# The day after Christmas and all I have are 4 buns and no ham. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 26, 2008, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737 "2008-12-26T16:01:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/221 "2009-02-21T05:58:16Z")
Old Smokey. \*On top of Old Smokey, all covered with glaze I lost my ham dinner to a dog that was crazed. It jumped on the table with filthy wet paws and fled with my dinner clenched fast in its jaws. It chewed on that ham bone and gnawed it some more and then my poor ham bone was left on the floor. Mom rescued that dinner and said “It’s still good” But can I still eat it? I don’t think I could. It sits in the fridge now like a bump on a log but no one will touch it because of that dog. Old Smokey’s still with us, Two months have gone by The glaze is all green and the edges are dry. There came a strange day when I opened the door, I saw that Old Smokey wasn’t there anymore. He’d grown his own conscience Sitting there on the shelf, and that meant Old Smokey could fend for himself. He’d jumped out the roast pan, bumped open the door and oozed across the kitchen, leaving slime on the floor. I ran to the driveway but it was too late Old Smokey had vanished to find his own fate. So if you spot Old Smokey around next Halloween For god’s sake don’t eat that, You know where it’s been.\* ---
**Author:** ![criminey.jicket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@criminey.jicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/criminey.jicket)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/222 "2009-02-21T11:36:40Z")
::wild applause:: That was awesome, **Jenaroph**. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/223 "2009-02-21T12:42:08Z")
Oh my God. I am simultaneously full of admiration and appalled by this. Get rid of the damn thing! ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/224 "2009-02-21T13:06:23Z")
Very nice Jenaroph. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/225 "2009-02-21T14:24:28Z")
::standing ovation:: ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2009, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/226 "2009-02-21T15:17:55Z")
> [@criminey.jicket](#): > > I vote for Hamish. It could assume the identity of Marvin Hamlisch and write cheesy music. “Bad To The Bone” for orchestra, for instance. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/227 "2009-03-07T19:17:15Z")
At 13:12 I saw the ham pan being scrubbed by ma. The ham is gone. The ham is definitely gone. I guess my plans for the St Patrick’s day ham are through. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/228 "2009-03-07T19:19:25Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > At 13:12 I saw the ham pan being scrubbed by ma. The ham is gone. The ham is definitely gone. I guess my plans for the St Patrick’s day ham are through. Well ! That’s a relief. By the way, have you checked your PMs lately? ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2009, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/229 "2009-03-07T19:26:03Z")
Well, the good news is, you don’t have to worry about it being re-used as the Easter Ham. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2009, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737/230 "2009-03-08T02:05:29Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > At 13:12 I saw the ham pan being scrubbed by ma. The ham is gone. The ham is definitely gone. I guess my plans for the St Patrick’s day ham are through. That’s what it _wants_ you to think. On the plus side, if it shows up on your basement stairs on dark and stormy night, you’ll know it’s true name: Jason Voorhams.Lame, I know. Sorry. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-day-after-christmas-and-all-i-have-are-4-buns-and-no-ham/478737.md?page=11)