# The British Empire was... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 22, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845 "2003-02-22T22:44:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/41 "2003-02-24T01:21:55Z")
Aw hell, I say we just give the whole shebang over to the Canadians and move on. We’ll see how successful they are at getting hockey started in the Carribean. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/42 "2003-02-24T03:49:42Z")
I can’t remember where I read this recently, but the penultimate governor of the British protectorate of Aden (now Yemen) said in the early 1960s that if the British Empire were to sink into the sea tomorrow, its greatest legacies to mankind would be Association Football and the phrase “Fuck Off.” ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/43 "2003-02-24T04:25:19Z")
I just love how you included democracy in your list. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/44 "2003-02-24T04:38:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rodd Hill \* > \*\*I can’t remember where I read this recently, but the penultimate governor of the British protectorate of Aden (now Yemen) said in the early 1960s that if the British Empire were to sink into the sea tomorrow, its greatest legacies to mankind would be Association Football and the phrase **"Fuck Off."** > \*\* No,no no. Fuckov is from a great Russia hockey player. “He shoots! He Sc-ooores!” “Who?” “Fuckov. Pistov with the assist.” ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/45 "2003-02-24T08:39:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pkbites \* > **A little British blood in everyone? Ugly women, bad teeth, strange senses of humor, etc.** Do you know, you could be the most consistently fucking stupid poster on this board. I must remember to look out for you attending a dopefest sometime, as I’d like to discuss that remark further. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/46 "2003-02-24T09:28:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spiny Norman \* > \*\*Ehm - the above reference to Swein Forkbeard conquering England was of course made by me, **Spiny Norman** , not by **Shayna**. \*\* On the other hand, I do vaguely recall good old Horatio Nelson paddling over to Copenhagen and beating the living shit out of the Danes. 😃 You can’t go harking back to the Forkbeard. Dang it, we weren’t even a United Kingdom in those days, let alone an empire. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/47 "2003-02-24T10:47:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*If it wasn’t for the Republic of the Netherlands, who selflessly shipped all those well-educated, broad-minded and bushman-loving _boeren_ (“farmers”) over in the first place, there wouldn’t have BEEN a struggle to try and stop British Oppression! Um, are you being [funny](http://www.moreorless.au.com/background/south-africa.htm)? > [@](#): > > In the 18th Century the Boer play a key role in the expansion of the settlement, travelling inland to violently displace the indigenous Africans and establish largely self-ruled farming communities. By the end of the century the settlement numbers nearly 20,000 Europeans and almost 25,000 slaves. > > The British seize control of the Cape settlement in 1795. Wanting the settlement to remain as small as possible, they fix its boundaries, reign in the Boer and attempt to curb further expansion. In 1807 the British parliament orders an end to British participation in the slave trade across the world. The order unsettles the Boer, who are further antagonised when the British attempt to temper the racial discrimination that has grown in the settlement. In 1833 the British parliament outlaws slavery throughout the empire. > > By 1836 many Boer have had enough and embark on the ‘Great Trek’ into the interior to establish communities free from British rule. About 6,000 Boer will make the journey. They tend to bypass areas with large African populations but violent conflict is unavoidable. I’m not trying to be incendiary, but I do find it curious–most Dutch that I’ve met abroad go out of their way to disavow any allegience with the Afrikaaners. What do the cloggers really think of their cousins down south? ---
**Author:** ![Royal\_Berk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c37758/32.png) [@Royal\_Berk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Royal_Berk)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/48 "2003-02-24T11:36:02Z")
Sole purpose of the British Empire was to make sure the British crown got more stuff than the French crown or the Spanish crown or the … et., etc. In the process of doing this they found they ‘owned’ most of the world - mainly to stop the other chap from ‘owning’ it. I doubt many British, French or Spanish people were ever asked. This seemed such a good game that newer nations like Germany and Japan thought they might to own large chunks too. (Even the anti-imperialist U.S. had a go in the Pacific.) However I think that most of the 20th century proved rather conclusively that it was a bit of a bad idea, on the whole. I’m rather glad that the British Empire shut itself down, ‘comparatively peacefully’, rather than hang around unwanted like the French. So, speaking as an Englishman, I’ll think we’ll pass on your kind offer, this time. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/49 "2003-02-24T12:01:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Royal Berk \* > Sole purpose of the British Empire was to make sure the British crown got more stuff than the French crown or the Spanish crown or the … et., etc. On the other hand, [red coats and white pith helmets](http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0240510/FF-5634.jpg) did look rather smashing, old boy. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/50 "2003-02-24T12:47:59Z")
You merkins should be freaking grateful we had an Empire and populated much of your country - in particularly installing our language upon you. Otherwise you’d be forever worrying about accents and genders and cases. And what have you done in return? Totally mess it up, mispronounce it, and spell things badly. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/51 "2003-02-24T13:07:05Z")
Hey maybe we should all just do what the Brits what us to. Remember if it weren’t for them we’d all be speaking _add whatever language_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/52 "2003-02-24T13:29:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Doghouse Reilly \* > **Um, are you being [funny](http://www.moreorless.au.com/background/south-africa.htm)?** Yes, I was obviously being sarcastic. Dutch history is drenched in blood. Hardly anything to be proud of. It’s a good thing I have fuck all to do with it, other than to be born on the same piece of land. My point was that _any_ flagwaving is ridiculous, especially based on the historical “merits” of a country. My country was once a superpower too. It benefited the Dutch only, and must have been a miserable time for anyone who happened to live in Indonesia or South Africa. > [@](#): > > \*\*I’m not trying to be incendiary, but I do find it curious–most Dutch that I’ve met abroad go out of their way to disavow any allegience with the Afrikaaners. What do the cloggers really think of their cousins down south? \*\* Can’t speak for all of us, but I’d say the general view is that whilst the modern Netherlands lobied hard to get the Apartheid regime out of the way, it is a fact of life that the same country stood at the very cradle of that system. Apartheid is the only Dutch word that made it into all other languages unchanged - says a lot about our history and influence. How do we think of our cousins down south? Having been to South Africa, I can tell you there’s a world of difference between the two populations. White South Africans, as a whole, are culturally much farther apart from the Dutch than, say, Americans are from the British. There is still a lot of racism in RSA (on both sides, I might add). I’ve spoken to Boers whose words left me flabbergasted. I felt like I was transported back in time a century or two. In fairness, Í’ve met plenty of decent, lovely folks down there as well, both white and black. But there IS a lot of hate and mistrust in that country, any South African will agree with me on that. So, I guess we don’t think of them as our “cousins” anymore. The language (and Afrikaans is just beautiful!) is a reminder of the ties we once had. Other than that, the countries couldn’t be farther apart, and I don’t mean geographically. Having said all that: it is the most beautiful country I have ever visited, and I can’t wait to go back. ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/53 "2003-02-24T16:58:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \* > **Do you know, you could** Are you offended by Austin Powers movies? They tend to exhibit most of what I was saying. Why you think you have the right to not be offended is beyond me. This is is Pit after all. And where did I say that these were bad things? I said **“I’m in”** , did I not? Lighten up! You will never meet me at a Dope fest. I certainly wouldn’t attend a party that would invite the likes of me!😃 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/54 "2003-02-24T17:21:40Z")
**pkbites** , you are indeed a bit of an arse, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt in one area: in general, us Brits don’t indeed spend as much time and money at the orthodonitst as you Yanks, though clearly Austin Powers is an exaggeration. However, you are _so wrong_ about the women. Do a google on “brit babes” and you’ll see what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/55 "2003-02-24T17:28:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pkbites \* > \*\*Are you offended by Austin Powers movies? \*\* No, but I don’t think they’re documentaries. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/56 "2003-02-24T17:56:21Z")
Austin Powers is no more a documentary than COPS is. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/57 "2003-02-24T17:58:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > \*\ ***pkbites** , you are indeed a bit of an arse, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt in one area: in general, us Brits don’t indeed spend as much time and money at the orthodonitst as you Yanks, though clearly Austin Powers is an exaggeration. > > However, you are _so wrong_ about the women. Do a google on “brit babes” and you’ll see what I mean. \*\* Better yet, check out www. page3. com ---
**Author:** ![Hayduke\_Lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Hayduke\_Lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hayduke_Lives)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/58 "2003-02-24T19:41:44Z")
What about “The Big Book of British Smiles” from the Simpsons. You guys maybe are taking what **pkbites** says much too seriously and maybe need to get off your high horses. Are you so sensitive you cannot detect a joke when you read it? I’ve seen pretty many TV shows and movies that presented stereo types of Brits having bad teeth, “English humor”, and yes, even homely women with hairy legs. Just sterotypes meant to be humorous. Maybe it’s the cold weather here that gives us Cheese Heads our overly sharp humor, but gosh, you do need to lighten up a wee bit. I’m sure there are stereo types of Americans that Britions tell and laugh at. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/59 "2003-02-24T23:39:09Z")
Hayduke, regardless of how “funny” you find stereotypes, some people don’t find them “funny”. Regardless, its all about intent. I personally didn’t see much intent of humor in his post. He was called on it. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845/60 "2003-02-24T23:59:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yojimbo \* > \*\*Hey maybe we should all just do what the Brits what us to. > > Remember if it weren’t for them we’d all be speaking _add whatever language_ 😉 \*\* If it wasn’t for us, you’d all be speaking Irish (and you know how bad Dubs are at that). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-british-empire-was/156845.md?page=4)