# The crying of a baby in public is more frustrating because it doesn't know better **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 28, 2016, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890 "2016-05-28T14:43:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/21 "2016-05-29T05:42:36Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I disagree. I think the crying of a baby is frustrating because nature made that sound grate upon our ears so we would be stirred to action by it. It is hard for all of us to override the DNA coded urge to ‘respond!’, whenever, wherever we hear it. It’s IS near impossible to ignore, and for good reason I should think. > > Intellectually acknowledging that it would be inappropriate to respond since it is not our child, doesn’t help a bit to keep it from grating on us and setting out nerves on edge. My DNA-coded response is simply to AVOID the crying brat, by putting as much distance between myself and the biological alert siren as possible, best case scenario is being able to leave the area entirely. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/22 "2016-05-29T06:42:49Z")
I have three kids and the youngest is still at an age that involves crying. If I can remove the kid from the situation we will. We had to leave the last movie we went to see about a quarter of the way through because the youngest wouldn’t stop crying and yelling and just behaving badly. There was barely any other people at this showing but I know I wouldn’t want someone to ruin my movie experience. One thing about having a child that cries is I can’t watch movies or tv shows that repeatedly have scenes with children crying I can’t stand to watch it because I get enough of that in real life, I don’t want to hear it when I’m trying to escape reality. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/23 "2016-05-29T11:28:01Z")
I didn’t say “DNA coded nurturing”, I said our DNA was coded for us to ‘respond’. All desires to break things, or avoid the noise, are just alternative responses. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/24 "2016-05-29T13:36:26Z")
> [@chasfh](#): > > Tell you what: nothing makes you feel more like a dick than being seated in a restaurant, seeing a toddler at a table, scanning the room, and asking the host or hostess, “Um, can we get a seat over there instead?” Doesn’t make me feel bad in the least. I’ve asked to be seated in a quiet part of a restaurant before which is a reasonable request. Not only can kids make a lot of noise but they can’t sit still and when seated in a booth that motion gets transferred to you. I’ve had a server deliberately surround me with children after making such a request. To me that was a dickish move. It was a relatively empty restaurant and she literally built up an island of children around me. I compensated her accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/25 "2016-05-29T17:25:58Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > .Huh? It might achieve the parent removing the squalling baby from the room, in the event that said parent needed a reminder that there are other people there who have ears. The context of my post was a baby crying on a plane or train. Not possible to step outside, so again, what does it achieve to voice disapproval? ---
**Author:** ![Skinnybones\_Lampshade](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skinnybones_lampshade/32/2872_2.png) [@Skinnybones\_Lampshade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skinnybones_Lampshade)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/26 "2016-05-29T17:39:36Z")
> [@pool](#): > > One thing about having a child that cries is I can’t watch movies or tv shows that repeatedly have scenes with children crying I can’t stand to watch it because I get enough of that in real life, I don’t want to hear it when I’m trying to escape reality. Related to this, here is something I can’t bear to see in a movie or TV drama: There is a scene between two adult actors, one of whom is holding a baby. The baby is calm as the scene begins. The adults have an intense argument, as written. The baby is startled and frightened and begins to scream. Now, the adults _know_ that they are acting but that poor baby does not. I think that this is abusive conduct. It should be anticipated and even expected that a baby will be scared if the person holding it begins to sob and scream or even to begin speaking in a harsh, hate-filled voice. The scene should be filmed some other way, not involving terrorizing or traumatizing a baby, or not at all. If the producers are so greedy as to ignore the baby’s well-being for “artistic realism” at any cost, they should face the realism of a hefty fine, payable to the child’s family, held in trust. The scene should also be excised from the final product, and let the producers scramble to re-cut or re-film. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/27 "2016-05-29T20:07:17Z")
I guess I am nearly alone, but crying kids simply don’t bother me. Sure, I would prefer they were quiet, but there is a lot of “grown up” behavior that bugs me a lot more. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/28 "2016-05-29T20:15:38Z")
> [@Skinnybones\_Lampshade](#): > > Related to this, here is something I can’t bear to see in a movie or TV drama: There is a scene between two adult actors, one of whom is holding a baby. The baby is calm as the scene begins. The adults have an intense argument, as written. The baby is startled and frightened and begins to scream. > > Now, the adults _know_ that they are acting but that poor baby does not. I think that this is abusive conduct. It should be anticipated and even expected that a baby will be scared if the person holding it begins to sob and scream or even to begin speaking in a harsh, hate-filled voice. > > The scene should be filmed some other way, not involving terrorizing or traumatizing a baby, or not at all. If the producers are so greedy as to ignore the baby’s well-being for “artistic realism” at any cost, they should face the realism of a hefty fine, payable to the child’s family, held in trust. The scene should also be excised from the final product, and let the producers scramble to re-cut or re-film. Are you sure the film _wasn’t_ done some other way? It’s standard practice in the film biz to do lots of creative cutting and editing when dealing with children. We’ve had posts about it in the past here, so I won’t go into detail… but I would start with the assumption that the movie was not filmed the way you think it was. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/29 "2016-05-29T20:20:17Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > Did you just brag that you would hit a child? Uh, did you read what I wrote? Because I did start the statement with “An older child or adult (assuming normal faculties)…” And by older child, I didn’t mean 5 or 10. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/30 "2016-05-29T21:35:31Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > Uh, did you read what I wrote? Yes. You were posturing that you would punch an “older child” who annoyed you, to the applause of an adoring multitude. Instead of say, filming it on their cellphones and posting it on YouTube with the title “Is This The World’s Worst Man?”. ---
**Author:** ![Periwinkle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Periwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Periwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/31 "2016-05-29T23:06:02Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > The parent has responsibility to make sure that their child has its needs met but small children and, especially babies, often cry for no discernible reason and there is nothing their parents or anyone else can do about it. The parents can and should remove the crying child if it happens during a ceremony but that isn’t an option on something like a plane. > > Believe it or not, it is usually the parents that are the most stressed about those situations but it makes you feel both embarrassed and helpless. There is very little that you can do about it in many cases. For example, my ex-wife and I took our then two year old daughter to France when she was barely two. She developed some weird GI disorder while we were there but her pediatrician back home didn’t consider it to be that serious so we carried on normally until the plane flight back home. > > As soon as we got to altitude, she started screaming the most god-awful blood-curdling screams you can imagine and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. I tried to calm her down for two hours until I finally just told a flight attendant I was taking her into one of the bathrooms for the 6 hour remainder of the flight. They agreed so I was stuck in a Sky Porta-Potty with a screaming endurance athlete during a long flight but at least everyone else got some respite. We later found out she was screaming because she was really constipated but didn’t know why she was uncomfortable. Babies are even less articulate than that. That was so good of you to do. Shrieking toddlers trapped on a plane are just the worst. It’s just part of life, but very stressful to listen to, so you deserve kudos for taking one for the team. The sound of crying babies isn’t nearly as stressful to listen to, I guess because it’s not as piercing. I feel sorry for the parents in those situations. I would even be willing to offer to hold the baby for a few minutes to give them a break, but I don’t think that kind of thing is done much anymore. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/32 "2016-05-29T23:23:27Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I disagree. I think the crying of a baby is frustrating because nature made that sound grate upon our ears so we would be stirred to action by it. It is hard for all of us to override the DNA coded urge to ‘respond!’, whenever, wherever we hear it. It’s IS near impossible to ignore, and for good reason I should think. > > Intellectually acknowledging that it would be inappropriate to respond since it is not our child, doesn’t help a bit to keep it from grating on us and setting out nerves on edge. This. I can’t stand being near crying babies. I’m a parent, and I’m fully aware that there’s often nothing the parents can do. I certainly don’t hassle the parents of the screaming infant on an airplane. (I might give them dirty looks in a place like a restaurant that they could leave.) But i always cringe just a little when i see a baby board near me. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2016, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/33 "2016-05-29T23:30:31Z")
**Periwinlke’s** right, **Shagnasty.** A lot of people wouldn’t have thought of that. > [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > The parent has no responsibility? I also agree that most people, at least subconsciously, think that whoever’s with the baby ought to be able to do _something._ Most parents feel it, too, remembering other times that they’ve been able to soothe the baby. My kids are starting to complain about how old they’re getting. I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten farther away from my baby-toting years, my reaction to a crying baby in public has shifted. It’s now a moment of guilty stress followed by a huge sense of relief as I remember That’s Not My Problem. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/34 "2016-05-30T00:27:11Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Doesn’t make me feel bad in the least. > > I’ve asked to be seated in a quiet part of a restaurant before which is a reasonable request. Not only can kids make a lot of noise but they can’t sit still and when seated in a booth that motion gets transferred to you. > > I’ve had a server deliberately surround me with children after making such a request. To me that was a dickish move. It was a relatively empty restaurant and she literally built up an island of children around me. I compensated her accordingly. Wow. That really was dickish. You could have been the parent of twin 8-month-olds getting your first evening to yourself in eight months, or a 10-year veteran preschool teacher who just needed a change during your off-time. When I worked with disabled people, sometimes I’d come off spending 24 hours with a really difficult autistic person (over Easter of Christmas, usually), and I’d want to go sit somewhere alone and read a book while someone else cooked me a meal. If I’d asked for quiet and someone had surrounded me with noisy children, I certainly be speaking to her manager. I would have asked to speak to the manager. Wow. No matter what the server personally thinks of your request, she has no business doing that. Your post really set me off. ---
**Author:** ![Elemenopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/35 "2016-05-30T00:46:55Z")
Yes, someone else’s baby crying is very frustrating to me. Not in the sense that it pisses me off (unless there’s an obvious fix that the caretaker is ignoring) but that it makes me feel helpless. I’ll try to help if possible. I like sitting near other children in planes, restaurants, etc. because there’s a good chance my kids can help entertain theirs and vice versa. And on the rare occasion I am sans enfant, I’m the goofy lady making faces and playing peekaboo with the little kid at the next table. BTW, on airplanes, if a squalling child is more than a row away, I can barely hear it anyway over the sounds of the plane and the way my ears always get plugged, so no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/36 "2016-05-30T01:38:56Z")
If they designated certain flights, buses, trains, restaurants, and stores as “child free” I’d happily pay more to ensure a relaxing adult-only experience. Once I tried to find an apartment that was guaranteed “child free” but apparently that is illegal unless it’s a designated “retirement community” and they use age discrimination to keep younger people out of such places. ---
**Author:** ![Lubricious\_Integument](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lubricious\_Integument](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lubricious_Integument)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/37 "2016-05-30T03:56:33Z")
> [@pool](#): > > I have three kids and the youngest is still at an age that involves crying. If I can remove the kid from the situation we will. We had to leave the last movie we went to see about a quarter of the way through because the youngest wouldn’t stop crying and yelling and just behaving badly. What age is your youngest? I didn’t take any of my kids to the movies until they were well past the crying stage. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/38 "2016-05-30T05:01:04Z")
I didn’t either, but I have an only. If I had a 6-year-old, and 4-year-old, and a 2-year-old, and the older two had been promised a movie, and the babysitter for the 2-year-old cancelled at the last minute, I might take a chance that the 2-year-old could make it through the movie without crying, since she was MOSTLY past the crying stage. If it turned out she was extra irritable because she had missed a nap, or maybe was coming down with something, and didn’t make it, I might end up telling the older two that, under the threat of death they did not move from their seats except for a bathroom emergency, and I would be right outside the door, come find me. If my husband was available to come with me, so much the better. Maybe the 2-year-old had been begging to come to her very first movie, and we had reservations, but took her anyway, and something odd scared her-- things can scare 2-year-olds, and can scare a particular 2-year-old, without scaring any others, so she had to be taken out. One took her out and one stayed with the older kids. The only way to find out if a kid is ready for something, or will like it is to try. When my son was four, we took him to see these Tibetan acrobats. It was in an auditorium, and not a circus-like atmosphere at all. We didn’t really know what to expect. He loved it. When he was five he watched an entire ballet on TV, so I thought he might be ready to watch a ballet. His father was highly skeptical, but I took him to the _Nutcracker_ when he’d just turned six, and he loved it. I had to bring some crayons and a coloring book for his father, though. But we’re tried other things that have failed miserably-- things aimed specifically at children his age, sometimes. We’re spent a lot of money on tickets only to go home after 15 minutes. The only way to know\* if \*the kid can make it is to try. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/39 "2016-05-30T05:08:58Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > The context of my post was a baby crying on a plane or train. Not possible to step outside, so again, what does it achieve to voice disapproval? You didn’t actually say that in your post, and I am not actually telepathic. As far as trains / public transport, yes parents can step off the transit at any stop they wish, including the very next one. They can even plan ahead to ensure that the kid is in a good mood aka well-fed and well-rested (or asleep) before traveling, which is also a strategy that can also be useful for planes. I’m not saying parenting is EASY, but please remember it is a CHOICE. Having to share space with other people in public is not a choice, but sharing it considerately is. If one is unprepared for the trials of parenthood, they always have the option to abstain, and frankly more people should give that option the serious consideration it deserves. Speaking of babies on public transport and consideration, for the love of all the gods do not bring your giant suburban-assault-stroller onto buses and trains. Especially do not during rush hours. Those things have a bigger footprint than wheelchairs! And I’ve never seen anyone attempt to fold one up to take less space, so either they’re not designed to fold, or no one can be bothered. If you need to bring baby onto a bus, put them in a baby sling or strap-on baby carrier. If they’re too big for a carrier, they can walk. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2016, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890/40 "2016-05-30T05:29:42Z")
> [@Skinnybones\_Lampshade](#): > > Related to this, here is something I can’t bear to see in a movie or TV drama: There is a scene between two adult actors, one of whom is holding a baby. The baby is calm as the scene begins. The adults have an intense argument, as written. The baby is startled and frightened and begins to scream. > > Now, the adults _know_ that they are acting but that poor baby does not. I think that this is abusive conduct. It should be anticipated and even expected that a baby will be scared if the person holding it begins to sob and scream or even to begin speaking in a harsh, hate-filled voice. > > The scene should be filmed some other way, not involving terrorizing or traumatizing a baby, or not at all. If the producers are so greedy as to ignore the baby’s well-being for “artistic realism” at any cost, they should face the realism of a hefty fine, payable to the child’s family, held in trust. The scene should also be excised from the final product, and let the producers scramble to re-cut or re-film. Uh, you know that they use rubber dolls and dub the crying in during post-production, right? Living babies are ONLY used for close-ups on the baby, not scenes which focus on the adults. It’s actually problematic to have the baby cry or otherwise make noise, because they won’t do it on cue. Also, having an actual baby on set when focused on the adult actors is problematic scheduling-wise, because: [“In California, infants under 6 months are allowed on-set for two hours a day, but their actual workday can’t exceed 20 minutes.”](http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/explainer/2007/06/where_do_hollywood_babies_come_from.html) Filming a single scene takes WAY more than 20 minutes; they’re not going to waste that baby’s time when all you can actually see is an adult holding an object wrapped in a blanket. This’ll blow your mind, but the decayed corpses you see on shows like “Bones” are rubber models and not actual corpses, too. This actually sort of reminds me of a PSA published in Chicago newspapers back when they were filming the Transformer movies here: they warned the public that there would be crews filming downtown, but THAT THERE WOULD BE NO GIANT ROBOTS THERE. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-crying-of-a-baby-in-public-is-more-frustrating-because-it-doesnt-know-better/755890.md?page=3)