# The comedy of Babelfish
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 7, 2000, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806 "2000-05-07T04:22:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Bobort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobort)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/1 "2000-05-07T04:22:59Z")
Somewhere in the world there needs to be a repository for [babelfish](http://babelfish.altavista.digital.com)’s funniest mistranslations, and it might as well be here.
If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, here’s what you do: type something into the babelfish translation engine and translate it into some other language. Copy the result back in and translate it back to english. Lather, rinse, repeat. Idiomatic phrases often work best, but it can make amusing hash of just about anything.
Here’s my best effort so far (Ripper’s famous rant from Dr. Strangelove):
> [@](#):
>
> I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
After repeated retranslation, we have
> [@](#):
>
> or the center below more after that that more of the one than the potentiometer not and during much communist hour and infiltration not, subversion international communist Communist of conspiracy report/ratio, communist of the juice and and not not impurify all our liquid physicist nonappreciable of the circumstance.
Come on, I’m sure you can do better 😉
Here are some characteristics of what I consider to be a good translation
[ul][li]reasonably intelligible[/li][li]unintentionally humorous (extra points for innuendo) (I think “liquid physicist” is pretty funny)[/li][li]bizarre translations of common words (e.g. “potentiometer” above)[/li][li]the introduction of excess verbiage with no apparent cause (e.g. “nonappreciable of the circumstance”)[/ul][/li]
Note: occasionally, it will fail to translate some words back into english (for whatever unfathomable reason). I do **not** consider it cheating to help it along a little by manually translating such words. It’s usually pretty easy to figure out what they’re supposed to be from context.
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### Author:  [@Kilgore\_Trout\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilgore_Trout_1)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/2 "2000-05-07T04:46:38Z")
**The Straight Dope** passed through the french cleaning cycle a few times comes out as **Rectify doping the agent**.
hmmm…
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### Author:  [@RoboDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RoboDude)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/3 "2000-05-07T05:19:29Z")
I entered “Organ transplants are best left to the professionals”, something Bart Simpson once wrote on the chalkboard. After going through Portugese, German and then Italian, I wound up with "The transplants of the agency they calmly improve the experts "
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### Author:  [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/4 "2000-05-07T05:33:35Z")
Would this count? It’s the opening to Phantom Menace (which I still haven’t seen) translated back and forth twice from German.
The only intervention I made was separating a few German compound words (Babelfish has no difficulty translating “Deathstar” to “Todestern” because of the way English and German are structured. However, since German compound words often have a different nuance than their raw elements (‘Todestern’ isn’t specifically in Babelfish’s dictionary) It doesn’t reverse as gracefully. I divided it back into “Tode stern” before translating back. Ditto with Schlecthand – bad or evil hand?
I must admit that, as a HS frosh, viewing the original Star Wars, I’d have been amused by to know they’d be “fastening the feeler gages” of an “evil hand” on various “hidden lower surfaces” when Leia ran on board the starship
> [@](#):
>
> It is one period of the civil war. Rebellious the spaceships, fastening a hidden lower surface, won their first victory against the false galactic Realm.
>
> During rebellious the feeler gages of the bad hand had secret plans for the crucial weapon of the Realm, death asterisk for stealing an armored space station with sufficient energy, in order to destroy an entire planet.
>
> Trained by sinister representatives of the Realm, house of the princess Leia runs on board their starship, attendants of the stolen plans, which can protect their people and repair liberty to the galaxy…
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### Author:  [@Kilgore\_Trout\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilgore_Trout_1)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/5 "2000-05-07T05:37:00Z")
That is **not** the beginning to **The Phanton Menace** , no matter what language you translate it to.
looks like Episode IV to me.
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### Author:  [@Kilgore\_Trout\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilgore_Trout_1)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/6 "2000-05-07T05:38:43Z")
it’s not The Phanto **m** Menace, either.
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### Author:  [@junebeetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/junebeetle)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/7 "2000-05-07T05:43:46Z")
From the Gettysburg Address:
“Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”
After English-\>French-\>English-\>German-\>English:
“Fourscore and are there seven years our fathers, who are gotten on this continent a new nation, in which liberty is understood and request it is dedicated to which that all same men are manufactured.”
-JB
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### Author:  [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/8 "2000-05-07T06:05:35Z")
Using English-\>Portuguese-\>English-\>Italian-\>English, this:
> [@](#):
>
> We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
became
> [@](#):
>
> people of the United States, the extremity for giving the shape to a more perfect union, establishing the justice, to hold the domestic servant of tranquility, to assure the common defense, we it promuoviamo (promote?) General of well-being and repair the blessings of the freedom within and of ours posterity, we render it the ordain and we establish it this constitution for the United states.
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### Author:  [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/9 "2000-05-07T07:31:53Z")
Neil Armstrong’s flubbed line from the Apollo moon landing:
“That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”
It went through French, German and Portuguese to give back:
"It is a small period of training for human beings, an enormous branch office for the humanity "
I dunno, sounds kinda funny
(It was written as “That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind”, but I’m sure everybody already knew that, given that you are all experiencd dopers!)
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### Author:  [@Bobort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobort)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/10 "2000-05-07T08:03:59Z")
Here’s another. This used to be a palindrome…
> [@](#):
>
> A man, a program, a cat, the prosciutto, the yak, yam of China uproots, a spine of the water-drainage of water, consultings – it which it perforates the water-drainage of the water of the spine of the water-drainage of the protection of the water of the protective protection of the cap of Panama!
This one deserves some explanation. Originally, the only word after the “–” was Panama. Going to Italian and back turns this into “Panama hat.” To French and back, and “hat” becomes “cap.” To Portugese and back and “cap” becomes “drain plug.” Between German and Spanish you get this wierd stuff about water drainage and protective caps.
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### Author:  [@Cabbage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabbage)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/11 "2000-05-07T08:21:00Z")
The 23rd Psalm:
You is a shepherd of mine; I will not want. It maketh I to meet for bottom in green grass: it leadeth I at the side of real water. It restoreth my heart: it leadeth I in the passages of the righteousness for the cause of its name. Yea, nevertheless I walk by the valley of the nuance of death, I will not fear any evil: for art He thou it with me; the rod thy and equips with employees thy relieve me. Thou the preparest evaluates before me in the enemies of presence the mine: my head with the oil anointest thou more; runneth of mine of the cup in function. Certainly quality and the grace will follow me of my life each day: and I will live for always in the house of the MISTER.
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### Author:  [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/12 "2000-05-07T16:41:39Z")
And here is the Hail Mary, translated successively into Portuguese, Spanish, and Italian:
They have hailed Maria, plethora of tolerance, you are with the thee. He has Benedict of the art between the thou of the women and thy Benedict is the fruit of the table, Jesus. Saint Maria, arsenal the God, hour demanded for we sinners and on the hour of of our dead women.
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### Author:  [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/13 "2000-05-07T16:51:47Z")
I took lyrics from The Moody Blues:
_I’m looking at myself reflections of my mind,
It’s just the kind of day to leave myself behind.
So gently swaying through the fairyland of love,
If you’ll just come with me you’ll see the beauty of Tuesday afternoon_
came out as
_I regard myself reflections of my understanding, it am the even type of the daily for after leaving. So easily, influencing by fairyland to the love, if you come even with me, see the beauty of the Tuesday afternoon_
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### Author:  [@mega\_the\_roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mega_the_roo)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/14 "2000-05-07T17:53:33Z")
Wow. I changed the beginning of Matthew Arnold’s “The Buried Life” and despite very slight modifications that usually fixed themselves, it didn’t change **anything**.
So instead, I give you the (very lame) Cogito - “I think therefore I a.m.”
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/15 "2000-05-07T18:12:49Z")
The Armstrong/Lunar quote-- English\>German\>English is
“That is a small job step for a man; an enormous branch for mankind.”
Ouch! 😛
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### Author:  [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/16 "2000-05-07T18:21:44Z")
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
As I said, I’ve never seen Phantom hope, I just cut’n’paste it from some web page without really looking at the text.
My penance: a _single_ trip to German and back turns the opening of [“The Day The Music Died”](FAQ: The Annotated "American Pie) into a drunken rescension of “The Dancing Wu Li Masters” (a quantum physics text, of sorts) as told by any number of authors from Herman Melville on…
"A long, long time ago…
I can still remember how
That music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make those people dance,
And maybe they’d be happy for a while.
> [@](#):
>
> Before a long, long time… I can remind calmly me of, like, this music used me smile to educate. And possibly I knew, if I mean probability had, that, I could let which dance those people, and it for one while would be lucky.
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/17 "2000-05-07T19:27:34Z")
My husband has family in Germany, and iwth the advent of Babelfish and the like, I can actually mail over letters and pictures with a basic message on it, rather than the usual, “Love, Joan.” .
We’ve just started doing emails back and forth and the translation on my end is absolutely hysterical. I can only imagine what they are thinking over there when they run it through babelfish. Here is an example from my husbands cousins Uwe and Tine:
In English:
Hello hello thank you for the calling. We were even 2 minute from the entry door. Here is also everything okay. Since February 2000 I operate 30 Std ( Std means hours). in the week with Uwe in the company and 7 Std. in the week still in another company. Uwe is always on the way. Today he had to operate after Sylt (city) to. Its new auto has already many kilometers behind itself. I believe it come. ( This is the funny part)\* Yes, I must make fast meals now, otherwise he is me up and I tastes not so well my meat is already 35 years old.\* (Reality translation: I have to make fast meals now and its not so easy now that I’m 35 years old…or something like that.) I require beautiful Ostertage (Easter) to you. Greetings ask all of us. We think of you. Greeting Tine & Uwe.
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### Author:  [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/18 "2000-05-07T19:30:32Z")
After being run through French, German, Italian and Spanish translations, the preamble to the U.S. Constitution becomes:
> [@](#):
>
> In order to produce the people of the United States to form for one more a justice more perfect than the connection to the natural one of the tranquillity to the guarantee, to the general defense to mean, the general well-being to use and the advantages of the freedom and with our discreet processes of the type of event to regulate, we have gone away to the form and to produce them ordain the east term for the states of America.
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/19 "2000-05-07T19:34:34Z")
I just did English to German for the first two lines of the Miranda law:
You have the right to remain silent.
Becomes: **They have the right to remain quiet. Everything, which you say,can be stopped against you in a court.**
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### Author:  [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)
#### Post date: [May 7, 2000, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-comedy-of-babelfish/18806/20 "2000-05-07T20:31:07Z")
I’m a Yankee Doodle dandy, a Yankee Doodle do or die.
A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam, born on the fourth of July.
I have a Yankee Doodle sweetheart, she’s my Yankee Doodle joy.
Yankee Doodle went to London just to ride a pony, I am a Yankee Doodle boy!
English-French-English-German-English-Italian-English-Portuguese-English-Spanish-English:
> [@](#):
>
> They are elegant a Doodle Yankee system, I give to the form to a Doodle Yankee system or amount. An applicable grandson of the phase of my uncle SAM, constantly in the quarter of July. I have in the lover with Yankee system Doodle, my joy in Doodle Yankee system. Doodle Yankee system had to assemble a colt to the right of London is a boy of Doodle Yankee system!
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