# The Biggest Douche in the Universe **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2008, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938 "2008-11-16T01:41:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/21 "2008-11-17T03:05:22Z")
Sylvia Browne and Alex Jones are top contenders. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/22 "2008-11-17T03:40:54Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > I’d answer this question but [I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes](http://gawker.com/news/douchebags/nightmare-online-dater-john-fitzgerald-page-is-the-worst-person-in-the-world-309684.php). > > Seriously, this guy wins. If there were other universes, this guy would beat everybody from every other universe too. WTF?!?!?!😕😕 Ok, obviously this isn’t the only criteria, or even the most important, but that guy really, really is NOT good looking. At all. I’m not sure I would go so far as to say ugly, but he looks like a total meat head who hasn’t washed his hair in two weeks. Do some women really like that look? Eugh. ---
**Author:** ![DubsyUin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb9ed0/32.png) [@DubsyUin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DubsyUin)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/23 "2008-11-17T04:07:09Z")
> **[Hot Chicks with Douchebags](http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/)** > > Pictures of Hot Chicks with Total and Complete Douchebags. With Commentary. Yes, these people exist. Outside of Jersey too. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/24 "2008-11-17T05:58:35Z")
> [@laughingboy](#): > > My current favorite contender for the title is so-called “beach bum” Ty Coughlin. He’s featured on radio ads hawking some sort of internet-based get rich quick scheme. > > The most recent ad I heard featured the **same actor** with a slightly modified voice listening to a previous ad and saying that he was skeptical at first but that the system really works!! Also, he’s met Ty in person, and he’s pretty cool. > > Did I mention that it’s the\*\* same freakin’ guy\*\*? > > :rolleyes: Good call. I hate this tool. He always does this thing where he’s pretending to laugh at something off mike right before he goes into his pitch – like he’s goofing around with his buds (who don’t exist. He’s totally by himself) and then getting caught off guard that it’s time for his “live” spot. Only it’s not live, it’s taped. Not only is he completely smarmy and obnoxious and phony and self-satisfied, but he’s also a con artist pimping a sleazy MLM scam. Definitely a world champion douche. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/25 "2008-11-17T07:07:39Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > Oh, and he also lists: Dr. Phil Show - “Male Egos - Out of Control”. Heh. Bwahahaha. I had never heard about him before this, but that guy is absolutely the perfect textbook example of a Douche. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/26 "2008-11-17T08:58:07Z")
> [@gonzomax](#): > > John Edwards deserves it. He and people who pretend to talk to the dead and converse with animals are charlatans. They should be tarred and feathered. **John Edward** McGee pretends to talk to the dead. **John** Reid **Edwards** ran for president. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/27 "2008-11-17T09:09:29Z")
John Edward still owns the title. I’d say Rush and Billo the Clown come close, but John Edward is capitalizing on the pain and tragedy of death to turn an easy dollar. All you have to do is look at him–you don’t even have to be aware of his scam–to know that he is a douche of epic proportions. ---
**Author:** ![PetW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@PetW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PetW)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/28 "2008-11-17T12:59:54Z")
I’m sorry but I can’t help but hijack to make fun of that John Fitzgerald Page guy. His email said he “can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs.” What the hell does that mean? Is he adding his bench, squat, and leg press together? Or does he really think he can bench press 1200 lbs? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/29 "2008-11-17T13:59:11Z")
Sean Hannity deserves to mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/30 "2008-11-17T15:33:54Z")
I came in here to say Sylvia Brown and, by extension, Montel Williams. ---
**Author:** ![PetW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@PetW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PetW)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/31 "2008-12-10T00:17:18Z")
Just to update: I decided to do my speech on Fred Phelps. When I turned in my outline the teacher gave me 50/50 points on it and wrote the comment “Funny and Accurate!” Not sure how I did on my speech yet, but everyone seemed to really enjoy it, although the teacher was the only person in the class that knew who Fred Phelps was. ---
**Author:** ![ViktorWolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c68b51/32.png) [@ViktorWolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ViktorWolf)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/32 "2008-12-10T00:29:56Z")
Sylvia Browne is pretty high up on my list. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/33 "2008-12-10T03:44:24Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > I’d answer this question but [I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes](http://gawker.com/news/douchebags/nightmare-online-dater-john-fitzgerald-page-is-the-worst-person-in-the-world-309684.php). > > Seriously, this guy wins. If there were other universes, this guy would beat everybody from every other universe too. His webpage is so outlandish it seems like a joke. But I think I would’ve cut and pasted all his horseshit: > [@](#): > > So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those! and answered “Nope, you’re the last one … advertising for a woman on [Match.com](http://Match.com).” ---
**Author:** ![CallMeKate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3d9bf3/32.png) [@CallMeKate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CallMeKate)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/34 "2008-12-10T04:40:04Z")
Tucker Max. Easily and Ostensibly. If you do not know who he is, he has written a book called, “I hope they serve beer in hell” he is the most vile human being you should ever WANT to meet. Tucker Max does what he wants, without any regard to the human condition, human psyche, or any feelings other people may have. He ruins lives, picks on human weakness, and is outrageously drunk during all of which. He uses women, and is just utterly disgusting. Check out the book for more info. OR [www.tuckermax.com](http://www.tuckermax.com) … here you will find all his stories posted… ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/35 "2008-12-10T04:49:57Z")
Can I submit this guy as a contender? [http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/jalopnik/full/~3/DjVDL2DCE\_E/biker-busted-for-speeding-tries-to-fight-the-law-and-guess-who-won](http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/jalopnik/full/~3/DjVDL2DCE_E/biker-busted-for-speeding-tries-to-fight-the-law-and-guess-who-won) ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/36 "2008-12-10T05:03:03Z")
Out of curiosity, I went over to Jezebel and did a search for John Fitzgerald Page. I didn’t see anything about a Best Dressed List, but this did: [Paul Janka, John Fitzgerald Page Try to Out-Douche Each Other on Dr. Phil](http://jezebel.com/388292/paul-janka-john-fitzgerald-page-try-to-out+douche-each-other-on-dr-phil). There’s also a story about JFP was selected by an alternative paper as one of Atlanta’s Least Influential People. Ha! He seems to be something of a running joke on their site. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/37 "2008-12-10T05:07:26Z")
> [@CallMeKate](#): > > Tucker Max. Easily and Ostensibly. > > If you do not know who he is, he has written a book called, “I hope they serve beer in hell” he is the most vile human being you should ever WANT to meet. Tucker Max does what he wants, without any regard to the human condition, human psyche, or any feelings other people may have. He ruins lives, picks on human weakness, and is outrageously drunk during all of which. He uses women, and is just utterly disgusting. Check out the book for more info. > > OR > > [www.tuckermax.com](http://www.tuckermax.com) … here you will find all his stories posted… Winner! I was trying to describe this book to my husband and lacked the word power and time to even scrape the surface of douchery. It’s so far beyond that that I can’t even describe it. I can’t belive this guy is still in one piece! There were several times that I just could not go on… And there you go…that statement sold some more books for the guy (or at least got him some library rentals!) Damn it! ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/38 "2008-12-10T05:32:36Z")
My top 10 1. George Bush (because thousands of people died because of him and he doesn’t care. Douche.) 2. John Edwards (because he actually hurts people) 3. Sylvia Browne (because she actually hurts people) 4. Sean Hannity (meathead, Long Island douche) 5. Bill O’Reilly (holier-than-thou, hypocritical douche) 6. Rush Limbaugh (there are no words, except Douche!) 7. Dick Cheney (a dick and a douche) 8. Alan Keyes (an embarrassing douche) 9. Clarence Thomas (a self-hating douche) 10. Alberto Gonzales (incompetent, yet dangerous douche) ---
**Author:** ![PetW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@PetW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PetW)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/39 "2008-12-10T05:58:15Z")
> [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Can I submit this guy as a contender? > > [http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/jalopnik/full/~3/DjVDL2DCE\_E/biker-busted-for-speeding-tries-to-fight-the-law-and-guess-who-won](http://feeds.gawker.com/~r/jalopnik/full/~3/DjVDL2DCE_E/biker-busted-for-speeding-tries-to-fight-the-law-and-guess-who-won) Man the payoff in the last few seconds of that video is worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2008, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938/40 "2008-12-10T06:04:20Z")
George W. Bush is not a douche… He’s a turd sandwich. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-biggest-douche-in-the-universe/472938.md?page=3)