# The dreaded man hug **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 26, 2022, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566 "2022-11-26T04:15:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mglambo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@mglambo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mglambo)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/1 "2022-11-26T04:15:21Z")
Thanksgiving brought the horror of the man hug into full focus yesterday. So what does everyone do? You’re at a gathering ( I identify as a male) and other men are present. You know some of them real well and others not so much. A not do much ---
**Author:** ![superwombat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superwombat/32/16616_2.png) [@superwombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/superwombat)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/2 "2022-11-26T04:25:09Z")
Man hug those deserving of it, handshake where appropriate, smile and nod to friends of friends etc ---
**Author:** ![Mortimus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mortimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mortimus)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/3 "2022-11-26T04:29:36Z")
There are certain situations that require hugs be given freely regardless of the gender of the hugger and huggee. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/4 "2022-11-26T04:33:46Z")
I’ll hug anyone, even people I deplore. It’s an assertion of the worthwhileness, and hence huggability, of anyone, no matter what they’ve warped themselves into or what they’ve done. I’m on board with that. The shittiest human beings possible were shaped into that and inside they are horribly lonely and miserable. Hugging them won’t fix that. They’ll still be shitty human beings, perhaps 18 seconds later. (Yeah, and??) ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/5 "2022-11-26T11:45:40Z")
As most of my friends are also chess-players, we shake hands. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/6 "2022-11-26T11:52:55Z")
I guess you are also not a big cheek-kisser? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/7 "2022-11-26T12:04:51Z")
I recall being internally semi-horrified when a male co-worker, who was leaving our workplace, came in for a hug. Other males in the group verbally resisted. This was 30 years ago. These days I’ll hug anyone if the situation is appropriate, and I’ll often initiate it when the other party seems uncertain. mmm ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/8 "2022-11-26T13:37:01Z")
My husband always hugged his dad hello and goodbye when we went for a visit. Now, he hugs the boychik (who is currently 16 and 5’11) a lot. Or, actually, sometimes the boychik initiates. The boychik is very affectionate with us for a teenager, albeit, not in front of his friends-- he will hug me in front of his friends, but that’s it. I’m sure if his grandfather were alive, he’d hug him. He hasn’t seen my stepfather in several years because of COVID, but he will hug him as well. I think it’s a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2022, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/9 "2022-11-26T13:53:39Z")
There should be no reason to dread a man hug among friends and family, but there is also no need for a two-hands behing the back embrace, either. Lead with the handshake, and if you get pulled in closer, keep hold of that hand and reach around with the other hand for a back-pat. If you want to avoid all that, lead with the elbow or fist bump. Hugs are rare for me so if one comes along from someone I know, I’m taking it. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/10 "2022-11-28T01:04:09Z")
I give all people I care about big, tight hugs. I’ve known, for example, HB for over 20 years. He is like a brother. We hug when we see eachother. ETA I am actually MORE likely to hug other men than I am to hug women. Even a woman I know may view a hug as intrusive or suspect I have other motives. ---
**Author:** ![TheCuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thecuse/32/2854_2.png) [@TheCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheCuse)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/11 "2022-11-28T01:09:42Z")
I am not a hugger. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/12 "2022-11-28T01:33:19Z")
Gotta say I might be the same. If that Leo Buscaglia cretin had ever gotten near me… ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/13 "2022-11-28T01:35:50Z")
To be honest, I don’t know how to answer this exactly. I mean, I’m fine with a hug. Dry hump me for all I care. But I generally can tell which to go in for a hug and which for a handshake. It’s subconscious, to be honest. I don’t think about it; I don’t really give a shit. If for some reason I guess wrong (can’t remember it ever happening), no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/14 "2022-11-28T01:45:49Z")
Cringing away from contact with another heterosexual man is a symptom (not an expression) of toxic masculinity. Hugs are great! Hugs all around! Hugs for everybody comfortable with a hug! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/15 "2022-11-28T03:15:59Z")
Hugs for everyone. Life’s too short not to. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/16 "2022-11-28T03:18:35Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > If that Leo Buscaglia cretin had ever gotten near me… May I be the first to say 🤮 ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/17 "2022-11-28T03:38:06Z")
My son likes to grab me in a bear hug and thump me in the back three times, chanting “I’m. Not. Gay.” ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/18 "2022-11-28T17:14:47Z")
> [@TheCuse](#): > > I am not a hugger. Same. Except for my wife. She can hug me whenever she wants. They rest of you…not interested. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/19 "2022-11-28T18:12:38Z")
I’m not a hugger. I don’t even like shaking hands. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2022, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566/20 "2022-11-28T18:16:03Z")
I assumed that this thread would be about the way men hug each other, which is often different than how others hug. That’s what I know as the “man hug.” It’s usually more like a bear hug and more strong. Or it can be that sort of chest bump thing. Personally, I mostly just try to do hugs. But if someone seems like they might be uncomfortable, I can add some of that flavor to it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dreaded-man-hug/975566.md?page=2)