# The Best Pit Rants **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 3, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094 "2002-06-03T05:11:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/1 "2002-06-03T05:11:45Z")
What do you think are the best Pit rants ever? I mean the ones that are so great that you would give the rating higher than a 10? Or those so hilarious that your laughing could be heard on Pluto? For me, it has to be: [This one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=104153). I thought I broke something because I laughed so hard! What say you? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/2 "2002-06-06T11:19:01Z")
[This one.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=67417) ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/3 "2002-06-06T11:20:48Z")
And [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80750) was unintentionally hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/4 "2002-06-06T11:57:07Z")
My favourite pit rant was lost in our Winter of Lost Content. Fortunately and with great foresight it was preserved in Teemings Extra: [Breast Stroke](http://www.teemings.com/extras/nostradamus02.html) by **Nostradamus** ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/5 "2002-06-06T12:13:43Z")
Alas, many of our great and worthy Pit citizens are no longer on the board, for various reasons. Who can forget Byz, Satan, and all the other truly wonderful Pit ranters. While several still remain on the board, such as Diane and Hama, they have mellowed over the posting seasons. You would have to search back at least a couple of years to get the truly truly good ones. The OPs that would make you fall off your seat with tears in your eyes or unintentionally cover your monitor with whatever beverage of choice you happened to be enjoying at the time. “Sigh” those were the days. Now you have ‘me too’ posts, ‘I hope this is Pit worthy’, ‘I Hate My (insert) Family, Ex, Children, Parents, Neighbors, etc.’ not truly outstanding Pit threads. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/6 "2002-06-06T12:30:41Z")
[Hey Kathleen Parker, I got yer fuckin God right here!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90558&highlight=Kathleen) Classic. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2002, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/7 "2002-06-06T14:15:27Z")
This [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=51270) about telemarketers really had me laughing. The writing was pure genius. The thread was started a year and a half ago, but was brought to my attention when someone recently ressurected it. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2002, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/8 "2002-06-07T20:49:04Z")
The SDMB is responsible for me laughing throughout most of the day and I’m pleased that I could return the favor **Jurhael**. Glad you liked it. I never would have found the entertaining rants by the others linked here had you not started this thread. Good 'un. ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/9 "2002-06-07T22:09:43Z")
I’ve linked to this one before, as I consider it a true classic. I don’t suppose **bella** would mind if I did it again… [An Ode to my Neighbor](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=98140) by **belladonna**. ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2002, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/10 "2002-06-07T23:27:33Z")
[This One](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=80957&highlight=Rectum) ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/11 "2002-06-08T02:32:33Z")
For me, it’s **lno** ’s thread, [My rage burns with the fire of a million suns](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=62082). I laughed so hard when I read this that tears ran down my face. Don’t miss his follow-up posts later in the thread, on Jerry Lee Lewis and on White Castle. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/12 "2002-06-08T03:00:18Z")
Thanks, Lsura. I’d almost forgotten myself. b. ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/13 "2002-06-08T04:24:51Z")
[I still send people the link to this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=67745&highlight=wolfass) It’s truly a howler…in every sense of the word. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/14 "2002-06-08T04:53:33Z")
Apparently the user was banned, but I thought the combination of the rant and all of the replies were pure gold. I was teary eyed and stumbling around my apartment in hysterics when I read this. [Nobody Should Ever Do That Shit!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=104252&highlight=that+shit+hurts) ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/15 "2002-06-08T10:57:04Z")
I echo the sentiments of **dwc1970** above. Another vote for ‘The Telemarketer Speaks, I Respond’. Had ‘classic’ written all over it as soon as it was hatched. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/16 "2002-06-08T23:26:56Z")
thanks **Ferrous** , you just made my day! For some reason, I can’t get the search function to find the one thread I vaguely remember almost wetting myself to. I’ll keep looking… bella ---
**Author:** ![Hosayf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@Hosayf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hosayf)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/17 "2002-06-09T01:01:24Z")
I am so sad I was out of town when [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=108804&perpage=50&highlight=I&pagenumber=1) was posted. Fortunately **Jello** linked me to it when I got back. I laughed so hard at **Enderw24** ’s response that I woke up my parents. Apparently the email **Ringmaster** sent everyone was quite funny too. Thanks **interface2x** for reminding me of **Ringmaster**. [This one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92548&highlight=BDSM+toner+printer) ain’t bad either. ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/18 "2002-06-09T02:03:08Z")
**Sue Duhnym** had a classic one. I smile when I hear someone say “[duck lips](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=55273)”. ---
**Author:** ![shannybonanny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@shannybonanny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shannybonanny)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/19 "2002-06-09T06:24:36Z")
[smugly polite Christian allows himself an annual SWEAR](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=77753) > [@](#): > > WHEN I RULE THE WORLD EVERY DAY WILL BE THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING > AND YOU WILL FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF. Still makes me laugh! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094/20 "2002-06-09T20:30:56Z")
**Shannybonanny** , thanks for reminding me of that one. I loved that so much. I haven’t **Ross** around for a while, I hope he starts posting again soon. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-pit-rants/112094.md?page=2)