# The Body Language of Women. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 22, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179 "2003-04-22T00:02:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/41 "2003-04-23T19:14:21Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, sure I like you, **Knead**. But, can’t we just be friends? 😉 I’m sure we could if you’d quit sending me those _mixed messages_ for cryin’ out loud! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/42 "2003-04-24T00:54:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KneadToKnow \* > \*\*I’m sure we could if you’d quit sending me those _mixed messages_ for cryin’ out loud!😛 \*\* Sorry. I must be a little TOO in touch with my feminine side. 😉 It just dawned on me! _ **I** _ am in a movie that’s running in **Jane D’oh!**'s head! COOL! 🆒 I’d add that to my sig, too, if I had that kind of sig. ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/43 "2003-04-24T08:05:48Z")
**Davebear** , Touches are difficult because there are all sorts of touches. But when a woman grabs my hand like Jane (no relation to **Jane D’oh** ), she could only be more direct if she had said it right out. I had my hands flat on the table, one on top of another. She just put her hand right between mine and grabbed my left hand, and was just holding my hand when we talked. **Jane D’oh** , Or when a guy runs his hands up and down your arms or back. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/44 "2003-04-24T11:18:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Urban Ranger \* > \*\ ***Davebear** , > > Touches are difficult because there are all sorts of touches. But when a woman grabs my hand like Jane (no relation to **Jane D’oh** ), she could only be more direct if she had said it right out. I had my hands flat on the table, one on top of another. She just put her hand right between mine and grabbed my left hand, and was just holding my hand when we talked.\*\* Yep. That’s pretty clear. That’s why I wanted to be sure of the distinction you were making. There’s a woman at work who tends to touch me on the back of my hand, among other places. But, she’s just a “touchy person”. I’ve seen her do it to lots of other people, so I’m pretty sure she’s not sending any signals. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/45 "2003-04-24T12:04:23Z")
Huh? Wha?? She wants to know if you are, in fact, Speed Racer?? Harumph !! Women. Sure they go for the flashy car every time. What about the **Cartoon** character who drives a lowly mini-van? What about him? What about HIS needs? Huh?? My GOD WHY WON’T THEY THINK ABOUT THE AVERAGE GUY ? -twitch- -twitch- Hello. Sorry, I’m back. If a woman was exhitibing subtle physical signals such as foot rubbing against my leg, or excessive hand or arm touching, I’d be aware of it and just do my best to be polite. As **Davebear** says, some people are more touchy than others. I myself am fairly touchy but only once I have reached a certain threshold of comfort with a person. Then it’s basically a Saliva-Grope Lalapallooza. 😛 Before that, I tend to watch how the other person is behaving. I’m unnerved by people who presume ( through the amazingly deep silent communication methods being discussed herein ) a level of personal comfort that we both don’t feel yet. The flipside of that scenario is the Internet. You feel incredibly close to someone and then upon meeting them hope/plan/wish/need/crave a hug or at least some sort of physical connection, and realize that on that level at least, you are still total strangers. I know that were I ever to meet the woman who is so much more than my best friend, it’d be difficult to negotiate the waters. I’m pretty good and telling signals from a person, opposed to dealing with one of **Davebear** ’s " touchy people ". Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/46 "2003-04-24T12:10:16Z")
Women are always giving me very direct signals. Frex: They run away, screaming. The sobbing, the whimpering, the broken cries of “No, no, no.” Gibbering in eldritch horror. Attempts at suicide. Really, women are not that subtle! ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/47 "2003-04-24T13:00:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*Ummm…sorry guys, but, if you’re already making out with a girl and you don’t know she likes you, you’re beyond clueless, and well into “dumb as a bag of hammers” territory. No offence, but :smack: \*\* In my defense, I didn’t say that I didn’t know if she liked me, but I didn’t know if she would go out with me. You see Mrs. Prefect and I when to a private combo high-school/college, I was in grade 12, she was first year college. She had tons of college men chasing her and I was a skinny high-school punk, utterly infatuated, but completely out of my league. I knew she liked me, but I didn’t think she would date below her league. So you can keep your :smack: to yourself, my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/48 "2003-04-24T13:45:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fauxpas \* > \*\*I also read something about pupils being dilated when you like someone, how do I go about doing this? > \*\* Belladonna. ---
**Author:** ![jazzmine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jazzmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jazzmine)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/49 "2003-04-24T13:58:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lamia \* > \*\*Belladonna. \*\* _laughs out loud_ Perfect answer. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/50 "2003-04-24T15:47:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FordPrefect \* > **She had tons of college men chasing her and I was a skinny high-school punk, utterly infatuated, but completely out of my league.** Judging by that, it was probably your cluelessness that attracted her, in the first place. So, keep up the denial; it works, for you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/51 "2003-04-24T16:04:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Davebear \* > \*\*Judging by that, it was probably your cluelessness that attracted her, in the first place. So, keep up the denial; it works, for you. 😃 \*\* I prefer the term “moldable” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![av8rmike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/edb3f5/32.png) [@av8rmike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/av8rmike)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/52 "2003-04-24T16:26:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Urban Ranger \* > \*\ ***Davebear** , > > Touches are difficult because there are all sorts of touches. But when a woman grabs my hand like Jane (no relation to **Jane D’oh** ), she could only be more direct if she had said it right out.\*\* I’ll be one in the room not to smack **fauxpas** with the clue-by-four, only because I’ve known my share of women who’ve sent out what I thought were clear signals. Then later, it’s, “sorry, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression or anything, but that’s not what I meant.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/53 "2003-04-24T19:32:49Z")
I’m male and therefore, for reasons both physical and cultural, not especially defensive and resentful of people wanting to pick me up (for date or “of-the-moment” quickie thing, either way). I’m heterosexual and therefore, for comparable reasons, the people I’m attracted to often _are_ defensive and resentful about overly-constant and overly-blunt attempts of that nature. I’m not like the guys who cause them to be defensive and resentful–don’t even consider myself to be of the same gender–so I don’t _do_ things that might trigger that kind of response, even when failing to do so means no connection occurs. The women who are attracted to me either will or will not figure that much out. The ones who can’t figure that much out without me explaining it to them probably would not be of interest to me. I don’t require that women whop me over the head with a big club and drag me by the hair back to their cave. I’m fine with “I’d like to go out with you” but subtlety is fine too as long as “subtlety” isn’t a euphemism for “I’m waiting for you, the guy, to commit yourself; me, I’m just hinting and flirting, cuz I’m the girl”. Subtlety is fine as long as me doing back to you exactly what you’re doing to me would get us there. (That’s not how I dance but the results are the same). I’ll definitely meet you 49.999999999999999999999 % of the way. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/54 "2003-04-24T20:31:54Z")
Oh for God’s sake. Nothing pisses me off faster than reading shit like this: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hedra \* > \*\*Anyway, my dear husband **epeepunk** needed the clue-by-4 to the head. Hard. Twice. > > We’ve gone over his other girl-encounters prior to me. Most had tried all sorts of things to get him to notice they were interested more than just friendly-like. I remember one particularly yummy redhead spending much of the summer with him and then him sending her a letter talking all about his new girlfriend at college. She was crushed, but I advised her that the man was a clue-free zone. He’d never noticed that they were essentially dating, without the smooching. He thought they were just friends. OOPS. > \*\* If there was no “smooching,” then they _weren’t_ dating, and if she thought there was anything more to their relationship than just hanging out, then she was a naive idiot. \*\* > [@](#): > > Another case in point, my ex-fiance’ (pre- **ep** ), who started dating me, got engaged, and in prep for moving back to our area told the people he hung out with, including one major hottie, who was stunned. She didn’t know he was available, she’d been waiting for him to make the ‘I’m interested’ precursor signs so that she could ask him out! He had assumed that since she didn’t make any precursor ‘I’m interested’ signs, she _wasn’t_ interested, so he didn’t pursue it. > \*\* Wait, she was expecting him to make a move so **she** could make a move?! Had she never heard of something called _taking initiative??_ I mean, Jesus H. Christ am I tired of guys being called “clueless” just because they don’t do exactly what the woman wants for her. Welcome to Our World ladies. Rule #1: If you aren’t willing to risk rejection, then you deserve to be alone. Want to be with a certain guy? Then get off your ass and be direct. After all, that’s what _we_ are expected to do. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose. A guy is not obligated to do _ **anything** _ just because you “show interest.” ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/55 "2003-04-24T22:45:27Z")
**Fauxpa** , I’d say you can get a big clue if she’ll let you sit right next to her, touching shoulders all the while, even though there’s not a good reason to have to do it. If she lets you hold her hand, then you’re past the touchdown, and on to the victory lap. I mention this only because you seem to want something other than just asking her out. I completely recommend just asking. The chances she’ll say No are so low as to be almost zero. You’ll also look better for having had the guts to do it. ---
**Author:** ![fauxpas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e480ec/32.png) [@fauxpas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fauxpas)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/56 "2003-04-24T23:14:32Z")
Well.we’re going out this Saturday afternoon. But then again it’s just as friends. I saw her yesterday and she didn’t rellay come to me until her friends came to her, then she came and she asked me what time it was good to pick her up, while saying this, she was smiling, notice: Smiling! 🙂 Not Grinning! Anyways. I said around 1:00 PM and she said cool. But there’s something strange. She calls me but I’d like to call her but her dad doesnt let guys call her. Was she just saying this or is this probably true? I hope she knows what day it is today? UP! That’s right, today is the day on 1929 the Armenian Genocide ocurred. I’m guessing she’d like to know, since she’s Russian and dark-toned. Might be something strong to talk about today when she calls. (She made a schedule to talk to me, once before school in the morning and then around 6:00 PM. ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/57 "2003-04-25T11:51:52Z")
I’d say she has a positive interest in you. ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/58 "2003-04-25T12:38:28Z")
It’s easy to tell whether a person is “touchy” or not. Of course, the best hint is still diluted pupils. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179/59 "2003-04-25T21:59:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Urban Ranger \* > \*\*It’s easy to tell whether a person is “touchy” or not. Of course, the best hint is still diluted pupils. \*\* Just guessing here, but I suspect you mean dilated pupils. Unless she happens to have those “limpid pools” for eyes, that you’re always reading about. I guess heavy rains could cause the pools to be diluted. 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-body-language-of-women/170179.md?page=2)