# The dumbest marital argument ever. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 8, 2016, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317 "2016-09-08T02:36:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/1 "2016-09-08T02:36:32Z")
When a man reaches a certain age and level of disposable income, he acquires some itches that need to be scratched. I came up with what I felt was a fairly reasonable solution to this very common problem, but my wife didn’t react well at all, so I thought I’d bring this question to a bunch of random strangers on the internet. The poll: ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/2 "2016-09-08T02:40:01Z")
Yeah, that was probably a good place to stop. The donkeys aren’t going to be nearly as expensive as horses, but they’ll be at least as useless, unless you have a heard of cattle or sheep to protect. Or to put it another way, as the man in marital disputes (in the traditional male-female structure), if you lose, you lose, and if you win, you lose. Either way, you lose. It just goes with the territory. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/3 "2016-09-08T02:42:21Z")
I voted donkeys, but I’ve actually petitioned the wifey for a herd of miniature gazelles for the cats to hunt. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/4 "2016-09-08T02:54:02Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Yeah, that was probably a good place to stop. The donkeys aren’t going to be nearly as expensive as horses, but they’ll be at least as useless, unless you have a heard of cattle or sheep to protect. > > Or to put it another way, as the man in marital disputes (in the traditional male-female structure), if you lose, you lose, and if you win, you lose. Either way, you lose. It just goes with the territory. > > Stranger Have I ever told you how much I appreciate you? From strategic nuclear weapons to marital advice, you’ve got it all. Maybe it comes from the same place. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/5 "2016-09-08T03:03:38Z")
I voted donkeys. Not sure why donkeys, but, hey, whatever makes you happy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/6 "2016-09-08T03:03:38Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > From strategic nuclear weapons to marital advice, you’ve got it all. Maybe it comes from the same place. He is right but it is really just all MAD doctrine. Same principles applied in different ways. Most men that I know just ignore that and get the motorcycle anyway. The worst that can happen is you kill yourself. I don’t like motorcycles that much myself though. I would be all about those asses. You don’t have to overdo it though. A few would be plenty. If she still won’t listen, offer a compromise and get a herd of [fainting goats instead](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg). ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/7 "2016-09-08T03:05:49Z")
I couldn’t vote for any of these. Next time, include either a “none of the above” or “peach pie with ice cream” option. (Yummm! Peach pie!) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/8 "2016-09-08T03:24:35Z")
Well, whatever you do, don’t get your options mixed up. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/9 "2016-09-08T03:47:29Z")
I’m feeling validated by all the donkey feedback right now. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/10 "2016-09-08T03:50:57Z")
Those aren’t miniature donkeys… they’re dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/11 "2016-09-08T03:55:18Z")
> [@HMS\_Irruncible](#): > > Have I ever told you how much I appreciate you? From strategic nuclear weapons to marital advice, you’ve got it all. Maybe it comes from the same place. It comes from a place of very deep cynicism about life, politics, and relationships. I’d write a book to rival Wallace’s _Infinite Jest_ but it would be the end of me, and possibly civilization as we know it. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/12 "2016-09-08T03:56:47Z")
Go with the mini-donkeys. One of my neighbors raises and sells them as pets. They’re nice little animals. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/13 "2016-09-08T04:22:11Z")
I’d pick German Shepherds over donkeys if I were you. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/14 "2016-09-08T04:22:43Z")
Yeah, I vote donkeys. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/15 "2016-09-08T04:32:25Z")
Compromise: get miniature mules instead. She might be concerned that they’ll multiply, and your hobby will become a full time job obsession, so do your best to assure her that you’ll stop at 15. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/16 "2016-09-08T04:37:17Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > Compromise: get miniature mules instead. She might be concerned that they’ll multiply, and your hobby will become a full time job obsession, so do your best to assure her that you’ll stop at 15. That’s why you let the cats hunt them. Then you can sit back and watch Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom from your patio. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/17 "2016-09-08T04:39:34Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > It comes from a place of very deep cynicism about life, politics, and relationships. I’d write a book to rival Wallace’s _Infinite Jest_ but it would be the end of me, and possibly civilization as we know it. I think _Infinite Jest_ is aplenty for one civilization. If you’re planning on taking a huge shit, take a look at _[The Instructions](https://www.amazon.com/Instructions-Adam-Levin/dp/1936365162/)_. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/18 "2016-09-08T04:41:07Z")
The motorcycle feedback is surprising. Ultimately it’s infeasable because I’m kind of a pussy about spinal injuries. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/19 "2016-09-08T04:54:20Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > That’s why you let the cats hunt them. Then you can sit back and watch Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom from your patio. When I was a kid I once convinced the “annoying kids from down the street who always popped by randomly” that our cat was a miniature black panther. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2016, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317/20 "2016-09-08T04:58:06Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > When I was a kid I once convinced the “annoying kids from down the street who always popped by randomly” that our cat was a miniature black panther. That’s fucking awesome. I have a black cat. I mean, panther… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-dumbest-marital-argument-ever/765317.md?page=2)