# The Doper Relationships Primer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361 "2001-09-23T18:15:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/41 "2001-09-24T19:13:56Z")
Yep, I’m an old fart. (spitting tobacco juice and missing the spittoon) And, as a Father of Daughters, ALL of my support for impetuousness left me, oh, about sixteen years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/42 "2001-09-24T19:27:16Z")
I can only shrug again. What, exactly, are we doing that’s so impetuous? It’s been almost a year, I’m still in Chi, he’s still in Oz, we’re hoping to see each other in January. It’s not like we’ve got bridesmaids picked out. I’m hoping it isn’t meant this way, but I thought this was supposed to be a Tell Me About Your Relationship thread, not a Let Me Condescend To Your Relationship thread. ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/43 "2001-09-24T19:28:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > \*\*… even breast fed a few of them. \*\* You’re using the past tense here? 😕 😉 ---
**Author:** ![caircair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@caircair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caircair)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/44 "2001-09-24T19:34:08Z")
I know he’s wanted to keep it a secret, but now seems as good a time as any to let the cat out of the bag. Joaquim Matilda and I are married. (June 3, 2000, and as happy as they come.) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/45 "2001-09-24T19:35:06Z")
::walks into thread, looks around:: ::embarrased pause:: Oh dear. I thought this was a thread about how to _start_ a relationship with another Doper. Sorry. Congratulations, all, and may you be happy. 🙂 :🍃: ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/46 "2001-09-24T19:36:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\* > I’m hoping it isn’t meant this way, but I thought this was supposed to be a Tell Me About Your Relationship thread, not a Let Me Condescend To Your Relationship thread. \*\* I’m sure it wasn’t meant that way on my part when I agreed. It’s just something I could never do, it doesn’t mean I look down on anyone who does. stoid ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/47 "2001-09-24T19:44:10Z")
I’m married to **Pepper Mill**. We met, were married, and had MilliCal long before we found the SDMB. I’ve corrupted Pepper by introducing her to the Board, which is now her second or third most time-wasting activity on the computer (after Mah-Jongg and e-mail). The only other Doper I knew from pre-SDMB days is **KevinLeeC** , who doesn’t seem to post much anymore. We’re Straight Dope fans from way back, having discovered it simultaneously. I’ve since met several Dopers over the SDMB, correspondence, and at two of the Boston get-togethers. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/48 "2001-09-24T20:18:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > > \*\* I, however, doubt very highly that New Boyfriend will ever be a Doper._\* > > **Ginger** , you OBVIOUSLY need a **NEW** New Boyfriend! The line forms right behind ME! \*\* You see? This is _exactly_ why there are Doper relationships [sub][sup]except in this case…[/sup][/sub] ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/49 "2001-09-24T20:53:32Z")
I’m shocked that we haven’t been graced by either of the halves of what _must_ be, without a doubt, hands down and all that, the cutest Doper couple. Ever. You minions can only hope to bask in their presence and try- yet always fail- to live up to their adorable example. Where are **Simetra** and **Serendipity**? =) -BK ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/50 "2001-09-24T20:58:31Z")
A newcomer to this board, **JustPlainBryan** has been my other half for just over three years. He finally came around to the SDMB side after attending a Dopefest with me and realized that there were some interesting folks 'round these parts. Even though we did not meet online, we would not have met if it were not for the existence of AOL. A mutual friend from a Digital City Los Angeles chat room threw a party, and had invited the both of us. We met that night and we’ve been a couple ever since. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/51 "2001-09-24T20:59:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > [sub][sup]except in this case…[/sup][/sub] \*\* **UncleBill** digs a hole, gets in, and covers it up back over himself. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/52 "2001-09-24T21:27:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\*not a Let Me Condescend To Your Relationship thread. \*\* Ow! Point taken! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/53 "2001-09-24T21:47:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bobkitty \* > \*\*Where are **Simetra** and **Serendipity**? > \*\* I’m here (putting off doing my homework), but Stephen’s probably on his way to work right about now. So rather than hearing him talk about our relationship in a poetic and awe-inspiring way, y’all have to deal with my ineloquence. 🙂 **Simetra** and **Serendipity** : _The Condensed Version_ Once upon a time in a thread called [The “I have a crush” thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=51300), Stephen said, “Just a sorta random thought, all of Serendipity’s posts catch my eye, but she has a crush on someone else. I just think she’s super sweet though, and thought here would be a great place to say that.” (Of course, he also admitted that he had a crush on another Doper who was not named. I still occassionally give him a hard time about that. ;)) I was having a rough time, and seeing that post made me so incredibly happy. I wrote an e-mail thanking Stephen for giving me a reason to smile. He wrote me back, and soon we were e-mailing each other daily. Daily e-mails turned into daily AIM conversations which turned into daily phone conversations. A bunch of stuff happened in there, but it’s private, so I shan’t get into it. We fell in love with one another and decided that a piddly little thing like the thousand-odd miles between us couldn’t keep us apart. He came to visit me for the first time in late April 2001… Sorry, I was lost in some happy memories… Anyway, since then, he’s met my family/friends and I’ve met his. He charmed my family completely; I vomited copiously in the presence of his. (You’ve gotta love kidney infections.)… I love him more than anything, and I am the luckiest person ever to have him. He is my best friend, my only love, my truest passion, my everything… and I get to see him in just 12 days. Yay! 😃 That’s what’s keeping me sane this week – knowing that I’ll be in his arms in less than two weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/54 "2001-09-24T22:26:26Z")
No worries, **Stoid and drop**. Check out the Craptacular Day thread, change “day” to “year” and you’ll know why I’m so snippy. 🙂 I apologize for getting my back up. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/55 "2001-09-24T23:12:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nymysys \* > \*\*I’m hoping it isn’t meant this way, but I thought this was supposed to be a Tell Me About Your Relationship thread, not a Let Me Condescend To Your Relationship thread. \*\* As the first person to use the term “impetuous” to describe a LDR doper relationship, I feel sorta responsible for the turn this thread has taken. Plus, as someone who is in one of these relationships, but sees how others might see them as impetuous, I wanted to add my $.02: When I look at the facts of my relationship with Rick, it looks sorta crazy and impetuous. We have spent about 25 days together, I am much older than he is, and we live on different continents. Yikes. We share a language (well, sort of), but our cultures are different. On the other hand, we have communicated for several hours a day for 8 months–and that is every day with very few exceptions and then only when one of us was out of town. We have told each other things that neither of us had shared with anyone. We have been unflinchingly honest. By the time Rick and I met in person about 2 months after meeting online, I knew him better than I had known men I had dated for many months (well, except for the physical side of things, and we took care of that in short order. 🙂 ). I guess my point is that although LDR relationships may look impetuous when all you know are the bare facts, they don’t feel that way to the people involved. Aside from the visa question I would argue that they are probably not any more impetuous than other relationships when you know the details as only one of the people involved can know them. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/56 "2001-09-24T23:31:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by UncleBill \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > > [sub][sup]except in this case…[/sup][/sub] \*\* > > **UncleBill** digs a hole, gets in, and covers it up back over himself. \*\* Awwwwwwww, honey, you know it’s only because of the cat. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2001, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/57 "2001-09-24T23:36:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brynda \* > **As the first person to use the term “impetuous” …** DAMMIT! I’m the one who sounded judgemental, although I so TOTALLY lack judgement that it shouldn’t count. 😉 **Nym** , **dpr** , good friends, to me taking a year to make a decision IS impetuous! I start shopping for my next car shortly after buying one because the “old” one will be worn out by the time I decide what I want. I am SO sorry for hurting your feelings AND for hijacking the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/58 "2001-09-25T04:00:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Not me. But I there’s one or two I wouldn’t mind giving it a try with. Who are they? The bitches. I’ll scratch their eyes out. 😃 [sub]sorry about that.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/59 "2001-09-25T04:07:45Z")
:eek: Well, you never call, you never write, you don’t send flowers… A girl has needs! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2001, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361/60 "2001-09-25T04:34:51Z")
Check your email, **Arden.** 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-doper-relationships-primer/83361.md?page=4)