# The Duelling Sonnets Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 1, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808 "2001-10-01T19:05:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mysphyt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@Mysphyt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mysphyt)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808/1 "2001-10-01T19:05:38Z")
Hey, Doper poets. I know you’re out there. So here’s the deal: we’re plopped in the middle of an argument between lovers. Tricky part is, the whole thing happens in [sonnets.](http://newark.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Terms/sonnet.html) Style, rhyme, meter is up to you. I’ll start it off; you tell me what happens next. * * * Ah, love, you have the beauty of the sea, in face, in form, in figure not unlike that moocow of the deep, the manatee, most sizeable of all beyond the dike. And yet, at times you are a silverback, replete with hair and lacking much in grace, and always fully ready to attack when I some worthless trinket do misplace. In you, all animalia combines to form abomination so complete, a poor conglomeration of designs that nature would be proud to call a ‘freak.’ ## But I, despite revulsion, you embrace— just leave the paper bag upon your face. So what happens next? It’s up to you. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808/2 "2001-10-01T20:01:15Z")
My love, you do me wrong, it seems with these insults you allow. Never, even in my dreams, would I insult YOUR noble brow! Indeed I love your majestic mien, your handsome rounded face. A cushion has your body been, when you smother me with your embrace. So, my love, kiss me please, press your lips to mine. although your whiskers make me sneeze, and your breath smells like turpentine. Indeed, my dear, I love you, although sometimes I feel that I could love you more if I weren’t reminded of a seal. ---
**Author:** ![caircair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@caircair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caircair)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808/3 "2001-10-01T21:49:30Z")
Dear friend, if such a friend you are to me, I fear your worth’s not in your poetry. A SONNET, love, has rhythm with its rhyme, A certain tempo one can beat to time. Yours, dearest pet, while poetry it may be Is not a SONNET, as it seems to me. A SONNET, if you’d check the meaning plain Is 14 lines that rhyme to rhythm’ed strain Of Iambic Pentameter, to come “da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum” If you need it spelled out. As I believe You must. But I will grant you this reprieve, Just try again, remembering what I’ve writ, Otherwise for your words I care no bit! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2001, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808/4 "2001-10-01T22:31:20Z")
Carcair, I must disagree Not all sonnets beat that time Go back over your poetry What makes a sonnet is a rhyme Shakespeare has spoiled you, I’m afraid with his Iambic Pentameter But, of such things are not all sonnets made as you can see if you look [here.](http://newark.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Terms/sonnet.html) In tetrameter did Hardy write and do you know what’s worse? (Not that I want to start a fight) Milton’s sonnets were in blank verse. That is my defense, my friend and with that, I do now end. ---
**Author:** ![upperdeckfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/65b543/32.png) [@upperdeckfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/upperdeckfan)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808/5 "2001-10-02T00:48:59Z")
I’ve signed aboard and have obtained My much missed straight dope cookie My bet would be on Captain’s word If I only knew a bookie In keeping with the OP’s post I’d like to add another But now it seems I’ve altered the theme By not using the voice of a lover Lovers naught to insult more At the OP I’ve had a looksie To win this battle in a lover’s quarrel: Deny your mate some nookie The post doth state that we are plopped in the midst of quarelling lovers To carry this theme in sonnet form will take the will of others ---
**Author:** ![JadedNaive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/59ef9b/32.png) [@JadedNaive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JadedNaive)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2001, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-duelling-sonnets-thread/84808/6 "2001-10-04T03:03:38Z")
My love for you is not unlike a creek: it’s shallow, rocky, and given to drought. My overwhelming lust can make me weak, but then I waken to your piglike snout. While I do not wish to seem a snobbish prude, your table manners don’t befit a goat. Your conversation always is so crude. You daily drool enough to fill a moat. Of prowess great you often boast and brag, but your girth and skill have got to be a joke. My dearest, though I do not mean to nag, the cost of dildos almost runs me broke. But life with you can truly be a dream, for knowing you improves my self-esteem.