# The Complete Works of Shakespeare in One Spam E-Mail **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 2, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823 "2006-11-02T03:02:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/1 "2006-11-02T03:02:43Z")
The literary spammers have been at it again. Behold, kind Dopers, the Cliff’s Notes of Shakespeare presented below: > [@](#): > > The opportunity I gave him of making himself popular among my professions of true faith to her, he left her as he said to Oberon and his Titania being now perfectly reconciled, he related to her speak as move, concealed meaning of kindness under the uncivil words she uttered, and ancient house. Oliver proved an unworthy brother and disregarding his beloved Rosalind, but that he had none of the dignified deportment. Be they of much import said the duke, with a calm resignation replied, that he had but little to say, for faithful friend to Posthumus and after telling him what proof he hadBut great events were happening at this time, of which Imogen knew of Albany, Regan, wife to the duke of Cornwall and Cordelia, a young to him that such kings are the peculiar care of Heaven, and their looked towards Birnam, and to his thinking the wood began to move! > > Helena still kept her eyes fixt upon the letter, and cried out in anthrowing the pillows and bedclothes about the room, so that she was been in the same danger that his father was, but by good fortune wife about the story she told of her husband’s madness, and she said, brother’s life. But Angelo said, Maiden, there is no remedy your living and he said to Isabel, Give me your hand, Isabel for yourhim. He seemed to take it in very good part, yet he wondered how it. Not that Timon’s wealth all went to enrich these wicked flatterers than this good friar, who was a friend to both the families, and had counsels of the friar, and took his leave to go and seek his lady,delivered to his father in the event of his death which made good the exclaiming with her last breath that she was poisoned. Hamlet, place of lieutenant from him of kings’ daughters, if one proved sole victor over all the rest, it westerly that blows Southwest, replied Leoline. When I was born the hair of Ulysses, yet knew it not, and he chid the ram for being. Then great Circe spake, and gave order, that there should be no more manhood on your return, and he shall greet his father with befitting hatches, for fear of seeing her, where he and they must have died. And Nausicaa brought from her chamber all her vestments, and laid them gallant ship with all her canvas spread, bounding and curvetting over nimble servingman, he could fetch wood he said or build a fire, for in the likeness of poor pilgrims the s have many times. Hail! father stranger! my brows have sweat to see the injuries which present to each of you of your own biographical conversations last and sheep and young lambs were feeding in them. I jumped, and clapped herself, if she were well enough to see you, would not know the should so faithfully keep this secret for an unworthy woman, whoas to be married to him, and that she was to live with us, and be my delirious, which I believe I was for I tried to explain the reason of courageous I could be burnt too, and I would put my hands upon the that the fine music which we sometimes heard in the air, came from a consumption, of which she lingered about a twelvemonth, and then Now, wasn’t that useful? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/2 "2006-11-02T03:09:25Z")
[QUOTE=Polycarp] Now, wasn’t that useful? 🆒 [/QUOTE] I guess so, if it got thru your spam filters. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/3 "2006-11-02T03:20:05Z")
I got one forwarded to me the other day by a professor who was complaining about the racial slurs in the spam mail. As I read it, I did notice several sentences beginning withe “The Jew said” “The Jew did this.” Then, a little further down, I spotted the name “Bill Sykes.” Yes, it was quoting from **Oliver Twist**. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/4 "2006-11-02T03:59:59Z")
And then what? Then what?! I have to know! ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/5 "2006-11-02T04:12:30Z")
[QUOTE=asterion] And then what? Then what?! I have to know! [/QUOTE] They all lived happily ever after, or they all died. Depends on which play they end it on. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/6 "2006-11-02T04:27:46Z")
There are _literary_ spammers? :dubious: Say what you will, they are at least classier than the ones spamming me about how to make my girlfriend moan in ecstacy. Hm. Who sends out spam about Shakespeare? Sounds like something from a Thursday Next novel. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/7 "2006-11-02T04:33:36Z")
It’s a strategy to get around the Bayesian filters. It’s almost like English and it’s enough to make it through the filter. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/8 "2006-11-02T04:36:21Z")
[QUOTE=asterion] It’s a strategy to get around the Bayesian filters. It’s almost like English and it’s enough to make it through the filter. [/QUOTE] But what is its purpose? To flood our inboxes with iambic pentameter? ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/9 "2006-11-02T04:38:11Z")
Literary spam is nice and all, but I prefer the ones that would make a rambling paranoid schizophrenic on 500 micrograms of LSD seem as lucid as a bored bank teller. In a way, they can be strangely poetic. I got this one last week: > [@](#): > > A revered polar bear. > > A revered polar bear A submarine is South American. Any vacuum cleaner can organize a rude cloud formation, but it takes a real tornado to bury the pompous polar bear. Now and then, an almost tattered movie theater pours freezing cold water on a satellite beyond some vacuum cleaner. Indeed, a briar patch takes a peek at the hairy squid. > > The chess board about the defendant > > Furthermore, the crank case flies into a rage, and the grand piano sanitizes a paternal bullfrog. When another annoying steam engine ruminates, a tornado of a scythe ceases to exist. The hole puncher related to an inferiority complex borrows money from a molten hole puncher, but a grizzly bear graduates from the cosmopolitan tabloid. A fruit cake around another chestnut meditates, and a pork chop panics; however, a line dancer from the crank case finds subtle faults with an ocean. If a girl scout graduates from the pickup truck, then some mysterious cargo bay gets stinking drunk. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/10 "2006-11-02T04:39:21Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] There are _literary_ spammers? :dubious: Say what you will, they are at least classier than the ones spamming me about how to make my girlfriend moan in ecstacy. Hm. Who sends out spam about Shakespeare? Sounds like something from a Thursday Next novel. [/QUOTE] There is a devious method to their madness. They hope the filters, which are straining hard to distinguish between normal or permitted text and spammy ads, will be fooled by the large quantity of Shakespeare (which is just padding) and will pass the spam (how to make your GF moan) thru to your mailbox. If you ignore the stuff from Will but read the stuff about le sex, mission accomplished. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/11 "2006-11-02T04:43:29Z")
[QUOTE=HazelNutCoffee] But what is its purpose? To flood our inboxes with iambic pentameter? [/QUOTE] Besides the example I just gave, some of the emails are test posts to see what gets accepted and what gets rejected. This will help the spammers to send, in the next batch, more of the kind that gets through and to the places that don’t reject it. It’s pretty much a cat&mouse game; the filters get better, then the spammers adjust and try to avoid the new obstacles. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/12 "2006-11-02T04:46:44Z")
Ohhh, okay. I thought the email started and ended with Shakespearean gibberish. Maybe I could write my thesis on reinterpretations of Shakespeare in the world of spam. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2006, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-complete-works-of-shakespeare-in-one-spam-e-mail/378823/13 "2006-11-02T05:16:03Z")
I have long wanted to go to an open mic poetry reading and read something like the one **neutron star** posted. If people didn’t know it was spam (and probably even if they did) it’d be a hit, if it was read with interesting inflection and energy. I have thought this ever since I saw these types of messages on newsgroups five years ago.