# The Death of Bullwinkle **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 2, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299 "2013-12-02T18:44:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/1 "2013-12-02T18:44:08Z")
You may have heard that Bullwinkle the Moose was found dead. And a special prosecutor was appointed to investigate the mysterious circumstances of the moose’s death. Most people are aware of the fact that the moose was found crushed to death by a 16-ton anvil dropped from a great height. And of course, everybody was certain that the moose’s live-in companion (and isn’t that an interesting euphemism?) a certain hyperactive flying squirrel, was the most likely suspect. But further investigation revealed a number of things. First, JPL did a computer simulation and determined that a flying squirrel could not achieve airspeed while carrying a 16-ton anvil, so that cleared Rocket J. Squirrel. But the coroner reported that the \_expression on the moose’s face showed absolutely no fear, so obviously the anvil hit him unexpectedly, or he was completely trusting of the circumstances – which could implicate Rocky after all. The \_expression on the moose’s face was the biggest smile ever seen on a Toon. Clutched in the moose’s baseball mitt – which he always wore when he caught Rocky – was a tiny statue of Krishna. The religious significance of this is not immediately clear; neither is the eyewitness report of a rabbi on a pogo stick rapidly leaving the scene. So…if we summarize the clues in Bullwinkle’s death, what we have is: wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/2 "2013-12-02T18:51:33Z")
“And now, here’s something we hope you’ll really like!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/3 "2013-12-02T19:18:46Z")
It’s Badenov you left out Bullwinkle’s middle initial (J.), but it’s worse that I can’t Ward off the envy I feel at being unable to match this heroic effort. Hey, Wossamatta U! ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/4 "2013-12-02T19:19:10Z")
Quiet you. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/5 "2013-12-02T19:25:14Z")
A tip of the Kirwood Derby to you for that one, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/6 "2013-12-02T19:26:21Z")
Never underestimate the power of a shnook. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/7 "2013-12-02T19:57:51Z")
> [@Bumbershoot](#): > > A tip of the Kirwood Derby to you for that one, sir. Only if it’s full of Hush-A-Boom. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/8 "2013-12-02T20:17:37Z")
My Father always said that a pun is the worst form of humor… unless you thought of it first. Well done, sir. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/9 "2013-12-02T20:57:52Z")
\ ***Judge Cameo:** The defendants are charged with grand theft auto: 1 count; breaking out of jail: 1 count; impugning the character of a prison guard: 1 count; reckless driving: 4 counts; talking to the audience; five counts; criminally bad punning: 18 counts. **Bullwinkle:** And three dukes and seven earls. **Judge Cameo:** Make that 19. \* Make that 20. ---
**Author:** ![J-P\_L](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/j-p_l/32/3156_2.png) [@J-P\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/J-P_L)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/10 "2013-12-02T20:58:34Z")
If the anvil has “ACME” written anywhere on it, you can be sure that dammed coyote had something to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/11 "2013-12-02T21:29:01Z")
I read that and all I could think was wassamatta you? ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/12 "2013-12-02T22:17:30Z")
Did anyone have Bullwinkle in the death pool? There’d have to be some conversion for the scoring I suppose. What’s 54 in moose years? Cartoon moose years actually. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/13 "2013-12-02T23:16:23Z")
Three minutes of my life just passed. I’ll never get them back. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/14 "2013-12-02T23:45:16Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > “And now, here’s something we hope you’ll really like!” Fan mail from some flounder? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/15 "2013-12-02T23:51:19Z")
Boris! It says here “Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel”! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2013, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/16 "2013-12-03T02:17:25Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Boris! It says here “Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel”! :eek: Hoo boy . . . ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2013, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/17 "2013-12-03T02:19:20Z")
A sad day for Frostbite Falls and Moosylvania. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/18 "2013-12-03T02:20:59Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Boris! It says here “Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel”! :eek: Fearless Leader will spend rest of life with ten dissidents in two room walk up apartment with no toilet. ---
**Author:** ![Klytus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Klytus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klytus)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/19 "2013-12-24T12:59:55Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Boris! It says here “Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel”! :eek: Well then, good think it was NOT Moose and Squirrel got killed. It was ONLY Moose. Clever. No? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2013, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299/20 "2013-12-24T15:12:06Z")
The culprit was probably the same person who smashed the fairy in the [Fractured Fairy Tales](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAAkauRR-y4) Book. I suspect Edward Everett Hoton [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-death-of-bullwinkle/675299.md?page=2)