# The crazy things you find in condom instructions... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902 "2001-03-29T00:19:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/1 "2001-03-29T00:19:59Z")
OK, so I bought a box of condoms the other day, which is a rare thing as I usually get my supply from the local AIDS awareness groups for free, but I was, um, kind of in a bind at the time… 😉 Anywho, there was an insert about usage and special messages about Nonoxynol-9 and such, and I found these gems: > [@](#): > > Although no prophylactic or contraceptive can guarantee 100% effectiveness, if used properly, latex condoms will help to reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection (AIDS) and many other sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia, genital herpes, genital warts, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, and syphilis. In addition, latex condoms will help reduce the risk of pregnancy without the serious side effects sometimes associated with some other methods. However, their use cannot totally elmininate the risk of acquiring these diseases. I didn’t realize pregnancy was a disease! 😃 And these were some of the directions of use, in order and quoted exactly: [quote] [list][li]After ejaculation, carefully withdraw the penis while it is still erect. Hold onto the rim of the condom as you withdraw so that the condom does not slip off.[/li][li]Store condoms in a cool, dry place.[/li][/quote] I’m starting to run out of cool, dry places to store my used condoms! 😃 These just french tickled my fancy… 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/2 "2001-03-29T01:45:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*OK, so I bought a box of condoms the other day, which is a rare thing as I usually get my supply from the local AIDS awareness groups for free, but I was, um, kind of in a bind at the time… 😉 > \*\* I’m afraid the rest of the post kind of eluded me… I got stuck on this mental image of Esprix, in a drugstore, buying condoms in full bondage gear… Sigh… ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/3 "2001-03-29T02:30:14Z")
[snotty bitchy mode] Pregnancy is treated like a disease by a lot of physicians, trying to get rid of symptoms and control the process to a ‘norm’. _heaves a pained sigh_ It isn’t a disease, its a natural process and should be left alone unless something is actually wrong. [/snotty bitchy mode] Sorry, issue close to my heart. Other than that, the image of Esprix in bondage gear is quite entertaining. Ohhh! cool, dry places to store condoms…Altoid tins! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/4 "2001-03-29T04:12:36Z")
[Traveling Wilburys] And when you checked the manual You kept inside the case It said, “Put it in a cool, dry place.” [/Traveling Wilburys] Of course, Mr. Petty was talking about musical instruments, not condoms, but that won’t stop this song from being in my head for the next couple days. 😃 Interestingly, Tom has the same problem. He spends the whole song looking for a cool, dry place to store all his instruments. ---
**Author:** ![Narile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@Narile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Narile)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/5 "2001-03-29T04:19:19Z")
Didn’tyou know, Esprix? Life is a sexually transmitted diseases that is 100% fatal. ---
**Author:** ![rq120](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@rq120](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rq120)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/6 "2001-03-29T05:11:54Z")
Well I read the other day that you should keep condoms in a cool dry place because heat weakens the latex and you shouldn’t keep them in your wallet because of your body heat. But a lot of guys do. Who knows?? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/7 "2001-03-29T07:39:16Z")
A lot of guys are really fuck’n dumb… ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/8 "2001-03-29T07:50:24Z")
Um, the joke was that that particular direction came _after_ they told you to take off the condom. :rolleyes: But, yes, keeping them in your wallet is a bad idea. Do like the hookers do and keep them in your mouth in case you need to go down on someone at a moment’s notice. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![DippityDoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@DippityDoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DippityDoo)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/9 "2001-03-29T07:55:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\* > Do like the hookers do and keep them in your mouth in case you need to go down on someone at a moment’s notice. > \*\* I’sa be damned if’n that ain’t the funniest things I’ve ever heard! Minds if’n I make that inta my sig? ---
**Author:** ![rq120](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@rq120](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rq120)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2001, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crazy-things-you-find-in-condom-instructions/59902/10 "2001-03-29T20:10:26Z")
There was a father and his little boy that went into a local drug store to pick up a prescription. While in the store the little boy was looking around and came upon a rather large display for condoms. The little boy looked at all the brightly colored packages and the different types and the different quantities. The little boy went to his father and asked “Daddy, what are these condoms for?” The father, stuttered, and said, “Well, they are for protection from diseases when a man and a woman make love.” The little boy contemplated the concept for a few moments and then asked, “Then why do these come in a package of three?” The father coyly answered, “Those are for young men in high school. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon.” “Uh-Huh,” said the little boy, “then why are these in packages of six?” The father smirked, “Those are for young men in college. There are two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday afternoon.” “Wow,” said the little boy in amazement. He then asked, “Well, then why are these packaged a dozen at a time?” The father answered, “Those, my son, are for married men. One for January, one for February…”