# The "Dallas" Movie
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [March 15, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387 "2006-03-15T00:06:09Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/1 "2006-03-15T00:06:09Z")
[http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/18563;\_ylt=ArakI.pwORmUKnv5o6jDNoG2GL8C;\_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-](http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/18563;_ylt=ArakI.pwORmUKnv5o6jDNoG2GL8C;_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-)
So I was thinking… wouldn’t it be interesting to _not_ winkingly cheese everything up, and instead, to take the plot _completely, utterly seriously_ in this flick?
I don’t know why “remakes” almost always go for the cheese.
In fact, I can’t think of a single tv-to-movie “remake” that _didn’t_ turn the original into a cornball comedy. (Can you?)
Even in cases where the original _was_ corny, intentionally or not, the “remake” has outcorned the corn. I’m thinking, for example, of _My Favorite Martian_. What they _should_ have done with that was make some kind of utterly believable, almost serious flick about the Martian and the human from the TV show as they might be today, having lived as friends on Earth for forty or so years. The fact that the martian has literal metal antennae could take on, in this context, an almost _darkly_ comic absurdist tone in its presentation.
I recognize the entertainment and artistic value of subverting the original show in a “remake” in _some_ way, but does it have to be through the conversion of the show into a puffball of corn? Why can’t we “subvert” the old shows by _making them believable in a contemporary idiom_. (Thereby subverting whatever presuppositions underlie the original works which constitute them as, for us today, somehow cheesey or unbelievable.) _That_ could be clever and interesting!
I think such a treatment might be interesting for _Dallas_ as well, though the original wasn’t meant to be funny AFAIK. But I’m guessing it will be cheesy and corny and will play everything for laughs.
-FrL-
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### Author:  [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/2 "2006-03-15T01:11:10Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> [http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/18563;\_ylt=ArakI.pwORmUKnv5o6jDNoG2GL8C;\_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-](http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/18563;_ylt=ArakI.pwORmUKnv5o6jDNoG2GL8C;_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-)
> … I’m thinking, for example, of _My Favorite Martian_. What they _should_ have done with that was make some kind of utterly believable, almost serious flick about the Martian and the human from the TV show as they might be today, having lived as friends on Earth for forty or so years. …
> -FrL-
First off, I totally agree with you.
Next, there are two things I’d like to say:
#1–I watched and enjoyed MY Favorite Martian, yeah, cheesy at times, pretty much a Beverly Hillbillies schtick, but a good show. I once read a comic book on the pilot plot, and the last scene had him (the Martian: Ray Walston) looking up at Mars while a tear trickled down his cheek. Awesome, and probably the only time in history the comix outdid a series. The dude had issues.
#2–As for the crapola out there, I just say: Suits. The freaking suits. They could screw up a wet dream.
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### Author:  [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2006, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/3 "2006-03-15T01:35:31Z")
> [@LiveOnAPlane](#):
>
> Suits. The freaking suits. They could screw up a wet dream.
[Suit] According to research, most people prefer a damp dream to a wet dream. That is what we will give them. [/suit]
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### Author:  [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2006, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/4 "2006-03-15T23:33:26Z")
> [@LiveOnAPlane](#):
>
> First off, I totally agree with you.
>
> Next, there are two things I’d like to say:
> #1–I watched and enjoyed MY Favorite Martian, yeah, cheesy at times, pretty much a Beverly Hillbillies schtick, but a good show. I once read a comic book on the pilot plot, and the last scene had him (the Martian: Ray Walston) looking up at Mars while a tear trickled down his cheek. Awesome, and probably the only time in history the comix outdid a series. The dude had issues.
> #2–As for the crapola out there, I just say: Suits. The freaking suits. They could screw up a wet dream.
I wonder if that comic is available anywhere with any ease. It sounds like the comic kind of (re)envisions the idea of the series in a way similar to the one I’ve suggested.
(Also, BTW, isn’t the guy that played the Martian still alive, and isn’t he a decent actor? He could play the role himself!)
-FrL-
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### Author:  [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)
#### Post date: [March 15, 2006, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/5 "2006-03-15T23:39:58Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> (Also, BTW, isn’t the guy that played the Martian still alive, and isn’t he a decent actor? He could play the role himself!)
He returned to Mars about five years ago.
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### Author:  [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/6 "2006-03-16T03:09:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> The Dallas Film Commission has launched the “Shoot J.R. in Dallas” campaign, in the hopes of luring 20th Century Fox to make the film in Texas, as opposed to non-Lone Star sites also in consideration.
HA!!! If they’re passing out any of these t-shirts in Texas, can someone get me one?
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### Author:  [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/7 "2006-03-16T14:10:15Z")
I don’t know about anyone else, but I am sick to death of these movie remakes of old 80s shows. Just let them die already - please. I didn’t see the Dukes of Hazzard movie, I’m not seeing Miami Vice, and I’m not seeing Dallas, either. Certainly there’s new ideas out there.
What’s next? Magnum P.I., Airwolf, and MacGuyver movies?
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### Author:  [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/8 "2006-03-16T14:19:38Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> (Also, BTW, isn’t the guy that played the Martian still alive, and isn’t he a decent actor? He could play the role himself!)
>
> -FrL-
[Nope.](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001827/) Ray Walston died 01/01/01.
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### Author:  [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/9 "2006-03-16T14:59:39Z")
I got some inside poop on the Dukes of Hazzard movie. There will likely be a “sequel.” Sort of.
Hollywood history may be made. They plan to wait a few years to let the miscast/badly-scripted movie fade into the overflowing sea embarrassing Hollywood mistakes. Then they will re-cast the movie with more appropriate actors, and _completely disregard_ the 2005 movie. So it’s a sequel in title only, but will actually be more of a remake of the series, disregarding the horrible mistake in hiring the Broken Lizard morons to make the first one.
This will probably be the first time a Hollywood studio openly ate crow.
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### Author:  [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/10 "2006-03-16T15:24:51Z")
_Maimi Vice_ is holding my interest for two reasons:
1. It’s being helmed by the original series creater, Michael Mann
2. They appear to be playing it straight.
I’m very interested.
Also interesting is that new news about Dukes of Hazzard. Do you have a source perchance? I am curious and would like to know more.
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### Author:  [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/11 "2006-03-16T16:14:12Z")
> [@Snickers](#):
>
> I don’t know about anyone else, but I am sick to death of these movie remakes of old 80s shows. Just let them die already - please. I didn’t see the Dukes of Hazzard movie, I’m not seeing Miami Vice, and I’m not seeing Dallas, either. Certainly there’s new ideas out there.
>
> What’s next? Magnum P.I., Airwolf, and MacGuyver movies?
Absolutely. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? Doesn’t anyone write original screenplays for the movies? Who green lights this shit?
I know it’s all about money. I know Fanboy/girl X loves it when their favorite comic book, cartoon, or TV series comes to the big screen, but that only encourages them to make more of this shit.
I don’t think I’m a movie snob. Well, yes, wait, I am. I see movies very infrequently. They’re almost always documentaries. And I tend to go to the artsy theatre. But I’m not above seeing some good ol’ fashioned ass-kicking on the big screen. What I won’t do, though, is see something that’s been done before.
Occasionally I flip channels and catch Dallas reruns on CMT, I think. It’d be one thing if they tried to do what they did on that Dallas reunion show - pick up where they left off. This a.m. I saw an article saying that J.Lo is in the running for the role of Sue Ellen. On one hand, I am all for seeing people of color in headlining roles. But Sue Ellen wasn’t Latina. She was a White country gal. To make this work they would need J.Lo to play the role as it was intended (slightly offensive) or as she is - which would complicate matters significantly. Because there’s that whole issue of being the scion of a big Texas oil family marrying a Latina in the 1980s. It would have to be in the storyline or it wouldn’t ring true… then, of course, you’ve got a different movie altogether.
And don’t forget, we have to have the original cast in some cameo in the flick. So fucking predictable, and so fucking lame. I have a feeliing the shitty box office receipts in recent years have way more to do with the dreck they keep pumping out than DVDs, movie piracy, and that other stuff. In fact, the last two theatrical releases I was were Vera Drake and Millions. Original movies!
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### Author:  [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/12 "2006-03-16T16:19:38Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> [http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/18563;\_ylt=ArakI.pwORmUKnv5o6jDNoG2GL8C;\_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-](http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/18563;_ylt=ArakI.pwORmUKnv5o6jDNoG2GL8C;_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-)
>
> So I was thinking… wouldn’t it be interesting to _not_ winkingly cheese everything up, and instead, to take the plot _completely, utterly seriously_ in this flick?
Arguably the _Lost in Space_ movie took this tack. It presented itself as understanding the premise of the original series but was actually a stand-alone move that could have been on anyone’s radar as a serious pic.
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### Author:  [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/13 "2006-03-16T16:53:12Z")
> [@Hippy Hollow](#):
>
> Absolutely. What the hell is going on in Hollywood? Doesn’t anyone write original screenplays for the movies? Who green lights this shit?
The problem is that for some reason costs for movies has skyrocketed while box office has stayed the same. Therefore movie studios go for safer bets as movie failures when you’re dishing out 100 million plus to make them can be incredibly costly.
As for why they’re going up in costs so much, my hunch is inflated salaries all around. Most of my favourite movies were made for fractions of what movies are these days, with similiar (for the times they were made) kinds of special effects, and I’m not talking about dramas either.
Aliens cost 35 million dollars in todays money. That’s less than is given to B-movies these days.
Star Wars cost 41 million.
Empire Strikes back 45 million.
Raiders of the Lost Ark 45 million.
These are adjusted btw, if you payed everyone in todays money, that’s how much it would cost to make those movies today.
For some of todays movies, that’s about the budget for 2 actors, if they’re stars.
Fun with Dick and Jane cost 100 million. Attack of the Clones 115 million. The latest Harry Potter movie, 150 million.
So yeah. That’s how I see it, anyway.
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### Author:  [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/14 "2006-03-16T18:05:19Z")
I recall seeing a few episodes of this old soap opera. anyway: did JR die? Who inherited the family fortune? Or did the IRS throw them all in jail and confiscate Southfork? And JR’s nemesis (I think his name was cliff something)-what happened to him?
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### Author:  [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/15 "2006-03-16T18:54:30Z")
Just a guess, but I am betting they don’t make the new re-make cheesy for laughs, unless they make it a 70’s period piece with those newfangled cordless phones with the hugeass antenna.
The soap plot was always fairly evil and serious, with the occasional wink of humor, but for the most part, J.R. was the guy to hate and plots were made and plots were foiled. They would be stupid to do it as a tongue-in-cheek, as if there were ever a film that could have a sequel or two, this is it. People in the US forget that Dallas was a mega-hit around the world. So even if the film makes only 10 cents in the US, it is bound to make a bundle world-wide.
Yes, Hollywood has screwed up about 99.9% of all TV shows to films remakes, but I don’t think the movie Dallas will intentionally be made for cheap laughs…it might turn out that way, but I seriously doubt that will be the writers’/producers intentions. And the cast, other than maybe JLo, seems to be fairly decent.
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### Author:  [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/16 "2006-03-16T20:50:34Z")
> [@Snickers](#):
>
> What’s next? Magnum P.I., Airwolf, and MacGuyver movies?
My guess would be either _Punky Brewster_ as a Sir Ian McKellen/Elle Fanning vehicle, _Murder She Wrote_ with Dame Judi Dench as Jessica Fletcher or _Gimme a Break_ as another Halle Berry/Billy Bob Thornton project.
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### Author:  [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)
#### Post date: [March 16, 2006, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/17 "2006-03-16T20:57:41Z")
> [@ralph124c](#):
>
> I recall seeing a few episodes of this old soap opera. anyway: did JR die? Who inherited the family fortune? Or did the IRS throw them all in jail and confiscate Southfork? And JR’s nemesis (I think his name was cliff something)-what happened to him?
Rather than box them (since it’s for a long dead show) I’ll just say SPOILER ALERT here:
The last episode of the series featured Joel Grey (Hagman’s real life best friend) as a demonic spin on Clarence in _It’s a Wonderful Life_- he shows J.R. how much _better_ the world would have been had he never been born. The show ends with an already depressed and on the verge of ruin J.R. looking in a mirror, firing a gun, the camera cuts away to Bobby looking in and saying “Oh my God!”
A few years later there was a TV reunion movie in which Bobby said something about J.R. going nuts a few years ago and shooting a mirror. However, he’s back to his old tricks now, embezzles $200 million from his son’s trust fund, etc… Miss Ellie (Barbara Bel Geddes, who died last year) did not appear in the reunion movies but most of the original cast did [I don’t think Charlene Tilton was asked]).
The guy who played Cliff Barnes was Ken Kercheval, who stupidly didn’t learn from the "_NEVER PUT YOUR OWN MONEY IN THE SHOW!_ rule or the _Never Put Everything You Have Left into one investment_ rule. He produced some stage and screen projects that tanked without ever being released and he sank more of his money into a popcorn venture that also tanked and was on the “See the celebrity eat a bug for $2” tour a few years ago. Hopefully the reunion movies helped him get a trailer or something.
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### Author:  [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/18 "2006-03-19T18:50:08Z")
> [@Snickers](#):
>
> What’s next? Magnum P.I., Airwolf, and MacGuyver movies?
Knight Rider. Seriously. IMDb says David Hasselhoff will be back as Michael Knight.
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### Author:  [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/19 "2006-03-19T20:19:15Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#):
>
> Knight Rider. Seriously. IMDb says David Hasselhoff will be back as Michael Knight.
And Magnim P.I., in 2007.
There truly are no more stories to tell.
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### Author:  [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)
#### Post date: [March 19, 2006, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dallas-movie/348387/20 "2006-03-19T20:44:08Z")
> [@Frylock](#):
>
> I don’t know why “remakes” almost always go for the cheese.
>
> In fact, I can’t think of a single tv-to-movie “remake” that _didn’t_ turn the original into a cornball comedy. (Can you?)-FrL-
The _Fugitive_ was nominated for Best Picture.
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