# The Best THREE STOOGES Lines! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 15, 2003, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418 "2003-05-15T12:11:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/1 "2003-05-15T12:11:39Z")
Igrew up watching the stooges on TV…and its hard to believe, many of these shorts were made over 65 years ago! Still, the comedy is classic…one line I have always remembered: -(Larry): …What’s a good word for scrutiny?" (MOE) (thinking hard):…“uh, uh,SCRUTINY!” -(Larry): “thanks, kid, you’re a genius!” This is what good comedy is all about…making something ordinary funny. Post your favoritelines! (I’ve gotta go…a TS short is on rightsnow! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/2 "2003-05-15T12:24:47Z")
Ma-ha? A-ha! And of course Niagara Falls! Slowly I turn. Step by step. Inch by inch. . . . ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/3 "2003-05-15T12:35:28Z")
There’s one Stooges short I really love. You know, the one where Moe pokes Curley in the eyes? You know that one? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/4 "2003-05-15T12:59:00Z")
I can’t quote any lines, but the best title was taken from _Valiant Is the Word for Carrie_, a 1936 Gladys George film: _Violent is the Word for Curley_. There was also a book about the Three Stooges with the brilliant title _The Last of the Moe Haircuts_. ---
**Author:** ![ignatius\_reilly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/db5fbb/32.png) [@ignatius\_reilly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ignatius_reilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/5 "2003-05-15T14:49:15Z")
Moe: “Remind me to kill you later.” Shemp: “But I won’t have time later.” ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/6 "2003-05-15T14:52:17Z")
I think one of the most memorable lines from the Stooges wasn’t even uttered by a Stooge: “Now hold hands, you lovebirds” by Emil Sitka. Three scenes that I always laugh at whenever I see them: 1. Curly in the (the old-timey kind of) radio in the Eastern European country when they decide to turn it on to hear the news. 2. Larry in the TV when the knife-thrower is irate about his woman possibly seeing a nother man 3. The hapless cook in the kitchen when the Stooges start plumbing, played by porter-at-large for decades Dudley Dickerson. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/7 "2003-05-15T14:54:46Z")
Moe: “You know, you’re the smartest imbecile I’ve ever seen?” _pats Larry on the head, then slaps him_ ---
**Author:** ![Francis\_E\_Dec\_Esq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@Francis\_E\_Dec\_Esq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francis_E_Dec_Esq)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/8 "2003-05-15T15:04:19Z")
Curly is about to hammer a nail into a wall with the nail-head against the wall, point towards the hammer. (paraphrasing) Moe: “Numbskull! You’re doing that all wrong!” Curly: “Oh?” Moe: (taking hold of the nail) “This nail goes on _that_ wall.” (and takes the nail, never altering its orientation, across the room to the opposite wall, Curly following with hammer.) Laughed til I cried. ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/9 "2003-05-15T15:39:05Z")
“I’m trying to think, but nothing happens!” --Curly ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/10 "2003-05-15T15:47:09Z")
In an old Scottish castle the old owner introduces his beautiful daughter to the trio: “This is my daughter Lorna” Shemp: Hi Lorna how you doone? Corny as hell but makes me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Knighted\_Vorpal\_Sword](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@Knighted\_Vorpal\_Sword](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knighted_Vorpal_Sword)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/11 "2003-05-15T16:16:01Z")
Larry or Moe, reading: “Oh see the little deer. Does the deer have a little doe?” Curley: “Soitenly! Two bucks!” nyuck nyuck Curley: “I was a pilot for the Army. I’d take the doit from over here and pile it over there.” Then there’s the scene in “Disorder in the Court” where the clerk is trying to swear-in Curley. “Take off that hat!” ---
**Author:** ![TigoleBitties](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cab0a1/32.png) [@TigoleBitties](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TigoleBitties)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/12 "2003-05-15T16:20:55Z")
-Moe doing a radio commercial that sounds so real it was scary… “Use Gritto radio friends, the soap that gives your hands that dishpan look. How will the old man know you have been working when your hands DON’T have that dishpan look hmmmm? Hahaha. Just drop a box of Gritto in a box of water and listen to it fizz…” Cue Curly honking a huge horn Moe:“Dopes” -Customer accidently drinks a cup of paint Shemp is using. “HEY…that coffee tastes like paint!” Shemp: “No way” tries a taste and makes a sour face. “I’ll be. It is paint!” Gets the cup next to it “Now this is coffee!” Takes drink and spits it out explosively, puts down the cup and picks up the paint. “This is better” I loved Curly but I was always a Shemp man, especially when he did his boxing dance. Pure art. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/13 "2003-05-15T16:21:33Z")
Anybody remember the one where the boys are working as carpenters? -MOE (to Curly): “…get the tools” CURLY: “what tools?” MOE: “the TOOLS we’ve been using for the last 30 years!” CURLY: “Oh…those tools!” ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/14 "2003-05-15T16:45:42Z")
Ya gotta love the three watches gag… Moe: Hey, ya got the time? [Curly rolls up his jacket cuff to reveal three wristwatches on his arm] Moe: What’s the idea with the three watches? Curly: That’s how I tell time! Moe: Why do you need three watches to tell the time? Curly [points to first watch]This one runs twenty minutes fast every two hours…[points to third watch]…this one runs ten minutes slow every four hours…[points to second watch]…this one’s broken and stopped at two o’clock. Moe: How does that help you tell time? Curly: I take the twenty minutes from this watch, subtract the ten minutes from this watch, and divide by the two in the middle! Moe (slightly impressed); Okay, then: what time is it? Curly [pulls out an enormous pocketwatch from his back pocket] Ohhh, three-fifteen! Nyuk nyuk nyuk! [Moe, irritated, takes the pocketwatch and brains Curly with it.] ---
**Author:** ![Phouchg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Phouchg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phouchg)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/15 "2003-05-15T16:56:22Z")
(Curly knocks over some milk bottles with a huge block of ice. He marks his score as if he were bowling). Curly: Hey Moe! I’ve gotta perfect game! Moe: No you don’t, you need another strike (WHAM!) * * * (The boys are trying to get Curly’s too-small sweater off. The try to use tire jacks for leverage and eventually they get stuck in a v-shape on both sides of his head). Larry: He looks like a V-8? Moe: How about a V-6? Larry: A V-6? What is that, a new car? Moe: No, it’s an old sock (WHAM!) * * * This one kills me: (The boys won a radio contest and move into an expensive hotel suite. The manager is showing them the expensive furnishings) Manager: This bed goes back to Louis the fourteenth. Curly: That’s nothing, we had a bed go back to Sears Roebuck the third! nyuk nyuk nyuk More later when I think of them… Phouchg Lovable Rogue ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/16 "2003-05-15T17:04:28Z")
I believe the lads were at a fancy party (following their etiquette lesson), and Larry was crowded up against Moe, and boppin’ to the rhythm. Moe: Are you _dancin’_? Larry: Are you askin’? Moe: Yeah! Larry: (takes Moe in his arms and goes cheek-to-cheek with him) Then I’m dancin’. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/17 "2003-05-15T18:00:07Z")
“look at the golfs”! ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/18 "2003-05-15T18:14:42Z")
Larry, after being slapped by Moe: What was that for? I didn’t do anything. Moe: That was for what you were thinking. Curly, giving that fluttery wave: My mind’s a blank. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/19 "2003-05-15T18:57:10Z")
At one point, Curley is asked which method of execution is better, being beheaded or being burnt at the stake. He answers being burnt at the stake is better, because “everybody knows a hot steak is better than a cold chop.” Cracks me up… ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418/20 "2003-05-15T19:44:14Z")
"Oh, a _countersneaker!"_ > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TigoleBitties \* > \*\* > > I loved Curly but I was always a Shemp man, especially when he did his boxing dance. Pure art. \*\* [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-best-three-stooges-lines/175418.md?page=2)