# The Bureau of Spontaneously Made-Up Statistics **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 22, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383 "2005-02-22T19:07:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/41 "2005-02-23T06:01:06Z")
50% of Americans are below average. 25% of Americans are deeply troubled by that statistic. 25% of Americans make money off of it. 80% of that 25% are elected officials. And the other 20% think my penis needs to be big enough to reach Nigeria. The Universe’s vital statistics: Population: 0 Landmass: 0 miles GDP: $0.00 **You don’t exist. Go away.** ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/42 "2005-02-23T06:08:55Z")
A % , if devided into percents would equal three equal parts, the little zero, the big diagonal slash, which is nothing more that a little zero with a properly executed plan, and yet one more little zero, thus leaving us with a sense of wonder. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/43 "2005-02-23T06:11:40Z")
35% of Texans believe that George Bush is still their governor as well President of the U.S. 39% of NHL players were glad that the season was cancelled because they were tired of all the fighting. 58% of Male Democrats admit to masturbating to Photoshopped images of Hillary Clinton posted on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/44 "2005-02-23T06:39:14Z")
97% of the world population knows what the speed of light is, if expressed in furlongs per fortnight. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/45 "2005-02-23T07:09:12Z")
The average Canadian has one testicle, whereas the average 'Mercan will shoot you before they figure out the joke. Meanwhile, 79.4% of Frenchwomen (and those of the fairer sex) eat 92.3% of all the 12.333% milkfat cheese produced in 66.5% of Europe by 79% of one-legged cheesemakers that isn’t eaten by 87.2% of the Belgians in 75% of recent fiscal quarters for which statistics have been made up. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/46 "2005-02-23T07:13:31Z")
And this alarming statistic just in; 99.9% of all statistics used in news stories will be referred to as ‘alarming’! Back to you, Jane… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/47 "2005-02-23T07:21:23Z")
The sum of the area of the four sides of the Great Pyramid of Giza is equal to precisely 1/3 of the population of Burbank, California divided by the distance between Ayer’s Rock, Australia, and the site of the oringal Bob’s Big Boy, as measured North by Northwest, thereby conclusively proving that Steve Jobs is, in fact, a marmoset. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/48 "2005-02-23T07:57:44Z")
100% of the visits to the Marianas Trench were made in 1960. For 33.333% of an hour. When asked to describe the effect of a dog biting you on the arse: 43% of Americans would flail their arms 2% of Belgians would run in a circle 72% of Dopers would burn said dog ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/49 "2005-02-23T13:34:53Z")
87% of those born in may of 1973 and who currently reside in the most north-western town on Wisconsin agree: “Wiggidy-flapparoo!” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/50 "2005-02-23T13:41:47Z")
60% of the time statistics are accurate EVERY time. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/51 "2005-02-23T14:22:37Z")
82% of people consider themselves to be of above average intelligence ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/52 "2005-02-23T15:02:16Z")
> [@grimpixie](#): > > 82% of people consider themselves to be of above average intelligence And the other 32% just don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/53 "2005-02-23T15:40:15Z")
95% of American athletes believe that to give it your all you must give 110%. Lawyers only win 50% of their cases. While the odds of getting struck by lightning are 700,000 to 1, those odds are much worse if you are standing in an electrical storm with a golf club over your head. Sharks kill dozens of people every year. People kill thousands of people every year. If you need me, I’ll be in the water. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/54 "2005-02-23T15:43:01Z")
> [@susan\_foster](#): > > Eleventy-seven percent of people will come up with the right Simpsons’ quote for this thread. > > Susan “Crimes such as Vadelism are down 60%, but cimes such as heavy sack beatings are up an amazing 900%!” “Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anytihng…forty percent of all prople know that.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/55 "2005-02-23T16:26:54Z")
Of persons born in 1839 who ate pickles, there is not a single survivor. -Playboy Magazine An alarmingly high percentage of people in India…_(dramatic pause)_…are Indians. Not only that, but if you rub your tires with fazznfronstin nnn, you’ll get 30% more pernagliuffdgrmpal than fworblgumpsn nn and save money too. -Cliff Nazarro, deservedly obscure 1940s comedian ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/56 "2005-02-23T17:25:56Z")
Just in, 4 out of 5 doctors leaves 1 doctor. ---
**Author:** ![InvidiousCourgette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@InvidiousCourgette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InvidiousCourgette)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/57 "2005-02-23T19:15:12Z")
The approval rating for this thread will drop by an astounding 36% following this post. This estimate is based on a telephone survey of 1013 randomly selected international heads of government. The confidence level of this statistic is 95% of being within +/- 3%. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/58 "2005-02-24T12:46:20Z")
When asked if ignorance was caused by stupidity or apathy, 50% replied “I don’t know” and the other responders replied 'I don’t care." ---
**Author:** ![Claude\_Remains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@Claude\_Remains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claude_Remains)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/59 "2005-02-24T20:01:43Z")
The average penis is 5.1 inches long. The average vagina is 7.5 inches deep. There is approximatly 5,666 miles of untapped pussy in the continental U.S. alone. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383/60 "2005-02-24T20:21:27Z")
0% of posts before this one have said: BAND NAME! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-bureau-of-spontaneously-made-up-statistics/291383.md?page=4)