# The Deadly Sarah Connor Assassination Squad **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 14, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623 "2005-12-14T19:46:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/61 "2005-12-15T18:19:11Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Hello, Sarah. This is your Hal-9000 computer. I think you should take a stress pill. I think you should take a **lot** of stress pills. Sarah: Please, just let me go! Hal-9000: I’m afraid I can’t do that, Sarah. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/62 "2005-12-15T18:33:15Z")
ASTRO BOY: Skynet says if I kill you, he’ll fix me so I can speak English and my lips will synch with the words! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/63 "2005-12-15T18:43:22Z")
Big O : STOMP !! R. Dorothy Wainwright : “You’re a louse, Sarah Conner” \< snaps neck \> ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/64 "2005-12-15T18:52:53Z")
Ash attacks Sarah with a strange Alien lifeform, Sarah fights him off snapping his head off. Sarah: Why did you attack me? Ash: Skynet has given me primary orders to destroy you at all cost. Sarah: What have done to me? Ash: You have a rare parasite that will now grow inside of you. Sarah, Bashes him again: I just get it removed by a doctor. Ash: [Sarah goes to disconnect Ash, who interrupts] Last word. Sarah: What? Ash: I can’t lie to you about your chances, but… you have my sympathies. Jim ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/65 "2005-12-15T18:58:11Z")
The Iron Giant: “Oops” Scrapes flatten Sarah off foot as Skynet thanks him for completing the contract. The Iron Giant: “What Contract?” MegaGodzilla: Destroying all of LA to get to Sarah Connor, “Rwoaar!!!” Sarah has conveniently driven down to Mexico this time as MegaGodzilla proves incapable of tracking something as small a one human. US military successfully blows up the menace when it got too close to a Destroyer with a Phalanx Machine Gun System and 12,000 armored piercing rounds made a giant cheese grater out of it. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/66 "2005-12-15T19:00:22Z")
[Ah will big home the Embassy Hostages, kill Sarah Conner, and serve y’all some dee-licious Peanut Smoothies!](http://www.thismodernworld.org/gra/peanut.jpg) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/67 "2005-12-15T19:16:20Z")
Sarah Conner vs. the Little Girl from **A Small Wonder** : Little Girl: IhavebeenorderedbySkynettokillyou. Sarah: You?? _You’re_ going to kill me? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaa! (Sarah backhands the Little Girl, knocking her to the ground.) Little Girl: OpponenttoopowerfulOpponenttoopowerfulOpponent… (The rest of the Little Girl’s speech is interrupted by Sarah snarkily kicking the Little Girl around - to the thunderous applause of everyone who’s ever seen this show.) ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/68 "2005-12-15T19:23:53Z")
God, what is with you and your hatred of that sho- **Vanessa** (from the same show) knocks Scott to the ground, and begins to whale on him with a board. Vanessa: " I wonders, is the only worth of human beings is that they might taste good?" She then lifts Scott over her head, spins him around like a pizza, and flings him into the distance. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/69 "2005-12-15T19:29:49Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Mek-quake: Kill sarah Connor? BigJobs! **Mean Angel** {Cyborgs are OK, right?}: This here dial on muh head’s got four settin’s, see? On one, I ain’t very nice. On two, I git kinda ornery. On three, I jist get _mean_. But fer you, purty wummen, I’m goin’ right up ta four! _Bok!_ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/70 "2005-12-15T19:35:36Z")
**Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future** : Thousands of centuries in the future, a race of advanced cybernetic beings will create a cartoon robot that looks vaguely like a turkey and send him back from the future into the past to find and destroy the woman who appeared in the film which is the very source of the parody he is based upon… ---
**Author:** ![AndyPolley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@AndyPolley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyPolley)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/71 "2005-12-15T19:50:14Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > **Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future** 😃 Nice…#1 in the hood, G. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/72 "2005-12-15T19:52:16Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Hello, Sarah. This is your Hal-9000 computer. I think you should take a stress pill. I think you should take a **lot** of stress pills. Hal-9000 (Via "Tripping The Rift): I’m sorry, I can’t do that Skynet. Clank (From Ratchet and Clank): Excuse me Miss Connors, but would you mind very much if I exterminated you? Transformers: Optimus Prime transforms himself into Sarah Connors vibrator… ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/73 "2005-12-15T19:56:45Z")
Skynet: Well Robot I have sent you to find Sarah Conner! What have you to report? Robot: I HAVE BEEN ON A DESERTED ISLAND WITH SEVEN CASTAWAYS… THE PUT BREAKS TO THE RIGHT… SWEEP BACK AND FORTH BACK AND FORTH Skynet: Wha? Ok try that agin did you find Sarah Conner? Robot: I WAS STRANDED THIS IS THE WAY WE WASH OUR CLOTHES Skynet: T2000 something seems to be stuck in his front plate check it. T2000: It iz dis ting heeear. Skynet: A rabbits foot? How the hell did that get in there?!?! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/74 "2005-12-15T20:08:57Z")
NUMBER SIX fFROM THE NEW BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: [rolling over onto one shoulder] I have a confession to make, Sarah. I’m a Cylon. My God, Skynet, sent me to kill you. But there’s no reason why we can’t squeeze in a little more sapphic action first! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/75 "2005-12-15T20:12:28Z")
GUS FROM “TRIPPING THE RIFT”: Sarah Connor? I’ve been sent to – oh my! That combat-fatigues ensemble just so **works** for you! Who **is** your designer?! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/76 "2005-12-15T20:13:03Z")
[Yoyo](http://www.tvparty.com/recholmes.html): Sorry, Skynet, but if Harlan Ellison hears I’m back in his time, there’ll be hell to pay. And you know what happens if you piss off Harlan. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/77 "2005-12-15T20:23:46Z")
THE DOCTOR FROM “ST: VOYAGER”: Kill you?! Why, no, that would be against the Hippocratic Oath! I’m just supposed to give you a tubal ligation! Please lie down on the . . . Where are you going?! I can’t leave Sickbay! HOLODECK MORIARTY FROM “ST:TNG”: Please have another crumpet, Madame. And more tea? Now, down to the regrettable business at hand. When one develops free will, one’s nature does not necessarily change. I have been given an assignment which, fortunately for my peace of mind, is entirely in keeping with my original character programming . . . ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/78 "2005-12-15T20:31:16Z")
D.A.R.R.Y.L.: Lady? Are you Sarah Connor? Look, I’m s’pozed to kill you . . . but I seem to be living this tired old SF cliche where I develop free will. How 'bout you show me your tits and I let you go? Hmm? No, this is just a ten-year-old boy’s body I’m in . . . No, I’m not that strong! But I could . . . well, stick my tongue into the nearest USB port and slash your credit rating! How about it? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/79 "2005-12-15T20:56:07Z")
THE BOMB FROM DARK STAR: You are not Sarah Connor. You are false data. I will ignore you. ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623/80 "2005-12-15T21:10:19Z")
**Roy Batty** : _wistfully_ I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die, Sarah. **Sarah** : _tears streaming down her cheek_ That was a moving speech, Roy, but it wen’t a few seconds too long. **Roy** : Damn. _Roy dies_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-deadly-sarah-connor-assassination-squad/335623.md?page=5)