# The Cheesiest Song of All Time **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 18, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415 "2012-11-18T15:38:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/61 "2012-11-19T16:46:55Z")
I can’t get past the oozing cheeze in Demi Lovato’s _Skyscraper_. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/62 "2012-11-19T17:36:27Z")
It is tough to get cheesier than Bobby Goldsboro’s _Honey._ I mean, can there ever be a worse rhyme than “what the heck” with “hugged my neck”? But, I will throw in the [Ballad of Bilbo Baggins](http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CDMQtwIwAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DAGF5ROpjRAU&ei=722qULjMIrGQ0QHa5YHADg&usg=AFQjCNFBEzlxbVx7QhH_djA8q_mfqOqhqA), by none other than Leonard Nimoy, just for the fun of it. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/63 "2012-11-19T17:47:26Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > How could it be anything other than [The Safety Dance](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pOq4hyoX9g)? I kinda like this one, still, especially the cover by Fear Cult. But then, I still kinda like Brandy, too… ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/64 "2012-11-19T17:57:52Z")
[Clarence Carter’s Patches](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id7SK1ml6Uw). I hear there is another Patches by some blond or other but no one-- no one can out cheese this tale of a boy who had to walk to school uphill both ways on the stubs at the end of his legs; whose father died 2 years before he was born and his mom a year after his dad. Patches is so bad, it knocked out Run, Joey, Run as the most cheese-filled hokum on my i-Pod. Why yes, I own almost every song on this list. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/65 "2012-11-19T18:07:09Z")
I can’t check any of the unnamed links from work, but it doesn’t look like Achy Breaky Heart has been mentioned. Sure, pop country is pretty well known for having cheesy lyrics, but that song is over the top even for country. And, of course, and it’s only made worse by just how bad it is and how popular it was. Ugh… ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/66 "2012-11-19T18:07:41Z")
“Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” by none other than Captain Kirk, i.e., William Shatner. Followed by his versions of “Rocket Man” and “Taxi,” all available on YouTube. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/67 "2012-11-19T18:09:52Z")
> [@NitroPress](#): > > I kinda like this one, still, especially the cover by Fear Cult. > > But then, I still kinda like Brandy, too… I like quite a few of the songs that have been mentioned, cheesy or not. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/68 "2012-11-19T18:16:52Z")
Neandrathal Man by Hotlegs — the video doesn’t help [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiWu7Csn2HY) Indian Lake - Cowsills [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw7ubMgByYQ) Simon Says - 1910 Fruitgum Company [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/ksR0si3ZloY/hqdefault.jpg "1910 Fruitgum Company") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksR0si3ZloY) Actually a ton of what I loved back in the late 60s/early 70s pretty much sucked - but I was really really stoned for most of it. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/69 "2012-11-19T18:26:15Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you’d have heard [THIS](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_pX1-IxRBY) stinker > > _“Put the bone in, she begged him!”_ You maniac! You did it! You listened to this song. God DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/70 "2012-11-19T20:19:37Z")
_Red Rubber Ball_ by Cyrcle is a guilty pleasure of mine. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/71 "2012-11-19T21:43:34Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > _Red Rubber Ball_ by Cyrcle is a guilty pleasure of mine. Unnecessary nitpicks - it was The Cyrkle that recorded it (the song was co-written by Paul Simon), and it’s a fine pop song. I have the Diodes version. I love the description of the song on Wikipedia, which must be the most overintellectualized characterization of a pop tune ever: _“The song is sung from the perspective of a man who has recently exited an unfulfilling relationship in which his significant other never gave him much attention or affection. He now looks forward to the future with a positive attitude.”_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/72 "2012-11-19T22:47:43Z")
_"And she ran calling [Wiild-Fiiire…"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug8vrxMekAU)_ Although \*Patches \*and \*Honey \*are close behind. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/73 "2012-11-19T23:10:25Z")
What about those awful car-wreck songs from the '50s … Tell Laura I Love Her, Last Kiss? Seems like there were more. So craptastically maudlin! ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/74 "2012-11-19T23:11:15Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you’d have heard [THIS](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_pX1-IxRBY) stinker > > _“Put the bone in, she begged him!”_ If you play this link and scroll down just a scooch, there is a version of Kurt Cobain playing “Seasons in the Sun”. I kid you not. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2012, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/75 "2012-11-19T23:26:53Z")
I forgot about [“One Tin Soldier - The Legend of Billy Jack”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qswm7lHp7oY) ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/76 "2012-11-20T00:13:06Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > In honor of our cheese expert, here are > > …wo, wo, wo…[Feelings](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3BNRF9ICc) (cringeworthy even in parody) > > and > > “Silly Love Songs”. Oh, God, I had forgotten “Feelings.” I’m shocked no one has offered up anything by The Carpenters. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/77 "2012-11-20T00:14:10Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” by none other than Captain Kirk, i.e., William Shatner. Followed by his versions of “Rocket Man” and “Taxi,” all available on YouTube. Again, “cheesy” isn’t a synonym for “excruciatingly horrible, to the point of wanting to rip your eardrums out.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![DSYoungEsq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c6cbf5/32.png) [@DSYoungEsq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSYoungEsq)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/78 "2012-11-20T00:16:16Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > What about those awful car-wreck songs from the '50s … Tell Laura I Love Her, Last Kiss? Seems like there were more. So craptastically maudlin! Well, the original version of [“Last Kiss”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh4se9YMV3A) is not very maudlin at all. I’ve always thought its rather bouncy pace was quite interesting, given that it’s about being left behind while your first love dies. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/79 "2012-11-20T01:05:01Z")
“Giddy-Up Go, Daddy” by Red Sovine. Where do I collect my prize? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/80 "2012-11-20T01:46:47Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > This one is cheesier than a coronary bypass omelette: > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehToBz7zhqE](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehToBz7zhqE) Even better - [You’re Pitiful by Weird Al Yankovic.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R-elD0qRzE) 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415.md?page=5)