# The boxes of shit they call computers **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955 "2003-01-21T07:56:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr\_Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mr\_Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Blonde)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/1 "2003-01-21T07:56:43Z")
So you’ve paid out all you hard earned money for one. Maybe you’ve stolen one. Maybe your work allow you to use one. Either way it **will** fuck up. Why? Because they’re shit. “But computers only do what you tell them” I hear you cry. WRONG. They do what they want to do in order to piss me off the most. Just me as well; it’s a conspiracy! I can see them laughing at me. The one next to me just wasted my whole Monday. I can never get that back you know! Anyways, Hello. My works computer fucked up and won’t let me go to my old forums any more so I’ve moved on to pastures new (and maybe greener?) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jonno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f19dbf/32.png) [@Jonno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonno)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/2 "2003-01-21T09:01:33Z")
Welcome to the SDMB. The decaf is in the orange pot. ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/3 "2003-01-21T10:25:37Z")
Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Oh by the way we need more milk. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Rant. Love the … Anyways, Hello diversion. Sensational and welcome. ---
**Author:** ![white-tigeress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f475e1/32.png) [@white-tigeress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/white-tigeress)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/4 "2003-01-21T10:47:07Z")
Computers rule!! ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/5 "2003-01-21T11:19:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by white-tigeress \* > \*\*Computers rule!! \*\* Yes, actually they do. And the OP would do well to know this and show our new masters proper respect. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/6 "2003-01-21T14:02:57Z")
The thing you must remember is that when persistent debugging fails, threatening your computer with physical destruction. Better yet, bring in a sacrificial iMac and go Office Space on it in full view of the offending comupter. That ususally works for mine. ---
**Author:** ![heresiarch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@heresiarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heresiarch)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/7 "2003-01-21T14:07:25Z")
Don’t anthropomorphize computers. They _hate_ that! [sub]I wish I could remember who I stole that joke from. Might have been **Fierra** …[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mr\_Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Blonde)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/8 "2003-01-21T14:55:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by white-tigeress \* > \*\*Computers rule!! \*\* My life. Yes. As for the threat of destuction. I’ve tried it and it just laughs in my face. I can feel it now, waiting to randomly shut down my browser just before I finish typing. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/9 "2003-01-21T14:58:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by white-tigeress \* > \*\*Computers rule!! \*\* I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mr\_Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Blonde)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/10 "2003-01-21T15:01:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Buck The Diver \* > \*\*I, for one, welcome our new computer overlords. \*\* You are entering a world of pain my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/11 "2003-01-21T15:40:28Z")
_snickers_ No, computers do what the **programmers** tell them to do, even if they didn’t mean to tell them to do **that**. Users are at their mercy. 😃 [Behind the scenes look at computers] Programmer: “So, when the user presses enter, randomly pick from a) entering the data properly, b) screwing up their files, and/or c) printing out random garbage (including any porno pics the user has) to the networked printer that resides right next to the CEO’s office.” Computer: “Sure.” (Cut to user tapping ‘enter’) Computer: _prints out random files, sticks porno in data file_ User: WTF?!?!? _fade to black, with the programmer’s laughter ringing through the air_ “Teach them to mock me and my uber-nerdness!” [End behind the scenes] (Oh, and welcome to the boards.) * * * \<\<------------ The information went data way!!! ------------\>\> ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/12 "2003-01-21T18:30:09Z")
The computer is your friend. The computer loves you. Please smile when using the computer. Any unhappiness is a sign of rebellion. Rebels will be cured of their rebellious nature. Remember, the computer loves you. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/13 "2003-01-21T18:33:34Z")
You think that’s bad, you should see the boxes of shit they call boxes of shit! I mean, it’s nothing but a box of shit! Literally! [sub]Real Player works about equally well, though.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/14 "2003-01-21T18:39:42Z")
[sup]That and Quicktime…Now, Quicktime _is_ a box of shit.[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/15 "2003-01-21T19:02:14Z")
So go back to your abacus then. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/16 "2003-01-21T19:10:46Z")
See, the trick is to have many computers in the same space. The moment one shows any sign of weakness, I proclaim in a loud voice “well, looks like one of you isn’t cutting it!” and then take an axe to it while humming Carmina Burana. I swear, it’s just like getting and upgrade! The others are so terrified that they work faster and harder. ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/17 "2003-01-21T19:21:35Z")
> [@](#): > > The thing you must remember is that when persistent debugging fails, threatening your computer with physical destruction. > > Better yet, bring in a sacrificial iMac and go Office Space on it in full view of the offending comupter. That ususally works for mine. > [@](#): > > See, the trick is to have many computers in the same space. The moment one shows any sign of weakness, I proclaim in a loud voice “well, looks like one of you isn’t cutting it!” and then take an axe to it while humming Carmina Burana. > > I swear, it’s just like getting and upgrade! The others are so terrified that they work faster and harder. So, are you borrowing from Connections by James Burke or Good Omens? ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/18 "2003-01-21T19:29:56Z")
Haven’t heard of Connections, naturally I have heard of Good Omens (but not read it). I take it I am not the first to think of this? ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/19 "2003-01-21T19:39:52Z")
Fortunately, our new Overlords have the same weakness as the Martian Overlords in _War of the Worlds_. (Lost my hard drive at home to a trojan virus) :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955/20 "2003-01-21T20:39:34Z")
James Burke had a video series about technology which culminated in asking, “Do we continue to accept more and changing technology?” If yes, we would have more of and larger problems of the type the series covered. If we decided not to accept more tech… (cue a very disturbing sequence of various pieces of technology being smashed, with an axe, to Carmina Burana.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-boxes-of-shit-they-call-computers/149955.md?page=2)