# The curious bitter fruits of online dating **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 31, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486 "2010-03-31T19:11:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/21 "2010-04-01T05:36:29Z")
> [@Torpor\_Beast](#): > > Thanks for the great replies everyone. > > Yep. Another person’s caring is another one’s clingy. Text messages are easy to send and easy to reply to. It’s not like I was serenading under her window or something. Answering a text message doesn’t take that much effort, so not answering one feels much ruder than just telling someone to bugger off.\ I think you’re not quite getting this yet - not responding to your text is the online dating world code for, “Not interested.” “Rude” really doesn’t come into it - she’s operating just fine under the online dating world code of ethics (which you are new to, and don’t quite understand yet). I’m sorry if that sounds condescending; I don’t mean it to be. I’m trying to be helpful (because online dating does really work for a lot of people, including me). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Torpor\_Beast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71e660/32.png) [@Torpor\_Beast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torpor_Beast)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/22 "2010-04-01T05:59:59Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think you’re not quite getting this yet - not responding to your text is the online dating world code for, “Not interested.” “Rude” really doesn’t come into it - she’s operating just fine under the online dating world code of ethics (which you are new to, and don’t quite understand yet). > > I’m sorry if that sounds condescending; I don’t mean it to be. I’m trying to be helpful (because online dating does really work for a lot of people, including me). 🙂 Nahh. You’re not sounding condescending. 🙂 In fact, I appreciate straightforwardness and honesty. A part of why I find leaving people hanging like this so annoying. Now I’ll know not to mind it in the future. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/23 "2010-04-01T08:10:15Z")
Ugh, this happens to me all the time. I meet a girl online, we go out, have a wonderful time, I think we’re hitting it off, but then she disappears. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if I contact her again or not, they’re all too chickenshit to say they don’t want to see me again. It’s easier and more passive aggressive to just not ever call or write or text ever again. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/24 "2010-04-01T12:42:38Z")
> [@DivineComedienne](#): > > The hardest thing I have found with online dating is when there’s no real chemistry. How do you kindly say to someone, “I thought you were great when I was talking to you online; but now that I’ve met you in person…meh, not so much.” > > I’ve had many first dates that were perfectly pleasant evenings, but just…no spark. Most of the time, the gentleman has been interested in seeing me again, but I’m not. It was still a nice conversation and pleasant company, but chemistry is either there or it’s not. You just don’t know until you meet in person. > > If you are interested, you make the time and make the effort. She’s just not feeling it, it’s probably nothing personal, nothing you did - just isn’t mutual. You’ll go on other dates and it will be the opposite; the woman will be interested and you aren’t. Take your time with the dating site, and keep trying. I’ve been on dates like this, too. Don’t get discouraged. There will probably be women you meet online with whom you don’t feel a “spark” upon actually meeting them. It’ll happen. But you keep going. > [@tdn](#): > > I think it’s a big mistake to assume that the first person you meet online is going to be “the one.” Resign yourself to the idea that you’re going to have to meet dozens or even hundreds of women before that happens. And don’t get hung up on any one of them. A survival tip in this is just to have as much fun in the process as you can. Look at it this way: You spent an afternoon having a great time with a great woman. That’s a Good Thing. Same here. I dated a lot of people online, one maybe two dates with some. It took me a while and a lot of dates to find the man I eventually married. Yes, I met my husband through online dating. Good things can come of it. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/25 "2010-04-01T13:05:46Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think you’re not quite getting this yet - not responding to your text is the online dating world code for, “Not interested.” “Rude” really doesn’t come into it - she’s operating just fine under the online dating world code of ethics (which you are new to, and don’t quite understand yet). Yeah, in her mind she’s not being rude or mysterious. She’s shouting loud and clear “Thanks, but no thanks.” She probably thinks she’s being polite by not telling you directly that it’s not a good match for her. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/26 "2010-04-01T14:46:48Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > I don’t think you scared her off. I think she just wasn’t into you in the beginning. If I went on a date with a guy and I felt like we hit it off, I would be thrilled that he texted me the next day. If she doesn’t return your call or messages past the first or at the very most the second attempt on your part, it’s time to move on. I agree with this. Yes, the OP was being pushy with the back to back texts and the call at work (very not cool). But the timing on the first text was fine, and if she’d been truly interested, she would have more than likely happily responded. I think we overstate the phenomenon of scaring someone away. If a mild display of interest is enough to immediately send someone fleeing into the night, it was doomed to begin with. That said, it’s possible that during the Saturday meetup, the chemistry was botched because the OP showed certain signs of over-interest or boundary stepping that just happen to be consistent with behavior he went on to exhibit later. If the OP sees nothing weird about calling a woman he barely knows at work after she’s ignored two consecutive texts from him, it’s quite likely he did things on the Saturday date that weirded her out without him knowing. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/27 "2010-04-01T15:32:16Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > I agree with this. Yes, the OP was being pushy with the back to back texts and the call at work (very not cool). But the timing on the first text was fine, and if she’d been truly interested, she would have more than likely happily responded. Unless she’s playing that “play hard to get, its the only right way to get a guy” crap…or following some of that “rules” crap..or yet some other dumbass contradictory rules of dating crap. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/28 "2010-04-01T15:49:57Z")
> [@Torpor\_Beast](#): > > Perhaps some of you gentle people could shed some light on some relationship weirdness I’m having at the moment. > > I’ve been single for a good while, and recently decided to try an online dating site. The last relationship I had was with a coworker and we met each other every day at work, so we kind of just slid into the relationship, without any of these “dating” theatrics. So I’m kind of confused. > > I seemingly caught a lucky break within the first 24 hours of my attempt at online dating, when a few years younger lady with an interesting profile responded to me, and we set up a date. > > On Saturday, we met at a local museum of modern art, as both of us are interested in the subject. We seemed to get along pretty well. We had a long and interesting conversation at the museum’s cafe, and then proceeded have fun looking at the exhibits. After touring the museum, we went on our separate ways, since we both had prior engagements to attend to. However, we agreed to call set up a movie date early next week. I genuinely liked her, and she seemed to feel the same. > > On Sunday, I sent a text message to her, asking how her evening went, since she’d told me she was going to a friends housewarming party. I got no reply. > > On Monday, I was going to go out with a friend, but I figured I’d ask the lady if she’d want to grab a cup of coffee after work instead. I called her at work(this is completely unremarkable where I live. People usually take personal calls at work without any issue). She answered the phone, but insisted that she’s working and can’t be disturbed. I didn’t get the impression that she was in a meeting or anything like that. I apologized for disturbing her at work, thinking she’d call me later to find out why I called. No call so far. > > Wednesday, now. Earlier today I left her an answering machine message asking how she’s doing, and to call me back if she wants to talk. It’s 22.00 here. No call. > > I’m a cynic by nature, so I’m inclined to believe that she just wants me to figure out by myself that nothing is going to happen, and just disappear quietly. On the other hand, she did genuinely seem to like me when we met, so I’m a bit puzzled by this. Have I taken things too fast or something? You didn’t pass the physical attraction test. She did with you but not you with her. Not trying to piss in your cornflakes, dude but you need to not dwell on her and wasting your time. You should have stopped after the first text message IMO. Online dating is like a bar and the first meeting is like you going up to a cute woman and seeing if you get shot down (or a woman approaching you and you shooting her down). The great thing about online dating is that you can meet many women and you don’t have to go to a bar. The bad thing is that a ‘date’ is not the first meeting. The first date is the second meeting. The first meeting is like approaching a woman at a bar. An issue with online is that a woman can’t see if you pass her physical attraction test before encouraging you (unlike a bar) or vice versa. That is what the first meeting is for. Don’t stop trying online, just realize this disadvantage online has. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/29 "2010-04-01T16:12:31Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > You didn’t pass the physical attraction test. She did with you but not you with her. > > Not trying to piss in your cornflakes, dude but you need to not dwell on her and wasting your time. You should have stopped after the first text message IMO. > > Online dating is like a bar and the first meeting is like you going up to a cute woman and seeing if you get shot down (or a woman approaching you and you shooting her down). > > The great thing about online dating is that you can meet many women and you don’t have to go to a bar. > > The bad thing is that a ‘date’ is not the first meeting. The first date is the second meeting. The first meeting is like approaching a woman at a bar. An issue with online is that a woman can’t see if you pass her physical attraction test before encouraging you (unlike a bar) or vice versa. That is what the first meeting is for. > > Don’t stop trying online, just realize this disadvantage online has. Wow, that’s a great way of putting it – for online dating, it’s the second meeting that counts as the first date. And I certainly have to agree with the person who said that you have to be prepared to meet hundreds of women to find the “right one”. I sure did. But I found her eventually. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/30 "2010-04-01T16:16:16Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Unless she’s playing that “play hard to get, its the only right way to get a guy” crap…or following some of that “rules” crap..or yet some other dumbass contradictory rules of dating crap. It’s a rare woman who agrees to a date within 24 hours of making first contact with someone and then turns around and plays dating rule games with the telephone. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/31 "2010-04-01T16:19:03Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Bold added. > > Except for the first sentence I agree with all of this. Maybe she wasn’t that into him, but I think _probably_ he’d have had another shot **had he taken his foot off the gas a little bit** and obeyed the speed limit. Maybe a guy doesn’t blow you away the first date, but calls you the next weekend and you happen to not have any plans. You’d probably go out with him again just for the hell of it, wouldn’t you? But what if he’d been texting and calling you at work all week? The odds of a second date just dropped to zilch, right? That’s all I’m saying. There are people interested in you right off the bat…and there are ones who will never be interested in you. However, there is a third group…the maybe interested. The way to stand any chance with the maybe interested is to never let them know they have the choice of rejecting you. If you go out, have a nice time, then don’t contact her for a week\* and if she is in the not interested group she will not think of you. If she is in the interested group then waiting a week will spike her curiosity ‘Why isn’t he calling…did I do something wrong’? and she will be thrilled when you do call. If she is in the maybe group then she is waiting for your first contact so she can turn you down or put you on a back burner. Multiple contacts will put you quickly in the not interested zone. However, while she is waiting for your contact so she can reject you\*\* and you don’t call right away then she thinks that she doesn’t really “have” you in hand and so can’t really reject you. She then starts to think that you rejected her. Maybe she isn’t such a great catch relative to you at all!? She starts to re-evaluate her inital ‘maybe/meh’ impression. maybe you are busy…have lots of friends…a rewarding career…WHY ISN’T HE CONTACTING ME! When you do contact her after a week she goes WHEW…he likes me. Now I can reject him by not respponding. After some time she notices you haven’t contacted her again and this needles her…she starts thinking and re-evaluating all over again. Women have much power in the start of a relationship. Don’t give her more 🙂 Example (from my earlier life) - meet…get phone number. Wait a week. Call and get her voice mail. Leave a VM with your phone number - short and sweet. She doesn’t call back. You don’t call her again. A few days you get a call from her. She’s been ‘really busy’. You tell her fine, life is pretty busy. You try to set up a date and she waffles so you let it go…you will call again sometime. You don’t call. A couple weeks later you get a VM from her saying that ‘really busy’ doesn’t mean she is not interested. 🙂 I actually had a semi-long term relationship with the above - and I heard through a mutual friend that she really was intrigued by my lack of pursuit after rejection. \*I am a huge fan of ‘waiting a week’ \*\* It has been my experience with girlfriends, sisters, women friends and daughter that they HAVE to reject you…they go crazy if they can’t reject you 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/32 "2010-04-01T17:09:52Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > \ > However, while she is waiting for your contact so she can reject you\*\* and you don’t call right away then she thinks that she doesn’t really “have” you in hand and so can’t really reject you. She then starts to think that you rejected her. Maybe she isn’t such a great catch relative to you at all!? She starts to re-evaluate her inital ‘maybe/meh’ impression. maybe you are busy…have lots of friends…a rewarding career…WHY ISN’T HE CONTACTING ME! > > When you do contact her after a week she goes WHEW…he likes me. Now I can reject him by not respponding. After some time she notices you haven’t contacted her again and this needles her…she starts thinking and re-evaluating all over again. > \ OP, if you run into a woman who is playing games like this, run the other way and lose her phone number and email address. Honest to God, true attraction is not this hard or complicated. ---
**Author:** ![Richie\_Incognito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e36b37/32.png) [@Richie\_Incognito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richie_Incognito)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/33 "2010-04-01T17:31:23Z")
I had some experience online dating a few years back. It’s a different world. You just need to adjust to this. In the non-online dating world, from my experience, it is uncommon for a guy or girl to have 4 to 5 suitors a week. In the online dating world, this can be typical. In the non-online dating world, if you went on a date and thought both of you had a good time, you have a 95% chance of scoring a second date. In the online dating world, I would lower this to 50%. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/34 "2010-04-01T17:46:07Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > OP, if you run into a woman who is playing games like this, run the other way and lose her phone number and email address. Honest to God, true attraction is not this hard or complicated. They all do this. Just not with all guys. Sure, the ones much lower than you on attractiveness will not play games with you…but you push the envelope and you will get this in spades. Now…would you want to MARRY someone who does this to you? Probably not. Bang em…sure. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/35 "2010-04-01T21:31:50Z")
I think you need to meet a better class of women, **BlinkingDuck.** Or maybe a more mature class of women. Okay, maybe that’s not fair; maybe that’s how women work in your experience. In my experience (and being a woman), I didn’t play games like that, and I would not encourage any of my female acquaintances to do so (and I don’t think they ever did; at least, they didn’t tell me if they did). ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/36 "2010-04-01T22:32:34Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > There are people interested in you right off the bat…and there are ones who will never be interested in you. > > However, there is a third group…the maybe interested. > > The way to stand any chance with the maybe interested is to never let them know they have the choice of rejecting you. > > If you go out, have a nice time, then don’t contact her for a week\* and if she is in the not interested group she will not think of you. If she is in the interested group then waiting a week will spike her curiosity ‘Why isn’t he calling…did I do something wrong’? and she will be thrilled when you do call. > > If she is in the maybe group then she is waiting for your first contact so she can turn you down or put you on a back burner. Multiple contacts will put you quickly in the not interested zone. > > However, while she is waiting for your contact so she can reject you\*\* and you don’t call right away then she thinks that she doesn’t really “have” you in hand and so can’t really reject you. She then starts to think that you rejected her. Maybe she isn’t such a great catch relative to you at all!? She starts to re-evaluate her inital ‘maybe/meh’ impression. maybe you are busy…have lots of friends…a rewarding career…WHY ISN’T HE CONTACTING ME! > > When you do contact her after a week she goes WHEW…he likes me. Now I can reject him by not respponding. After some time she notices you haven’t contacted her again and this needles her…she starts thinking and re-evaluating all over again. Hmmm…I agree that there are three categories: interested, not interested, and sorta-interested, and it’s primarily the third category where your calling/contacting strategy has the weight in the outcome. But though your assessment may be true of some women, it’s certainly not true of me. If I go out on what I consider a moderately successful date with a guy and he doesn’t call me for a week, I’ll assume I overestimated the success of the date. His lack of apparent interest will make me scale down my own expectations and I’d be less willing to give him a second chance. I think calling one to three days after if you’re reasonably interested is appropriate. But like **Cat Fight** said, propose a date at a set time in the future and let her respond. ---
**Author:** ![Baby\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@Baby\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baby_Driver)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/37 "2010-04-01T22:42:41Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Ugh, this happens to me all the time. I meet a girl online, we go out, have a wonderful time, I think we’re hitting it off, but then she disappears. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if I contact her again or not, they’re all too chickenshit to say they don’t want to see me again. It’s easier and more passive aggressive to just not ever call or write or text ever again. It _is_ easier not to reply, and I think it shows a certain lack of integrity. OTOH, sometimes you get a vibe from the other person that if you tell them directly that you don’t want to see them again, they’ll respond angrily and aggressively. Some women really have trouble handling that (the whole “people pleasers thing”) and it doesn’t seem worth it to them to enter that situation. I’ll grit my teeth and go through with it, but I empathize. And another thing - if you regularly go out with a girl and think you’re hitting it off only to have her disappear on you, you might want to consider whether you’ve been reading the situation correctly. ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/38 "2010-04-02T11:46:03Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Ugh, this happens to me all the time. I meet a girl online, we go out, have a wonderful time, I think we’re hitting it off, but then she disappears. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if I contact her again or not, they’re all too chickenshit to say they don’t want to see me again. It’s easier and more passive aggressive to just not ever call or write or text ever again. I agree it’s “easier” to not call or text ever again - most people do tend to try to avoid unpleasant situations - but what’s “passive agressive” about not responding? She’s trying to AVOID hurting your feelings and putting herself, and you, in an uncomfortable situation if she tells you to your face that she is not attracted to you (ouch). How is NOT saying that being hurtful? So this begs the question - if “non-response” is not the way to handle the situation, then what is the appropriate, direct, upfront response that the OP’s date should have used to tell him she’s just not that interested in him, that would have NOT hurt his feelings and ended things on a positive note? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/39 "2010-04-02T15:20:37Z")
True story about online dating. My mom online dated a terrible lot after she got divorced. She had no problems finding gents, but went on a lot of dates that were pure losers: guys who put up drastically misleading pictures, guys who wouldn’t do anything but talk about her exes, whatever. But, mostly, she seemed to enjoy dating and meeting people, and didn’t sweat it if it didn’t work out. She got a boyfriend for awhile, and then when they broke up, she went back to it. She didn’t really get too attached to each person, and just kinda saw how stuff went. She’d go on several dates in a weekend a lot of times, and sometimes it was hard to keep track. There was one fella who she had a good time with, but not a ton of spark, but no problems. She ended up getting a bit more serious with someone else for a brief time right after his date. It shortly did not work out, but she’d mostly forgotten about the first date. The aforementioned gentleman got a little angry at the lack of response after weeks, and sent her a sarcastic nastygram about keeping in touch, and so on. Or at least, he thought he did. My mom read the email as completely neutral ‘how are things going?’ type of note, and thought “Oh yeah, that guy! He was kind of nice.” She wrote an upbeat reply to his response and invited him to go out again. The fella went ??? but accepted. Anyway, they married, and they’ve been together for almost 10 years. 🙂 Hooray for the passive-aggressive sarcastic note! ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486/40 "2010-04-02T15:30:49Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think you need to meet a better class of women, **BlinkingDuck.** Or maybe a more mature class of women. > > Okay, maybe that’s not fair; maybe that’s how women work in your experience. In my experience (and being a woman), I didn’t play games like that, and I would not encourage any of my female acquaintances to do so (and I don’t think they ever did; at least, they didn’t tell me if they did). Oh come now. ALL women do this 😃 And to be fair…all men do the equivalent. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-curious-bitter-fruits-of-online-dating/534486.md?page=3)