# The dumb questions thread.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [September 28, 2001, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378 "2001-09-28T20:17:46Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/1 "2001-09-28T20:17:46Z")
I’ll bet you’ve all heard the old cliche that “There’s no such thing as a dumb question”.
It’s demonstrably false.
For example:
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If all the Chinese people in the world parked on a driveway all at once, would they be able to tell us what the third word that ends with “gry” is?
\*
Or
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Do jumbo shrimp know why the word ‘dictionary’ is in the dictionary?
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Or
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If cows laughed and milk came out their noses, would their noses run and their feet smell?
\*
Fenris
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### Author:  [@dalovindj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalovindj)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/2 "2001-09-28T20:53:44Z")
One time recently a bartender friend of mine was wearing a bright orange Slice (the beverage) shirt at work. Tacky as hell, but this particular friend has “tacky” as a major part of his style and he does fine with the ladies so I can’t argue with him. He makes it work. This shirt is so bright and ugly it is unmissable the minute you walk in the room.
Some guy walked up to him and said “Are you the guy in the Slice shirt?”
DaLovin’ Dj
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### Author:  [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/3 "2001-09-28T21:28:05Z")
Here’s one - “Is there anyone more witty or clever than **Fenris**?”
I mean, really… 😉
Esprix
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### Author:  [@Slip\_Mahoney](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slip_Mahoney)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/4 "2001-09-28T21:29:02Z")
How do I apply for a job as an editor for a skywriting company?
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### Author:  [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/5 "2001-09-28T21:33:49Z")
There is a women in here in office who is D-U-M-B, whiny, and an all around pain in the ass for the rest of us. The day before yesterday, she made it a point to tell each and every one of us that she had the shits non stop (just what I didn’t need to know).
She comes in yesterday and makes the rounds to each and every person (again) and says (in this whiny, suffering, I’m-going-to-die-any-second voice) “Do you have any Jel-looooooooooo? My doctor said that I should stick to liquids until my diarrheeeeeeeeea clears up and if I don’t find some Jel-loooooooo, I won’t get to have any lunch.”
Then she puts on her I’m-so-weak-I-may-faint face.
Me - “WELL HELL, girl! Lemme look in my pocket. What flavor would you like? Would you like that molded or cubed?” Then I laughed my ass off.
She wasn’t amused.
WTF is THAT about? Did she honestly think we all carry Jello? Why didn’t she bring her own from home or find something else? Criminy!
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### Author:  [@Kathleen\_de\_Trelare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kathleen_de_Trelare)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/6 "2001-09-28T23:32:13Z")
What I don’t understand is why people continue to ask me the same dumb question every single day of my life?
The thing is I have realllllllllllllllly long hair.(I know, I know, too many l’s) I’ve never cut it in my life, so that kinda gives you an idea what I’m talking about. Everytime I step into a public place, especially restrooms, people come up to me and start touching my hair. Then, they tell me, as if I didn’t already know, “You have really long hair.” I’m almost a grown-up. I can handle it. I can politely answer impertinent questions like “How long has it been since you last cut it?” from total strangers without it bothering all that much. However, there is one question that always annoys me and I have never understood. Are you ready? It’s going to be rough.
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HOW DO YOU WASH ALL THAT HAIR?
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How does a semi-sane person politely answer a question like that? The obvious answer to all who are interested is,“with shampoo,conditioner, and yes,sometimes even water.”
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### Author:  [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)
#### Post date: [September 28, 2001, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/7 "2001-09-28T23:43:04Z")
[Grant’s Farm](http://www.grantsfarm.com/) is in St. Louis County. While driving passed it one day, my friend Mike said, “I’ve never been there. I heard it used to belong to a President. You know which one?”
I just stared at him for about a minute before it dawned on him.
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### Author:  [@KP235](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP235)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/8 "2001-09-29T00:19:45Z")
What’s a dumb question?
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### Author:  [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/9 "2001-09-29T00:38:37Z")
Hot enough for ya ?
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### Author:  [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/10 "2001-09-29T00:49:45Z")
Are you gonna eat that?
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### Author:  [@Amazing\_Magic-Gro\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazing_Magic-Gro_Monster)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/11 "2001-09-29T01:03:52Z")
In the park near my house there’s a sign reading:
“ **NO MOTORIZED VEHICLES OR HORSES** ”
… so does that mean I can ride a horse there as long as it isn’t motorized?
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### Author:  [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/12 "2001-09-29T01:05:59Z")
“Who won the American Revolutionary War?”
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### Author:  [@Chas.E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chas.E)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/13 "2001-09-29T01:24:55Z")
Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb? (note that this is a trick question, bonus points if you know the real answer)
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### Author:  [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/14 "2001-09-29T01:33:20Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb? (note that this is a trick question, bonus points if you know the real answer)
[No one.](http://www.theinsider.com/nyc/attractions/2general.htm)
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### Author:  [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/15 "2001-09-29T03:12:49Z")
Not a dumb question but a dumb statement:
I trip and someone says “Be careful”.
After the fact.
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### Author:  [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/16 "2001-09-29T04:08:44Z")
Why is this called the dumb questions thread?
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### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/17 "2001-09-29T04:12:39Z")
::touches button marked “don’t touch”::
Hey, what’s this for?
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### Author:  [@atypicalcarl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atypicalcarl)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/18 "2001-09-29T04:16:19Z")
If I ask an incredibly dumb question, do you promise not to laugh?
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### Author:  [@King\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/King_Rat)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/19 "2001-09-29T04:38:11Z")
When I worked at Blockbuster and I’m wearing a Blockbuster shirt and a Blockbuster nametag and a big button on my shirt advertising a Blockbuster promotion:
“Excuse me, do you work here?”
Note that I understand that sometimes people mean “do yo work in this particular area.” I’m not talking about that.
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### Author:  [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)
#### Post date: [September 29, 2001, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumb-questions-thread/84378/20 "2001-09-29T04:47:42Z")
If **pro** is _for_ and **con** is _against_, is Congress against the wall?
If you lead a horse to water, can you make him wash the dishes?
How many roads must a man walk down before he sings off-key?
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