# The craziest conspiracy theory I've ever heard (the USPS did 9/11 with magnetic C4!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173 "2008-07-20T19:11:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/1 "2008-07-20T19:11:04Z")
[The United States Postal Service committed the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks using C4 that magnetically pulled down steel that acts like plastic.](http://screwloosechange.blogspot.com/2008/07/craziest-theory-yet.html) But first, an introduction: > [@](#): > > “My name is David hyphen Wynn full colon Miller,” > [snip] > “The reason I use a full colon and a hyphen in my name, the first full colon, which is full colon David, it means for the David hyphen Wynn. That’s my given name, and it’s also a noun, because it uses a prepositional phrase. … Because I use prepositional phrases, through punctuation, which is classified as hieroglyphics, which makes me a life, l-i-f-e. Now, when you don’t punctuate your name… David is an adjective, Wynn is an adjective, Miller is a pronoun. Two adjectives are a condition of modification, opinion, presumption, which modifies the pronoun, pro means no on noun. So therefore, I’m not a fact. I’m a fiction.” Chew on that for a while. Let it sink down into the bone. Because there’s more to come: > [@](#): > > When the Sept. 11 attacks occurred, the Center towers collapsed in six seconds, Miller says, not the 12 seconds it would have taken normal matter. Plus, all the concrete turned to dust. Having discovered the “mathematical interface that all steel is plastic” some years back, Miller understands perfectly what “the physics of plastic” is trying to tell him: A magnetic pulse brought down the towers. Note that scalar weapons (1920s-style death rays) are _already_ a notable part of some conspiracy theories. This is different: Nobody, to my knowledge, even the ones who think burning jet fuel cannot melt steel, believes steel is actually plastic. > [@](#): > > What creates a magnetic pulse? C-4 plastic explosive. Who has C-4? The military. Who controls the military? The post office. At this point I lost it laughing. Cliff Clavin has problems, but… OK, I have to make it through this post. > [@](#): > > And there you have it. Postal authorities sneaked into the towers, replacing all chairs, tables and file cabinets with plastic furniture. Explosive plastic furniture. The steel in the building … well, that was plastic steel, and it was utterly destroyed by the C-4, which is only capable of destroying other plastic “polymers.” Mr. Bill is right to fear C4. I don’t think even Mr. Bill fears the wrath of the Post Office. > [@](#): > > “That’s what gave us certification that it was an inside job,” Miller explains. Certification… that’s precisely what this guy needs. He’s certainly certifiable. > [@](#): > > At the moment of collapse, $12 trillion was transferred electronically from the basement of the trade center to Singapore. “The World Trade Center was a bank robbery,” Miller reveals, “very cleverly engineered.” Again, I don’t know of anyone else who believes this. Even the people who think 9/11 was all about making a pipe through Afghanistan don’t quite believe it was an _outright_ bank robbery. Now, watch closely. This is from the same dude: > [@](#): > > GRAVITY WAS REMOVED from the equation using EM technology, which has been tested, AND has been Congress approved!!! > Technology,… which does not belong to a person sitting in a cave in Afghanistan. This is from someone else, still a 9/11 conspiracy theorist but not quite as nuts: > [@](#): > > Well if gravity was removed from the equation, then how come the towers fell down? Even the Truthers have trouble buying this shit. But not to worry! Punctuation-man has a logical rebuttal: > [@](#): > > It really amazes me that most people on this planet cannot fathom the english language. > Don’t you realise that gravity also holds things UP as well as bring things down…didn’t pass physics at school huh? Ayup. Basic physics if your ass is made out of exotic matter. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/2 "2008-07-20T19:23:01Z")
Theory … made … brain … break … 😕 Alternately, I’ll have what he’s having. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/3 "2008-07-20T19:29:12Z")
Huh-huh… “Full colon”… huh-huh. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/4 "2008-07-20T19:29:27Z")
Having worked as a consultant at USPS HQ before, during, and after 9/11, I have to say that while it’s obvious this guy is crazy and ill-informed, asserting that USPS was behind it is at least 50000X more crazy and ill-informed than the rest of his spewings, and that’s a conservative estimate. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/5 "2008-07-20T19:37:00Z")
I bow to the nuttiness that is David hyphen Wynn full colon Miller. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/6 "2008-07-20T19:40:05Z")
Here’s my favorite theory: [9/11 Never Happened!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxRvExqN7_E) ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/7 "2008-07-20T20:13:23Z")
Singapore? Singapore…?? Whatever gives him the idea? Must be _Batman Begins_. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/8 "2008-07-20T20:20:07Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] Having worked as a consultant at USPS HQ before, during, and after 9/11, I have to say that while it’s obvious this guy is crazy and ill-informed, asserting that USPS was behind it is at least 50000X more crazy and ill-informed than the rest of his spewings, and that’s a conservative estimate. [/QUOTE] Right. His creative interpretation of gravity, his confusion of plastic with steel, and his magnetic C4 are all minor compared to his belief that the USPS could plan and carry out a successful terrorist attack. The bank robbery elements just add the final twist to the turd: Why would the USPS need to steal when it already has one of the most plum government-sanctioned monopolies ever? It’s like creating an elaborate ruse involving juggling midgets, a fake SWAT team, and John Brown’s body\* to steal _two_ pennies from the Take-a-Penny tray _without leaving one_. \*(Which has been freeze-dried on Mars. An actor was left moldering in the grave.) ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/9 "2008-07-20T20:23:23Z")
C4 can only destroy plastics? I’M IMMUNE TO C4! Also, steel behave plastically when stressed passed it’s yield strength, but I’m pretty sure that’s not what he was talking about. Mostly because he’s a nutbag. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/10 "2008-07-20T20:35:18Z")
I was going to say this is sad because the guy seems mentally ill, but “Who controls the military? The post office.” is fall-down funny. ---
**Author:** ![Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alive_At_Both_Ends)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/11 "2008-07-20T20:50:03Z")
[QUOTE=Marley23] I was going to say this is sad because the guy seems mentally ill, but “Who controls the military? The post office.” is fall-down funny. [/QUOTE] And it’s the way he phrases it - as if it’s a fact that’s so well known that it doesn’t even need justifying. Weird. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/12 "2008-07-20T20:50:56Z")
[QUOTE=An Arky] Having worked as a consultant at USPS HQ before, during, and after 9/11, I have to say that while it’s obvious this guy is crazy and ill-informed, asserting that USPS was behind it is at least 50000X more crazy and ill-informed than the rest of his spewings, and that’s a conservative estimate. [/QUOTE] Thats what you want us to think…traitor. ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/13 "2008-07-20T21:31:00Z")
The guy has his own website: [http://dwmlc.com/](http://dwmlc.com/). If someone can translate Wackjob into English, I’d really like to know what he’s saying. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/14 "2008-07-20T21:42:37Z")
[QUOTE=KGS] Here’s my favorite theory: [9/11 Never Happened!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxRvExqN7_E) [/QUOTE] Holy mother of shit. Check out the comments on that video. Warning: Head explosions may ensue. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/15 "2008-07-20T22:16:43Z")
Wait a sec - isn’t steel a plastic material? That is, it will deform under many conditions of stress, or exhibit [plasticity](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plasticity_%28physics%29). It’s not made from those polymers known collectively as plastics, but it is plastic. So nut job is right about steel being plastic. Just not the way he means. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/16 "2008-07-20T22:38:28Z")
Every time you look at David-Wynn:Miller, there is more crazy. He’s also a tax protester/‘patriot’ and, boy, [a whole lot more](http://web.archive.org/web/20040624102620/http://www.madison.com/captimes/news/stories/66472.php): > [@](#): > > The language the [patriot] group uses is incomprehensible to most. It includes spoken punctuation, overuses prepositions and has references to maritime law. Its founder, David Wynn Miller of Milwaukee, **who also claims to be the King of Hawaii** , says the language is based on mathematics. Miller was in court for Gould’s hearing Friday. Russell Gould is the poor sap who got taken in by Miller’s rantings. He filed bogus lawsuits against local officials and police and, when brought to trial, acted every inch the kind of person who’d take David-Wynn:Miller seriously. How he could is a matter for people more highly trained than me, but perhaps [this will help](http://www.madison.com/archives/read.php?ref=/wsj/2004/05/27/0405260508.php): > [@](#): > > Gould, of Arapahoe, Wyo., was charged last year, along with Janice K. Logan, 47, of Chatham, Ill., and Jason Zellmer, 24, of Oconomowoc, with serving documents that purported to be summonses to the “Di-Strict Court of the Unity-States of Our World” to Circuit Judge Moria Krueger, Assistant District Attorney Lana Mades, Clerk of Court Judith Coleman and three Madison police officers. There’s a whole group or sub-group of mental illnesses that involves mutilating language. I see it way too often on the Internet for it to be a coincidence. **OtakuLoki** : We can cherry-pick sense out of this crap just like we can pick patterns out of clouds. It says more about us than it does about Miller. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/17 "2008-07-20T22:44:00Z")
[QUOTE=FairyChatMom] Alternately, I’ll have what he’s having. [/QUOTE] You probably don’t want that, FCM. I’ve drunk better homemade alcohol than whatever this guy’s on. (Admittedly, it was my own homemade alcohol. But still…) ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/18 "2008-07-20T23:26:16Z")
I know this is way too far down the rabbit hole to even bothering debating, but one thing that really kills me is that the towers collapsed in something like 18-21 seconds. It’s not debatable. It’s on video and seismic records agree. The fact that conspiracy nuts keep making up numbers that are lower blows me away. The fact that people believe them is almost beyond comprehension. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/19 "2008-07-20T23:34:55Z")
[QUOTE=Punoqllads] The guy has his own website: [http://dwmlc.com/](http://dwmlc.com/). If someone can translate Wackjob into English, I’d really like to know what he’s saying. [/QUOTE] His website reads like most of the Spam I get. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2008, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173/20 "2008-07-20T23:39:00Z")
[QUOTE=drachillix] Thats what you want us to think…traitor. [/QUOTE] Yeah…and I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids in their Mystery Machine! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-craziest-conspiracy-theory-ive-ever-heard-the-usps-did-9-11-with-magnetic-c4/457173.md?page=2)