# The Cheesiest Song of All Time **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 18, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415 "2012-11-18T15:38:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/81 "2012-11-20T03:22:16Z")
Ode To Billy Joe Harper Valley PTA Ballad of the Green Berets And every single song ever sung by Harry Chapin - the all time king of cheesy songs. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/82 "2012-11-20T03:48:14Z")
Another vote for _Mandy_. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_A.Robrin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sam_a.robrin/32/14497_2.png) [@Sam\_A.Robrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_A.Robrin)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/83 "2012-11-20T04:16:31Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > [Clarence Carter’s Patches](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=id7SK1ml6Uw). I hear there is another Patches by some blond or other but no one-- no one can out cheese this tale … I was thinking it was by one of the Bobbys; turns out it was a Dickie… Here it is: I’ll let you make up your own mind. _Caveat auditor_. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/84 "2012-11-20T05:54:49Z")
> [@DSYoungEsq](#): > > Oh, God, I had forgotten “Feelings.” > > I’m shocked no one has offered up anything by The Carpenters. :eek: To be fair, we’ve only just begun. ---
**Author:** ![bahimes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@bahimes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bahimes)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/85 "2012-11-20T07:34:57Z")
Achy Breaky Heart? ---
**Author:** ![Moonchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Moonchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonchild)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/86 "2012-11-20T07:46:21Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > [Dear Mr. jesus](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlLGC4tAWCQ) WINNER! (Assisted by the Sims video, definitely.) That one makes “[Run, Joey, Run!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUVZsu36SW4),” [“Cat’s in the Cradle”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We1BVMmcr2A) (yeah, I replaced it with the Johnny Cash version) and [“Heartbeat, Its a Lovebeat”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gggcZvvZLeo&feature=related) sound like Eminem by comparison. Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald must now hand over its crown. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/87 "2012-11-20T08:40:59Z")
Jesus, Take the Wheel Crimson & Clover And anything by Foster The People. ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/88 "2012-11-20T11:24:09Z")
> [@DSYoungEsq](#): > > Oh, God, I had forgotten “Feelings.” > > I’m shocked no one has offered up anything by The Carpenters. :eek: Brother Carpenter was capable of some weapons-grade fromage, but Karen keeps me from picking on them too much. Such a beautiful voice. > [@BMalion](#): > > Well, you know what they say, > > Love Is Like Oxygen. Love is like Oxygen is cheesy? I vote AWESOME! https://www.youtube.com/embed/xa7BtkHuXdQ?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque You want cheesy, then you want some Bay-City-Rollers-esque Sweet. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/4FguJqN5VQw/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AG-AoAC8AGKAgwIABABGGUgZShKMA8=&rs=AOn4CLD0SFDQRvbMQLRdsGnEkb2FgTLJzQ "little willy lyrics~sweet") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FguJqN5VQw) A LOT of bubble-gum pop would qualify. The Archies - Sugar, Sugar https://www.youtube.com/embed/TSP0e5rXUl8?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque Vanity Fare - Hitchin’ a Ride https://www.youtube.com/embed/fgOslEt7f0k?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque Mouth & MacNeal - How Do You Do? [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/gBDNjuazoUY/hqdefault.jpg?sqp=-oaymwEmCOADEOgC8quKqQMa8AEB-AHWBIAC4AOKAgwIABABGHIgSCguMA8=&rs=AOn4CLDOqUEtzmne8zJw0GfkOXncvi7-WQ "Mouth & MacNeal - How Do You Do (1972)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBDNjuazoUY) But my vote goes to Tommy Seebach, for his jaw-dropping version of, “Apache”. Wow. https://www.youtube.com/embed/Burpv0ZM9gw?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque This is the list that never ends, it goes on and on and on. . . ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/89 "2012-11-20T14:57:28Z")
Hi, my name is Julie and I’m a cheez-lover. I don’t want to nominate anything for this thread because I think they’re all great, but I heard one the other day that was new to me and I think it should at least get an honorable mention. [Bumble Bee](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qhcyyv30Hug), by The Searchers Most excellent lyric: Shoo-wee, you hurt me like a bee A bumble bee, an _evil_ bumble bee! Cracked my shit right up. My son said it sounded like it was written by Kelso from That Seventies Show. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/90 "2012-11-20T15:18:07Z")
'Nuff said! [Bobby Bare "Dropkick Me Jesus" (Unedited Version) - YouTube](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsWg0bt9kp4)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chronokin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a183cd/32.png) [@Chronokin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronokin)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/91 "2012-11-20T15:24:11Z")
> [@voltaire](#): > > How could it be anything other than [The Safety Dance](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pOq4hyoX9g)? Wow! The video really explains the origins of this cheesy song – medieval village with ergot poisoning! ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/92 "2012-11-20T16:16:10Z")
I love the Everly Brothers, but this is just too much: [Ebony Eyes](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQOjxA8rrks) I especially like(?) the spoken passage. ---
**Author:** ![kath94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/67e7ee/32.png) [@kath94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kath94)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/93 "2012-11-20T22:06:07Z")
Aww, you guys are crapping all over my childhood memories. My older brother collected the old K-Tel compilation albums, and most of these show up on one or another. > [@pkbites](#): > > Cheesy, yes. But Terry Jacks topped it! Just flip the 45 over and you’d have heard [THIS](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_pX1-IxRBY) stinker > > _“Put the bone in, she begged him!”_ I remember sleeping over at a friend’s house, and late at night we got MAJOR teenage giggles listening to this song. Then, because the bone was PORK meat, we kept each other up all night replacing a word in well-known song titles with the word PORK. YesterPORK. Got To Get You Into My PORK. Yes, we were heavily into The Beatles at that time. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chronokin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a183cd/32.png) [@Chronokin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronokin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/94 "2012-11-21T17:57:16Z")
Maybe I’m just getting old and grumpy, but I find “Unchained Melody” to be unbearably cheesy. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/95 "2012-11-21T18:03:40Z")
Couple more: “Cherish” by The Association “Lady in Red” by Chris DeBurgh ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/96 "2012-11-21T21:22:36Z")
[![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZr0_ic1304) [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/kMXAMR28nq0/hqdefault.jpg "Donna Fargo - The Happiest Girl In the Whole USA") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMXAMR28nq0) Maybe not the cheesiest song of all time, but it’s gotta be one of the cheesiest performances ever: [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1cJ8QUZZPE) Ditto: [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqHRRAlhLs4) ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/97 "2012-11-21T21:37:57Z")
Would it be possible when posting YouTube links to give us some inkling of what it’s pointed at, especially if there are multiple links? Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/98 "2012-11-21T21:38:09Z")
In honor of Movember, ladies and gentlemen: [“I’d Really Love To See You Tonight”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxdsk-cFX-k) by England Dan and John Ford Coley. Because there’s nothing so romantic as having an ex call you up out of the blue and angle for no-strings-attached sex without ever getting to the point. Yeah, come on over and we’ll watch TV! The B side of this song should be “So What, Are You a Lesbian Now Or Something?” ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/99 "2012-11-21T21:39:48Z")
Loving you is easy 'cause you’re beautiful… ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415/100 "2012-11-21T21:50:53Z")
The overlap between this thread and [this old thread about the “seventies-est” song](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=557224) is spooky! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-cheesiest-song-of-all-time/641415.md?page=6)