves dipwomats?\* 19 hours in and no one has made the obvious Monty Python allusion? You guys are slipping _badly_. I’m disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/13 "2010-02-08T07:25:01Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > I heard he changed his name, though; to Hugh Johnson. Nah. He changed it to Hugh G. Rection. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/14 "2010-02-08T07:43:18Z")
some of you people are so going to hell … 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/15 "2010-02-08T08:35:02Z")
The reference room at the UCLA undergraduate research library is named after a librarian “Hugh G. Dick” Good times. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/16 "2010-02-08T16:18:13Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > 19 hours in and no one has made the obvious Monty Python allusion? You guys are slipping _badly_. I’m disappointed. I was thinking it. I think. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/17 "2010-02-08T16:46:32Z")
> [@orcenio](#): > > Akbar Zeb Allahu Akbar Zebby Zebby Zebby! Dude’s probably a daily Kos Kesh: [كس كش](http://www.coolslang.com/in/persian/index.php?pageNum_rsTranslation=1&totalRows_rsTranslation=73) ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/18 "2010-02-08T18:58:01Z")
Sure he can talk the talk… ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/19 "2010-02-09T05:25:08Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > My best friend in high school was a girl with the middle name “Cockburn.” It’s properly pronounced coe - burn. But, I mean, really, how naive could her parents conceivably be and still, well, conceive? I went to HS with a girl named Charity Muff. Yep, seriously- WTF, dad? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![\_Undecided\_Adrian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/eada6e/32.png) [@\_Undecided\_Adrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Undecided_Adrian)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2010, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-name-in-the-goddamned-universe/528021/20 "2010-02-09T10:11:23Z")
Some other great contenders are in [this cracked.com article](http://www.cracked.com/article_14982_the-9-manliest-names-in-world.html). The winner there is Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster