# The Cecil Adams Pit Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 13, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505 "2003-04-13T22:04:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/21 "2003-04-14T00:41:01Z")
I seriously hope that no one is fucking stupid enough to believe that (a) Cecil Adams is a real person. He ain’t. We’ve been over this before. He’s not going to show up at Dopefest to say “Hi.” He doesn’t look like Harry Knowles. As it’s Sunday, Ed is probably out feeding the ducks somewhere, so he probably won’t drop by with some witticism. (b) He (the _character_ Cecil) is the world’s smartest human. He ain’t. I’d bet there are some folks here on the boards who are smarter; hell, I imagine Collounsbury could give him a serious lesson on the Middle East. © He’s infallible. He ain’t. He’s been shown to be wrong several times, though frankly (despite the “Straight Dope” moniker) he rarely admits his errors. That’s The Straight Dope. Some of you may find it ironic that a website/column which claims to be “fighting ignorance” is guilty of spreading it itself. Get over it. The “idea” of Cecil is soooooo cute that we’ve (apparently) just gotta keep laping it up. Hooray! ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/22 "2003-04-14T00:44:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Troy McClure SF \* > \*\*How dare you address the Perfect Master in such a tone, simpleton! > > Why should Mr. Adams spend any time here? At the end of the day, when you’re trying to find out [who invented the smiley face](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_031.html), the _last_ thing you want to do is go online, and see 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 all over a site that’s supposedly dedicated to you. Show some goddamned respect. > > Mr. Adams, if you do happen to venture in here, please realize that not all of us resent you, and that many of us, in fact, have nothing but respect and, quite frankly, awe, for you and your work. Have mercy on us all. \*\* Oh boy, I am definitely voting for some form of brown-nosing emoticon next election. BTW, Cecil you smell like a nose! ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/23 "2003-04-14T01:07:48Z")
Excuse me? Asking “Cecil” to jump in and start posting more is like asking Sherlock Holmes to start “mingling” with the civvies more. In other words, it’s a damned hard thing for a fictional character to do, unless those on the other end of the strings- IE, those that write said works of fiction- take part. Perhaps we can “pit” Anubis, or Odin, or a wood-elf next. It’s admittedly fun pretending “Cecil” is a single person, incalculably smart, and not actually a group of people who are simply fairly good at looking up information in libraries and elsewhere, and who write collectively under a (copyrighted) pen name. But let’s get real- pitting Cecil is like trying to pit Mark Slackmeyer from _Doonesbury_ or Maggie from _The Simpsons_. (On preview, I see **leander** basically said the same thing. Cheers!) ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/24 "2003-04-14T01:23:24Z")
Well, as an atheist I find this thread moot, as I do not believe in Cecil, for the sake of consistency. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/25 "2003-04-14T01:46:11Z")
I’m surely going to Hell for the following parody, but I can’t let Cecil be Pitted without sniping back!😛 \*We give you thanks, O Perfect Master, we give you thanks, calling upon Cecil and declaring all His wonderful deeds. “I will dispel ignorance,” says Cecil; "I will oversee the Columns. Though the Message Board and all it’s posters are confounded, I will make their knowledge secure. I will say to the Pitters, ‘Pit no more,’ and to the banned, 'Do not protest your fate: Do not toss your horns like the Emperor of the World, nor pit with a barbed tongue.’" For ignorance is from the east and from the west, yea, it is in the wilderness of the forums. It is Cecil who judges: he dispels false knowledge and silences glurge. For is Cecil’s head the is much knowlege, it is full of facts and cites, which he pours out, and all of those in the Pit shall taste of it and glean it’s bounty. But I will post happily forever; I will sing praises to the Perfect Master. Cecil will break off the posting privileges of all who question him; But the posts of the deserving shall be placed in Teemings.\* (My apologies to King David) ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/26 "2003-04-14T01:46:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Polycarp \* > \*\*Ah, you probably don’t know the original words to “Western Union”!! 😉 > > 😃 \*\* what? there are other lyrics out there? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/27 "2003-04-14T02:06:27Z")
Ok, I’d like to say that as a person of faith, Cecil is there, and he’s perfectly real. Simply because his existence is non-falsifiable does not mean he isn’t real. You can’t discount the many miracles His followers have produced and the miriad ‘appearances’ such as the Cecil of Lourdes, and the Shroud of Cecil. When Pilate investigated claims of Cecil’s ressurection, why was the tomb found empty? Surely the guards would have noticed when the His followers pulled His body out? Yet the Atheists of this board refuse to acknowledge the evidence of His existance and His Almighty powers? I for one find the evidence compelling enough to believe. **Cecil forgive them! They know not what they do!** ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/28 "2003-04-14T02:09:17Z")
Oh, and ::ahem:: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/29 "2003-04-14T02:19:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Copaesthetic \* > \*\*Ok, I’d like to say that as a person of faith, Cecil is there, and he’s perfectly real. > > Simply because his existence is non-falsifiable does not mean he isn’t real. You can’t discount the many miracles His followers have produced and the miriad ‘appearances’ such as the Cecil of Lourdes, and the Shroud of Cecil. > > When Pilate investigated claims of Cecil’s ressurection, why was the tomb found empty? Surely the guards would have noticed when the His followers pulled His body out? > > Yet the Atheists of this board refuse to acknowledge the evidence of His existance and His Almighty powers? > > I for one find the evidence compelling enough to believe. > > **Cecil forgive them! They know not what they do!** \*\* Now, if only that argument were capable of cross-platform transport, to the religious threads in Great Debates! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/30 "2003-04-14T02:22:00Z")
I can’t believe the heresy I’m hearing in this thread. Cecil…fictional? Feh. Prove it. Damn infidels. ---
**Author:** ![Shaolinrabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Shaolinrabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shaolinrabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/31 "2003-04-14T02:35:57Z")
You know what? Let’s call down the Master. Cecil, pop in here and tell them you’re real. How’d you like to try that in GD **Poly**? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/32 "2003-04-14T02:40:48Z")
Man, I’m getting the overwhelming urge to nail all you heretics to a tree. Best watch yourselves. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/33 "2003-04-14T02:46:13Z")
I just want to post on this thread in case He shows up. I was on a thread once, one of Esprix’s I think, where He actually POSTED! I’m still shaking. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/34 "2003-04-14T02:51:03Z")
> [@](#): > > I’d be a purple bunny Peep, given my druthers. The original chicks are nice, but they lack the sense of destruction that biting the ears off a bunny Peep gives you. Hey, same here. And I’ve been really pissed lately, because all the stores only seem to have the chicks, and no bunnies. ☹ Perhaps if we sent **Cecil** some purple bunny Peeps… ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/35 "2003-04-14T02:59:38Z")
**Scylla the perfect** said > [@](#): > > And another thing, your etymology threads are boring. Nobody cares where “Cwym” came from except a few pompous English majors and some guys in kilts. Cecil rarely contributes “etymology” columns. They are mostly mailbag/staff reports. He’s probably as bored with word origins as he is with your posturing, **Scylla**. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/36 "2003-04-14T03:20:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > **Perfect Master or the Partisan Hack depending on your viewpoint** After the “Damn fool war” comment and the column about NASA, I’m merely downgrading him to **Mostly Perfect Master**. IMHO, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/37 "2003-04-14T03:22:55Z")
We need to get an Inquisition going, to root out all the heretical posters here who do not believe in the One True Cecil. They won’t expect it! _Bowing low before the monitor, wherein the Perfect Master dwells, offering up a plate of both purple bunnies and yellow chicks. Gods like diversity too!_ ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/38 "2003-04-14T03:24:55Z")
I see that \*\*drewbert \*\* will be among the first to go to the stake! ---
**Author:** ![TJ555\_The\_Golfer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/41988e/32.png) [@TJ555\_The\_Golfer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJ555_The_Golfer)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/39 "2003-04-14T03:25:04Z")
Hey Cecil, look at me!!! Hey wait, stop you pervert. Don’t look at that. Mom, Cecil is looking at my penis. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505/40 "2003-04-14T03:59:51Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Doc Nickel** _: > (On preview, I see **leander** basically said the same thing. Cheers!) **Doc Nickel** , your little friend is wrong. He has been affected by the credulism of a credulous age. He does not accept except what he sees on Oprah. He thinks that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by his little mind. All minds, **Doc Nickel** , whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, **Doc Nickel** , there is a Cecil Adams. He exists as certainly as investigation and research and analysis exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Cecil Adams! It would be as dreary as if there were no **Doc Nickel**. There would be no ornery skepticism then, no doubting, no analysis to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood’s demands for truth fill the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Cecil Adams! You might as well not believe in the OED, the Encyclopædia Britannica or Google. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the Chicago Reader offices on Monday morning to catch Cecil Adams, but even if you did not see Cecil Adams enter the building, what would that prove? Nobody sees Cecil Adams, but that is no sign that there is no Cecil Adams. The most real things in the world are those that have not been debunked by Cecil or Jan Harold Brunvand or Barbara Mikkelson . Did you ever see Zhou Enlai? Of course not, he used to live in China and he’s dead now, but that does not mean he was not real. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the masters there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the agoraphobic world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only cash, therapy, cash, perhaps threats, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, **Doc Nickel** , in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No Cecil Adams? Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, **Doc Nickel** , nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of students of knowledge. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cecil-adams-pit-thread/168505.md?page=3)