# The Dumbest Joke in the World, and I can't stop laughing **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2002, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805 "2002-04-04T16:51:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/61 "2002-04-05T14:37:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*Freddy Frog wants to buy a new car so he goes into the bank to apply for a loan. The loan officer, Patricia Black, asks him how much he wants to borrow. > > “Ten grand.” > > “Ten grand? That’s a lot for a frog, don’t you think? What could you possibly have for collateral?” > > Freddy takes a glass unicorn out of his little frog pocket and puts it on the table. > > Ms. Black frowns. “You want to use a glass unicorn for collateral?” > > “Yes.” > > “You’re kidding.” > > “No, I’m not.” > > “I can’t accept this as collateral, Mr. Frog.” > > “Why not?” > > “Because it’s worthless.” > > “Indeed it is not. It’s an antique.” > > They proceed to argue back and forth for ten minutes and it gets more and more heated. > > Overhearing the conversation, the bank President sticks his head in the door and shouts, “That’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan!” \*\* I’ve heard this joke with the frogs name being Kermit Jagger. So the end bit goes: “That’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/62 "2002-04-05T14:55:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by orion007 \* > \*\*So these two penguins were sitting in a tub \*\* Are there chemicals involved in getting this joke or am I just stupid? ---
**Author:** ![easy\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb8c5e/32.png) [@easy\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/easy_e)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/63 "2002-04-05T15:16:23Z")
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh How do elephants hide in cherry trees? They paint their toenails red. How do you fit 4 giraffes in a Volkswagon? Two in the front, two in the pack. ---
**Author:** ![Castaldi\_of\_the\_Mazzharat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Castaldi\_of\_the\_Mazzharat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Castaldi_of_the_Mazzharat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/64 "2002-04-05T15:29:18Z")
**These three must be spoken aloud:** Mushroom walks into a bar, bartender says, “Hey, we don’t allow your kind in here!” Mushroom says, “Hey, why not, I’m a fun guy.” Two peanuts walk into an alley. One of them was assaulted. A string walks into a bar, bartender says, “We don’t serve strings in here!” String goes outside, twists himself up, messes up his hair, and comes back in. Bartender says, “Aren’t you that same string I just kicked out?” String says, “Fraid’ not.” **Then there’s this one:** Duck walks into a bar, says to the bartender, “Got any grapes?” Bartender says, “No, we only have beer and liquor, no grapes.” so the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes back, says, “Got any grapes?” Bartender says, “NO, we only have beer and liquor, like I said.” And the duck leaves again. Next day the duck walks in, says, “Got any grapes?” Bartender says, “You ask me that one more freakin’ time, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar!” Duck comes back the next day, says, “Got any nails?” Bartender screams, “NO I DON’T HAVE ANY NAILS!” Duck says, “Got any grapes?” ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/65 "2002-04-05T15:32:29Z")
Why did the farmer get an award? 'Cause he was out standing in his field. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/66 "2002-04-05T15:43:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\* > > Are there chemicals involved in getting this joke or am I just stupid? \*\* Eleven. Here’s one: A woman from Texas was taking her first flight in an airplane, She asked the woman from Boston seated next to her, “Hay! Where are you from?” The blue-haired lady glared at this Southern Hick, and coldly said, “A preposition is a word with which you should never end a sentence.” The Texas woman said, “OK, where are you from, Bitch?” ---
**Author:** ![meezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9c0ed/32.png) [@meezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/meezer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/67 "2002-04-05T15:57:09Z")
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the steps? Matt. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the bushes? Russell. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/68 "2002-04-05T16:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*Freddy Frog wants to buy a new car so he goes into the bank to apply for a loan. The loan officer, Patricia Black, asks him how much he wants to borrow… \*\* I heard a version of this one, but the frog was trying to prove that he was Mick Jaggers pet… “That’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone!” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/69 "2002-04-05T16:06:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Synnic \* > \*\* > > I heard a version of this one, but the frog was trying to prove that he was Mick Jaggers pet… > > “That’s a knick-knack, Patty Black, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone!” > 🙂 \*\* Beat you to it 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/70 "2002-04-05T16:13:00Z")
hmmm, I know thousands of crap jokes… lets see… Some may not be in the best possible taste… but none of you know where I live! 😉 Why did the hedgehog cross the road? - To see his flat mate! What is Paul McCartney having for Christmas this year? - Turkey, at long last! What goes “click, click, click, Is that it? click, click, click, Is that it?”? - Stevie Wonder doing a Rubick’s Cube! What have Freddie Mercury & Ayrton Senna got in common? - They both died with blood on their helmets! (oooh, dear, sorry!) How many Punks does it take to change a lightblub? - Two, one to change the bulb, the other to kick the chair out from underhim. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightblub? - A Fish How many women with PMT does it take to change a lighblub? - **IT JUST DOES!** And, finally… This guys walks down the street, and sees a friend of his that he hasn’t seen for a while. His friend only has one arm… They start chatting and the one armed guy mentions that he’s just on his way to change a lightblub. His friend is concerned “Are you sure you’ll be able to do that?” he asks. “Sure” says the one-handed guy “I’ve got the receipt!” Boom Boom! _sigh_ I think I’ll go to the pub now… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/71 "2002-04-05T16:14:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silentgoldfish \* > \*\* > Beat you to it 😃 \*\* Oh poo! ☹ No fair, I was distracted, by, erm… nevermind. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ewdlorr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@Ewdlorr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ewdlorr)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/72 "2002-04-05T16:20:03Z")
_Knock-knock_ Who’s there? _Interrupting cow._ Interruptin– _MOO_ This, we all know. But the geek version: _Knock-knock_ Who’s there? _Interrupting coefficient of friction._ Interruptin– _Mu!_ * * * A couple more: What’s Mary short for? She’s got no legs. A polar bear walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a large orange juice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . on the rocks.” The bartender served the juice and said, “Here it is, but why the big pause?” “I don’t know,” the polar bear replied. “I’ve always had them.” Q:Whats funnier than a dead baby? A:A dead baby in a clown suit. What’s green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table. What’s red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. ## What’s blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise. I love bad jokes. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Castaldi\_of\_the\_Mazzharat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Castaldi\_of\_the\_Mazzharat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Castaldi_of_the_Mazzharat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/73 "2002-04-05T16:20:43Z")
What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? Both their balls are for decoration only! Why does divorce cost so much? Because it’s worth it! Why do women call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken! (I’m gonna get reamed for that, sorry, really). Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls to scratch! _cough_ Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/74 "2002-04-05T16:35:49Z")
… and of course you’ve all heard about the baby fur seal that would drink anything but a Canadian Club on the rocks… ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/75 "2002-04-05T16:36:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by meezer \* > \*\*What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? > Art. > > What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? > Bob. > > What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the steps? > Matt. > > What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the bushes? > Russell. \*\* What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs trapped under a car? Jack. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs stuffed into a mailbox? Bill. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the stands at a baseball game? Frank. What do you call a GIRL with no arms and no legs propped up against the wall? Eileen. What do you call a **Chinese** girl with no arms and no legs propped up against the wall? Irene. ---
**Author:** ![Toaster52](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/50afbb/32.png) [@Toaster52](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toaster52)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/76 "2002-04-05T16:42:47Z")
LOVE THIS THREAD!!! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with two legs? _Lean_beef. Geez, never though I’d use those in intelligent conversation!! Oh, wait… ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/77 "2002-04-05T16:43:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by easy e \* > \*\*How do you fit 4 giraffes in a Volkswagon? > > Two in the front, two in the pack. \*\* And how do you fit 5 giraffes in a Volkswagen? Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment. BTW, that boomerang/stick joke is my all-time favorite stupid joke. ---
**Author:** ![Zhen\_ka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zhen\_ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zhen_ka)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/78 "2002-04-05T17:00:02Z")
Here goes: This one used to crack up my ex. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Joe. Joe who? Joe mama! From my niece: Why was the baby strawberry so upset? Because his mama was in a jam. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he was feeling crummy! heh. ---
**Author:** ![Toaster52](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/50afbb/32.png) [@Toaster52](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toaster52)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/79 "2002-04-05T17:06:32Z")
thought, that is…_sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![St.Urho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8e7dd6/32.png) [@St.Urho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St.Urho)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805/80 "2002-04-05T17:29:49Z")
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs lying in a whole? Phil [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-joke-in-the-world-and-i-cant-stop-laughing/101805.md?page=5)