# The debate about inheriting your parents' wealth **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 24, 2023, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994 "2023-10-24T06:01:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/161 "2023-10-31T21:02:44Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > We’re married; anything I have, my husband has access to, and I certainly don’t expect my in-laws to mention me in their wills. Probably not actually true. Assets acquired by inheritance are legally yours and yours alone despite the fact you’re married. IIRC even in a “community property” state they are not “community property”. You can certainly take steps after you have the assets to “transmute” them into joint assets held in conjunction with your spouse. But you have no legal requirement to do so and if you don’t transmute, your will and only your will, will control what happens to them next. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/162 "2023-10-31T21:26:35Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Probably not actually true. Depends - I wouldn’t interpret that as a statement of what is legally required but as a statement of fact. My husband has access to anything I have whether it’s an inheritance from my family or my income. My mother doesn’t need to leave a separate inheritance to him because he will benefit from mine. (which is the context in which this came up) Even if I put it into a bank account in my name only, he will still benefit from it - I’m not going to use it to pay for half a vacation or half a kitchen renovation and expect him to figure out how to come up with his share. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/163 "2023-10-31T21:59:06Z")
True in my specific case, because my spouse is my sole heir and has power of attorney in case of my incapacity. Maybe not true in general terms! ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/164 "2023-10-31T22:25:13Z")
That’s exactly how it is with us! I didn’t expect to be left anything specifically, and my own mom didn’t name my husband in her will. That’s what I mean by money feeling like a stand-in for love. There is absolutely no reason for him to have named me either in his will or as a POD beneficiary, and if you’d asked me before that day, I’d have told you that it would make sense for him to just name his only surviving son. Feelings don’t always make sense. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2023, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/165 "2023-10-31T23:41:17Z")
I certainly had that same relationship with my late first wife. Everything that was either of ours was both of ours. Both practically speaking and as a matter of law. Because we took active steps to make that so. My real point was two-fold. 1. Not everyone runs their life that way. Though perhaps they should. 2. If it _is_ your intent that any inheritance you receive be shared with your spouse, you may need to take active steps to make that happen. Just assuming your spouse has legal access to inherited money in the event of your incapacitation is an assumption that _might_ come back to bite you both. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/166 "2023-11-01T12:33:21Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Assets acquired by inheritance are legally yours and yours alone despite the fact you’re married. A friend learned about this the hard way. His wife’s aunt left all her furniture to her. He rented a truck and retrieved beautiful furniture. They sold what they’d previously used. Fast forward ~20 years. His 10 and 14 year olds came home from school to an empty house. Beds gone, dressers gone, clothes left in piles. Empty living room and dining room. A sealed envelope on the kitchen counter with my friend’s name. She had hired movers to collect all of her inherited furniture. Turns out she had some kind of middle age mental crisis, and was in love with a woman at work (who quickly ended their relationship when she found out what this woman did). My friend had to rush home and talk to his hysterical kids. He ran to Sears and bought two mattresses for them to sleep on. He slept in his sleeping bag for weeks. He eventually filed for divorce, but needed a private detective to track his wife down for service. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/167 "2023-11-01T13:15:15Z")
The woman in the story is over-the-top jerkish enough that it sounds like she might have done the same thing with or without special rights to the furniture. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/168 "2023-11-01T13:33:39Z")
The weird part was she was a dear friend for 20 years before pulling that shit. I haven’t seen or spoken to her since. I’m still friends with her ex husband and his new wife. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/169 "2023-11-01T15:41:33Z")
Here’s something I just learned: Don’t leave your kids so much money that their significant other will poison them to try to get it all. > **[North Dakota woman fatally poisons boyfriend hours after he inherited $30M](https://nypost.com/2023/10/31/news/north-dakota-woman-poisons-boyfriend-hours-after-he-inherits-30m/)** > > A North Dakota woman fatally poisoned her boyfriend after learning about his plans to dump her — because he had inherited $30 million just hours earlier, police said. Ina Thea Kenoyer, 47, wa… ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/170 "2023-11-01T16:56:56Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > My parents specifically named my wife in their will because they want to make sure she inherits my share as one of the three siblings in case I pre-decease my parents. I’m not so lucky. My in-laws have their trust entirely in my wife and her siblings names. If my wife pre-deceases (never used that term before but it is fitting) her parents, I’m getting nothing, but that is fine with me. They are big into “legacy” (I am not) and they can do as they wish with their properties. We’ve “only” been married 12 years so they might still be questioning our staying power 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/171 "2023-11-01T17:40:03Z")
We don’t mention our sons-in-law in our trust, but I’m not sure how we would. Leave them equal amounts to our daughters? If a daughter predeceases us the money goes to the grandchildren anyhow, so not much of an issue. Neither family have his/her accounts so practically speaking they both get the money anyhow. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/172 "2023-11-01T18:24:41Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > If a daughter predeceases us the money goes to the grandchildren anyhow, so not much of an issue. We don’t have children (that’s why the legacy would then go to the family line). But like I said, I don’t expect it and, frankly, we don’t need it. It was just a counterpoint to those that talked about the married partners specifically being part of the inheritance. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/173 "2023-11-01T19:03:44Z")
Is this usual? I would be extremely surprised if I was in my in-laws will, and I’ve been married as long as you — 12 years (in a few days.) ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/174 "2023-11-01T19:11:21Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Is this usual? I have no idea. But others have mentioned it happening to them. Happy (early) Anniversary! 🥳 ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/175 "2023-11-01T19:12:53Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Is this usual? I would be extremely surprised if I was in my in-laws will, and I’ve been married as long as you — 12 years (in a few days.) Now that I think about it, our will divides up our estate equally our kids. We love their spouses, but they’re not mentioned in the will. It never came up when we discussed with the lawyer about what we wanted to do. Maybe we should modify that. It would be easy to say something like “if one dies before us and is married at the time, their share goes to their spouse” ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/176 "2023-11-01T19:27:32Z")
Do I have to actually die, to bequeath furniture? You mean I can leave a bunch of crap to someone, and now they are on the hook for it? Hm… Handy way to dispose of unwanted household goods?? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/177 "2023-11-01T19:36:57Z")
> [@Common\_Tater](#): > > Handy way to dispose of unwanted household goods?? Sure, but just because you have been left something through an inheritance, you are not required to accept it. The same would apply if you decided to gift a bunch of crappy household items. No one is required to accept gifts. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/178 "2023-11-01T20:54:52Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Now that I think about it, our will divides up our estate equally our kids. We love their spouses, but they’re not mentioned in the will. It never came up when we discussed with the lawyer about what we wanted to do. Maybe we should modify that. It would be easy to say something like “if one dies before us and is married at the time, their share goes to their spouse” This is what we did, after our lawyer asked some probing questions. My daughter has only been married 4 years, but they’ve been in a committed relationship for over 10 years now, and they give every indication of going the distance. If they have children and she predeceases us, he still retains control of her share of the inheritance, since we’re assuming he’ll do what’s best for him. If they were divorced, then the money goes to any grandchildren, in trust with him as the trustee. But the unmarried daughter never ends up with a smaller share just because she never married or had kids. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2023, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/179 "2023-11-01T22:53:56Z")
Order of distribution of any remaining assets when both of us have died: Our children, equally. If one of our children predeceases us, then their share would go to any of their living offspring equally. No mention of in-laws, as when the will was executed none of them were married or even old enough to marry, hell, I don’t even think our youngest child was born yet. IMHO, wills should be put in place and with language to account for potential future changes in your family without having to change the will. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2023, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994/180 "2023-11-02T16:00:13Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Now that I think about it, our will divides up our estate equally our kids. We love their spouses, but they’re not mentioned in the will. It never came up when we discussed with the lawyer about what we wanted to do. Maybe we should modify that. It would be easy to say something like “if one dies before us and is married at the time, their share goes to their spouse” Ditto. We’ve redone our trust a couple of times and this never came up. But if it had, I think we still would have had the money go to the grandkids, administered by the trust administrator of course. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-debate-about-inheriting-your-parents-wealth/991994.md?page=10)