# The Charmin Bears have no nostrils **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2020, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251 "2020-04-07T04:07:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/1 "2020-04-07T04:07:23Z")
No wonder they believe their heinies are clean. Plus why are they advertising toilet paper now? Doesn’t that seem like a bit of a knife in the gut? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/2 "2020-04-07T04:12:55Z")
Unbearable. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/3 "2020-04-07T04:20:27Z")
Yeah, like bears actually use toilet paper. Everyone knows they use rabbits to wipe their ass. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/4 "2020-04-07T04:33:21Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Yeah, like bears actually use toilet paper. > > Everyone knows they use rabbits to wipe their ass. Everyone’s hoarding all the rabbits right now. ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/5 "2020-04-07T04:37:43Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Everyone’s hoarding all the rabbits right now. Limit one per household. You’re gonna have to rinse that thing off pretty good before re-use. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/6 "2020-04-07T04:38:17Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Everyone’s hoarding all the rabbits right now. That’s gotta be what’s happening. I haven’t been able to find rabbits at my local supermarket for weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/7 "2020-04-07T04:40:26Z")
> [@Simmerdown](#): > > Limit one per household. You’re gonna have to rinse that thing off pretty good before re-use. I’m not picking it up! You pick it up! ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/8 "2020-04-07T04:41:23Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > That’s gotta be what’s happening. I haven’t been able to find rabbits at my local supermarket for weeks. I switched to stoats. Their fur is nearly as soft, and they’re still in stock (and cheap!) ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/9 "2020-04-07T04:42:15Z")
I am outraged at the ads I am seeing on FB for the price gougers selling TP. I report every one of them damn ads. Fuck Zuckerberg ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/10 "2020-04-07T04:47:51Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I switched to stoats. Their fur is nearly as soft, and they’re still in stock (and cheap!) Where?! My local Costco is totally out of stoats. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/11 "2020-04-07T04:58:55Z")
> [@Simmerdown](#): > > Where?! My local Costco is totally out of stoats. Damn, now there’ll be a run on the Mariano’s in Westchester for stoats tomorrow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/12 "2020-04-07T05:04:22Z")
Try the badger. Plenty of those around. ---
**Author:** ![Simmerdown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simmerdown/32/14859_2.png) [@Simmerdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simmerdown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/13 "2020-04-07T05:11:11Z")
> [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > Try the badger. Plenty of those around. Might try a raccoon, but according to [this](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb//showthread.php?t=478377), they might be considered a luxury item. AND, perhaps, right up there with the bears. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/14 "2020-04-07T05:15:22Z")
No TP shortage at my house. Sure, I’m running out of $20 bills, but I got lots of hundreds. ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/15 "2020-04-07T05:15:47Z")
I’m quite happy to not see video adverts. Am I culturally deprived? Or depraved? But I digress. A bear deposited a fat juicy steaming pile on my front porch steps but didn’t leave a rabbit. Damn inconsiderate. Hey old dopers, recall the sad days of pay toilets? We need a coin-op door for the porch so we can collect from the next bear. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/16 "2020-04-07T05:48:59Z")
I’m going big. A Bidet Llama. They spit. So relaxing and cleaner. If Amazon would just deliver mine, I’ll be all set. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/17 "2020-04-07T06:23:02Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Yeah, like bears actually use toilet paper. > > Everyone knows they use rabbits to wipe their ass. Finally, the Question of The Ages has been answered. But the Pope’s hat is still pretty funny. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > Everyone’s hoarding all the rabbits right now. Teddy The Dog got one today. Managed to eat the top half before I could get it away from him. Looking forward to cleaning up puked bunny head in the morning. Dogs are nasty! ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/18 "2020-04-07T06:35:58Z")
I hate to break this to you all, but nostrils aren’t all those bears are missing. ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/19 "2020-04-07T06:54:32Z")
> [@Simmerdown](#): > > The Charmin Bears have no nostrils No nostrils! How do they smell …? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2020, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251/20 "2020-04-07T07:00:19Z")
> [@Banksiaman](#): > > No nostrils! How do they smell …? Pretty dammed terrible, if you ask me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-charmin-bears-have-no-nostrils/851251.md?page=2)