# The courtship and wedding YOU WILL NEVER HAVE, dammit **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290 "2014-09-02T20:10:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/1 "2014-09-02T20:10:09Z")
I got a good laugh from this: [Things That Will Never Happen to You, From the NY Times 'Vows' Column](http://jezebel.com/things-that-will-never-happen-to-you-from-the-ny-times-1458295719) ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/2 "2014-09-02T20:18:38Z")
The comments are absolutely the best part. > [@from the comments](#): > > Right? I just…I read the whole thing and I thought, “Wow, these people exist! They’re out there! They are putting this piece out into the world without any apparent trace of irony.” And then I sat for awhile by myself in the dark and tried not to weep hot salty tears because cartoon birds will never braid my hair the way they clearly do for these folks. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/3 "2014-09-02T20:21:46Z")
… What does speaking four languages have to do with being loved? Should **JoseB** or **Johanna** give up on love forever? Will learning a new language send **even sven** ’s marriage into a spiral of destruction? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![TheSeaOtter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed655f/32.png) [@TheSeaOtter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSeaOtter)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/4 "2014-09-02T20:34:01Z")
The 'list that gradually devolves into thought fragments" is a bit old-hat, but an enjoyable read none-the-less. I give it four strangely misshapen wedding cake ornaments out of five. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/5 "2014-09-03T04:03:20Z")
Cartoon birds braid my hair only when I threaten to eat their eggs. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/6 "2014-09-03T16:40:07Z")
Well, I only speak 2.5 languages. Does that mean I at least get a couple of dates and maybe a canoe trip? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/7 "2014-09-03T16:59:33Z")
…dear old Dubrovnik… ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/8 "2014-09-03T17:02:56Z")
Can’t hold a candle to Blawnox in the rainy season. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2014, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/9 "2014-09-03T18:08:56Z")
Okay, this made me get on [weddings.com](http://weddings.com) and look for their registry. Does anyone want to go in on the $499.95 Painted Backyard Beehive Starter Kit? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-courtship-and-wedding-you-will-never-have-dammit/697290/10 "2014-09-04T15:22:52Z")
Sure. Put me down for a buck.