# The Diogenes Teleplay **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 13, 2007, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241 "2007-11-13T14:55:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/121 "2007-11-14T21:51:24Z")
Some relevant viewing: [start at the bottom and work your way up](http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=hollywoodscabwriter). ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/122 "2007-11-14T23:02:55Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Some relevant viewing: [start at the bottom and work your way up](http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=hollywoodscabwriter). [/QUOTE] “It’s _FINISHED_, and that’s all you need to know.” Well **Dio** , it looks like you’ve got some ambitious little upstart trying to steal your thunder. ---
**Author:** ![Hellestal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ab097/32.png) [@Hellestal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hellestal)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2007, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/123 "2007-11-14T23:47:50Z")
[QUOTE=JThunder] Okay, so you’re now stating that what you _really_ meant is that you can do better than absolute dreck. A rather weak claim, IMO. [/quote] I seriously don’t get what you and **Elenfair** are trying to accomplish. **Diogenes** might be an egotistical dickwad. Fine. But that doesn’t excuse the continual misrepresentations of his (possibly ridiculous) position from you and **Elenfair**. His [original claim](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9157197&postcount=35) was that he could “piss a better script” than the average Til Death episode. As an award-winning writer, you must be at least passingly familiar with hyperbole. So you no doubt realize that he is not, in fact, capable of writing the script with his urine, which naturally limits his claim to being able to write better than the “absolute deck” on teevee, as you so exquisitely phrased it. But guess what? That “absolute dreck” that you’re mentioning is still **professional quality** absolute dreck. Somebody got paid for that shit, and all that **Dio** was originally claiming was that he was capable of putting out a product superior to that dreck. That he was making that claim in one of the most belligerently abrasive ways possible does not change the nature of the claim. He can do better than crap like Til Death. That’s it. That’s all he was saying. > [@JThunder](#): > > If that weak assertion was all that you truly meant (and we all know that it wasn’t), then it would have had no bearing on the issue of whether the writers were being reasonable in going on strike. In order for your comments on the competence of TV writers to have any weight – not to mention your praise of your own writing skills – you’d have to demonstrate that you can produce something that’s not just “better than absolute dreck.” Right. “We all know” that he meant something else. I don’t really care where you got your literary prize(s), but I have to insist that I see your graduation certificate from your local Psychics-R-Us campus. That **Dio** has managed to convey secret meanings entirely contrary to the words on his screen is truly a miraculous event, and we should document it here and now so that you may win Randi’s prize. In case you missed it, **Thunder** , here is [**Diogenes** ’s admission](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9157912&postcount=83) that his early complaints about the reasonableness of the writers’ strike were unfounded. I’m tempted to make a crack here about a professional writer’s apparent inability to read, but that was a long thread, and his post would’ve been easy enough to miss. Now normally, I wouldn’t want to take the side of the egotistical dickwad over the professionals, but in this case, I simply don’t have any choice. **Cervaise** has already noted that what **Dio** has set out to accomplish for himself is roughly 20% of a professional TV writer’s job. What he’s about to achieve is, in practical terms, practically nothing. And yet you are still sniping at him for things he never claimed, or claims that he has already retracted. I just. Do not. Get it. And **Elenfair** ’s little contributions have been even worse. > [@Elenfair](#): > > Well, let’s be fair here. That’s kind of weasel-like of you. What you said was: > > [Quote=Diogenes the Cynic] > > I could do it. I’ve never seen the show but the writing for most television is appalling. I could piss a better script in the snow than what I’ve seen in the average 'Til Death episode. Ok, so you’re not saying “all crap”, but you did say most television writing was appalling and that you could piss better script in the snow than in the average Til Death episode. Nice. [/quote] As soon as she looks back to his original words and figures out that the claims she attributed to him were not, in fact, the claims that he actually made, she makes no retractions. A sarcastic quip of “nice” is registered, then she blithely forgets that her previous characterizations were completely false. Probably not lies, as **Dio** claimed. In my opinion, they were more likely the result of lazy misremembering rather than outright malice. But that does not, to my mind, excuse the behavior. So now I get to the part where I have to ask: What the fuck? You guys are pros. Real writers doing real work. There are countless talentless wannabes out there who would give at least one good gonad to join your lofty ranks. And one internet asshole makes the claim to be able to write better than the worst of what’s on my fantastic far-seeing screen, and you all are so offended or whatever that you can’t even realize what he’s actually arguing? Why? You made it. Congratulations. Leave the internet assholes to their empty, vapid dreams and pat yourself on the back once again for having the fortitude, determination, and talent (and maybe luck, too) to have accomplished something that the vast majority of people (the rest of us losers) will never accomplish. Don’t waste your time on an internet asshole, or if you must, don’t argue so stupidly that the asshole turns out to be right. I mean, _ **c’mon** _ already! Show some intelligence and some damn spine. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/124 "2007-11-15T01:34:54Z")
The argument was not over his statement that he could produce a better script than absolute crap. The argument was, initially, over the concept of residuals, what writers are worth to the industry and over what writers are entitled to as far as compensation is concerned. As for seeing the arguments through… Consider it the foolishness of youth, combined with a tense situation (the strike) and trying to figure out how in hell I’m going to make ends meet if this extends into 2008. But not to worry, I’m not sitting on my ass all day – I actually have other non-writing contracts, and strike-related duties to accomplish… Lesson learned though. I’ve bowed out. Stuff to do. Things to see. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/125 "2007-11-15T01:51:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Diogenes the Cynic** > I could do it. I’ve never seen the show but the writing for most television is appalling. I could piss a better script in the snow than what I’ve seen in the average 'Til Death episode. Well, there you go. With the lack of snow in Minnesota lately and global warming, his timetable is basically…never. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/126 "2007-11-15T02:59:50Z")
[QUOTE=Justin\_Bailey] Are you serious? Go into any discussion of Second Life on any halfway literate game forum and you’ll the same joke made every time. [/quote] Do you think you could link it? Not that I doubt you, but it would be interesting to see. Anyway, if the jokes in a comedy show are mostly re-treads, I imagine it would probably be a good deal easier to write. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/127 "2007-11-15T03:27:53Z")
[QUOTE=Kendall Jackson] IRight. “We all know” that he meant something else. I don’t really care where you got your literary prize(s), but I have to insist that I see your graduation certificate from your local Psychics-R-Us campus. [/QUOTE] You act as though being a psychic is the only way that somebody’s meaning can be inferred. That’s pure nonsense, and any rational person knows it. > [@](#): > > In case you missed it, **Thunder** , here is [**Diogenes** ’s admission](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9157912&postcount=83) that his early complaints about the reasonableness of the writers’ strike were unfounded. Which still doesn’t justify this nonsensical claim that he only promised to write something that was better than “absolute dreck.” Did he later change his position? Sure… but if **Dio** claims that he only promised something that wasn’t complete garbage, then he’s not being honest with himself or with us. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2007, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/128 "2007-11-15T03:45:01Z")
[QUOTE=brazil84] Do you think you could link it? Not that I doubt you, but it would be interesting to see. [/QUOTE] Here’s the first one I found on Google [http://metaversed.com/16-aug-2007/second-rant-4-everyone-second-life-loser](http://metaversed.com/16-aug-2007/second-rant-4-everyone-second-life-loser) I’m sure going further down a search on “second life losers game” would net a bunch more. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/129 "2007-11-20T21:18:52Z")
I haven’t been keeping particularly close track of this, but when is Diogenes supposed to actually deliver his script? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/130 "2007-11-20T21:59:19Z")
[QUOTE=Indistinguishable] I haven’t been keeping particularly close track of this, but when is Diogenes supposed to actually deliver his script? [/QUOTE] I gave myself two weeks. That would make thursday my “deadline,” but sometime over the weekend might be more realistic. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/131 "2007-11-20T22:08:53Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I gave myself two weeks. That would make thursday my “deadline,” but sometime over the weekend might be more realistic. [/QUOTE] So when writers for SNL aren’t finished by deadline do they get a few more days? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/132 "2007-11-20T22:16:11Z")
Writers for SNL get paid. I have a lot to do over the next couple of days. Making this stupid point is not more important than Thanksgiving with my family. It’ll be done when I feel like it and not a moment later. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/133 "2007-11-20T22:35:02Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Writers for SNL get paid. I have a lot to do over the next couple of days. Making this stupid point is not more important than Thanksgiving with my family. It’ll be done when I feel like it and not a moment later. [/QUOTE] I was just teasing you a little. Looking back, I probably should not have said it. My post looks stupider to me now than it did at first. I have not really been following this whole fiasco and should have stayed out of it. Sorry Dio. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/134 "2007-11-20T22:39:32Z")
[QUOTE=askeptic] I was just teasing you a little. Looking back, I probably should not have said it. My post looks stupider to me now than it did at first. I have not really been following this whole fiasco and should have stayed out of it. Sorry Dio. ☹ [/QUOTE] No problem. Sorry I was so defensive. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/135 "2007-11-20T23:00:52Z")
I just want a cameo. Give me lupus or give me the clap, just make it somehow involve frottage and chili peppers. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/136 "2007-11-21T01:14:39Z")
[QUOTE=El Cid Viscoso] I just want a cameo. Give me lupus or give me the clap, just make it somehow involve frottage and chili peppers. [/QUOTE] It’s never lupus. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/137 "2007-11-21T01:40:39Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] Making this stupid point is not more important than Thanksgiving with my family. [/QUOTE] Which, incidentally, is the lesson House learns in the episode.\ ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/138 "2007-11-21T02:26:19Z")
[QUOTE=El Cid Viscoso] … just make it somehow involve frottage and chili peppers. [/QUOTE] Death by genital blistering? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/139 "2007-11-21T03:15:07Z")
[QUOTE=Nutty Bunny] It’s never lupus. [/QUOTE] Dammit, now I’ll get screwed out of my residuals. What’s worse, my balls feel like a pair of maracas. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241/140 "2007-11-21T03:42:41Z")
We should have known because they never diagnosed it. Anyway, I think the lupus meme is overplayed on the Internet. It’s “autoimmune” that they diagnose every single episode. I don’t even know if that’s a real thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-diogenes-teleplay/426241.md?page=8)