# The ex-slacker superhero and the priority of life problem. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2014, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307 "2014-08-11T15:24:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/1 "2014-08-11T15:24:51Z")
After saving the world but losing the girl in [this thread,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=17437442) Bob X–the erstwhile slacker with the powers of John Byrne’s Superman–decided to get organized about superheroing. That means hiring a support staff: lawyers, investigators, technical advisors, etc. You’ve taken a job with this crew as a shift leader. Your duties include sorting through distress calls–ensuring planes about to crash get prioritized over ferries about to sink, deciding whether a sinking ferry is more urgent than an erupting volcano, and so forth. You and Bob have gotten to be best friends. As our story opens, a hapless oceanographer has awakened a gigantic, flame-spitting dragon that had been sleeping in the Caspian Sea since Hector was a pup. Said wyrm has reached the mainland, laid down the smack on the Iranian army, and is now flying toward Tehran with murderous intent. An hour ago, you summoned Bob from a lunar research mission; he’ll intercept the dragon about sixty seconds before it’s projected to reach Tehran. You’ve used the last hour to work out a strategy for the battle, and while you’re confident that Bob _can_ win, he’ll have to bring his A game. Just then you get another distress call. “Bobby, help!” a teenage girl says in a panicked whisper. “Some psycho’s shooting up the school! He’s coming this way! Hurry!” The terrified caller is **Lynn** , the thirteen-year-old daughter of Penelope, whose life Bob failed to save in the linked thread; Bob adopted her after her mother’s death, five years back. (That’s why he’s no longer a slacker; now he’s the superhero _daddy_.) Bob loves Lynn more than superheroing, more than ice cream, more than breathing. Ordinarily (and uniquely) her calls go straight to him, but as he began the day on Luna, everything’s being routed to your desk. In two seconds you confirm that there have been shots fired at her school; the police are five minutes away. A quick calculation tells you, at Bob’s maximum atmospheric velocity, rushing to Lynn’s rescue will give the dragon at least ten minutes uninterrupted rampaging time. Now you’ve seen Bob in sadistic choice situations before. A year earlier, he postponed the rescue of a Steve Fossett-type daredevil to save his boyfriend from a mugging; as a result of the delay, the millionaire playboy and two of his companions got eaten by sharks. Bob _might_ choose differently in this situation, but you wouldn’t bet on it. Whatever decision he makes, you know he’ll be stricken–maybe overwhelmed–with guilt. Lynn’s on the line, crying. You can hear automatic weapons fire in the background; it seems to be getting closer. You can contact Bob with the press of a button. Do you send him to her rescue, or wait until he’s slain the dragon and hope she survives without him? ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/2 "2014-08-11T16:39:46Z")
I vote to let Bob know that his kid’s in distress, both because fatherly obligations trump philantrophic ones and because, if Lynn dies, Bobby-boy might hang up the cape, which sounds like a bad thing all the way 'round. (If the wyrm were about to devastate London, rather than Tehran, I admit I’d have a harder time making the choice.) But, since the dragon’s only going to get about 10 minutes ramapaging time in Tehran, I’m okay with it. **Skald** , I’m pretty busy this morning. Will you please make the tiramisu and 'port it to me? Yes, my pad in ON! ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/3 "2014-08-11T16:53:46Z")
I voted to let Bob know that Lynn’s in danger. I agree fatherly obligations outweigh philanthropic ones. I also voted: I object to the assumption that Bob MUST kill the dragon. Everyone knows dragons are an endangered species:smack: Also may I have lemon cake in place of tiramisu?🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/4 "2014-08-11T18:00:23Z")
> [@jayrey](#): > > I vote to let Bob know that his kid’s in distress, both because fatherly obligations trump philantrophic ones and because, if Lynn dies, Bobby-boy might hang up the cape, which sounds like a bad thing all the way 'round. (If the wyrm were about to devastate London, rather than Tehran, I admit I’d have a harder time making the choice.) But, since the dragon’s only going to get about 10 minutes ramapaging time in Tehran, I’m okay with it. Are you looking over my shoulder? I actually wrote “London” and “Stonehenge” at first, then changed it to “Tehran” and “Caspian Sea.” > [@](#): > > **Skald** , I’m pretty busy this morning. Will you please make the tiramisu and 'port it to me? Yes, my pad in ON! Sure, but you have to promise not to drink coffee while eating it. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/5 "2014-08-11T18:04:17Z")
Super heroes are glorified, but ultimately, the critical part of the story is the sacrifice of the hero or, more often, the sacrifice of those he loves. I wouldn’t blame him for wanting to save Lynn more than wanting to save a bunch of random people, but in immortal words of Spock, the needs of the many out-weigh the needs of the few. He might be able to save her, but with shots going on the in the background, she could possibly die before he could even make it. Further, even if it’s a large school, the maximum number of deaths is nothing next to the number of people that will die if a giant kaiju runs rampant in a major city for 10 minutes. Worse yet, if he’s going to need his A game, even if he does save her first, chances are he’ll be thoroughly distracted, and who knows if he’d be able to win then and how many more lives would be lost. Now, sure, there’s the risk that she’ll get injured or killed, but at the same time, how would he feel later when he realizes he just traded 50k lives for hers. How would she feel that she’s only alive because that many other people died? What about a supervillain who knows that he’d be willing to trade that many lives for her, what he could then do if he captured her. Basically, even if he does save her life, she’s in for a tough road, probably facing multiple other scenarios like this in the near future, and that the timing is coincidental now will likely be the exception rather than the rule. As his friend, it’s my obligation to help him to the right decision, and that means doing the most good, keeping him free from distraction and sending him to the kaiju, then letting him know after. If that means I’d take the blame for it, well, it’s what would have to happen. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/6 "2014-08-11T18:20:30Z")
I let Bob know about the call, but not to do with fatherly duties or anything. Bob’s a big boy, right? He’s entitled to make decisions about who to save and when. I’m perfectly happy to do the grunt work and help him prioritize, but at the end of the day, it’s not really my decision who he goes and saves or when. If this was a generic low-priority call, then I might make the decision for him, but clearly it’s not generic and it’s not low-priority. The more interesting question is what Bob should do after I tell him, but that is ultimately Bob’s choice. I’m sorry that Bob might be stricken by guilt if he has to make the tough choice, but I think it’s probably fair to say that the guilt may be misplaced. No one can be expected to take responsibility for everything and everyone; we can only do our best. So, as Bob’s friend, I’m thinking I’ll also set him up an appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/7 "2014-08-11T18:28:46Z")
Fuck Tehran. Buzzards gotta eat, same as wyrms. I’ll send Bob to save the school. And why the Hell am I a mere shift leader, when I should be general counsel and groupie auditioner? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/8 "2014-08-11T18:35:13Z")
Heck, Iran can call on Israel for help if they really need it. They’ve got the Bomb, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/9 "2014-08-11T18:57:28Z")
Yes, I tell him. Partly because Bob only accepted his role as a superhero due to a similar crisis, and I suspect another could jar him back out of it. That’s a long-term net loss that will outweigh the harm done in 10 minutes of kaiju rampage. More than that, though, it’s because–as stated in the OP–he’s my best friend, and _he would want me to tell him_. That’s implicit in the fact that he’s arranged for Lynn’s calls to go straight to him whenever possible. He has already chosen to be the one who makes this decision, and I’m not going to take that away from him. Whatever he decides, later on, I’ll buy the booze and let him talk about it, tell him what he needs to hear, and help him pick up the pieces. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/10 "2014-08-11T19:45:57Z")
The girl is more important. Family always outweighs strangers, even if one dislikes one’s family. Not much point in having family, otherwise. The Iranians will roll with it; they generally do. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/11 "2014-08-11T20:01:12Z")
Hell, I’d nuke Tehran myself if it would save one of my sons. ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/12 "2014-08-11T20:10:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Are you looking over my shoulder? I actually wrote “London” and “Stonehenge” at first, then changed it to “Tehran” and “Caspian Sea.” > > Great minds, great minds. 🆒 > > Sure, but you have to promise not to drink coffee while eating it. Hmm. Okay, it’s afternoon now. What’s the best drink to enjoy with my tiramisu? ---
**Author:** ![magnusblitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@magnusblitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magnusblitz)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/13 "2014-08-11T20:36:03Z")
I let Bob know. He’s the one with the superpowers… the decision should be his to make (not to mention he might not only give up the cape, but also beat me into paste if his daughter dies and he finds out I didn’t tell him). Also, I work for him… unless my job specifically empowers me to make decisions for Bob without telling him, I’d assume the job would require me to at least let him know. Also, if I were in Bob’s shoes, I’d want to know. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/14 "2014-08-11T20:37:25Z")
It’s not my decision to make. I give bob the full story, and tell him I’ll support whatever choice he makes. Also, Russia has nukes. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/15 "2014-08-11T20:43:37Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > It’s not my decision to make. I give bob the full story, and tell him I’ll support whatever choice he makes. > Also, Russia has nukes. This. The poll isn’t well enough crafted. I need a choice between 3 and 4 on the list of checkboxes. I do not hold that “Fatherly obligations outweighs philanthropic ones.” Instead, I hold that Bob has a right to full information so he can make his choice with full information. I do not whithold information from him. But I definitely do not give him information on the basis of one ideological value having precedence over another. Bad poll, **Skald the Rhymer**! I can’t vote in it! ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/16 "2014-08-11T20:52:37Z")
It is a fine poll. The choice you want is at post position 6. “I tell Bob about the distress call because \.” I think Bob should deal with the Wyrm first, needs of the many, but it’s his call to make. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/17 "2014-08-11T21:06:11Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > I let Bob know about the call, but not to do with fatherly duties or anything. > > Bob’s a big boy, right? He’s entitled to make decisions about who to save and when. I’m perfectly happy to do the grunt work and help him prioritize, but at the end of the day, it’s not really my decision who he goes and saves or when. Sure it is. The OP specifically says your duty to prioritize distress calls, though it’s probably implicit that Lynn takes priority over anything short of a giant meteoroid. > [@](#): > > The more interesting question is what Bob should do after I tell him, but that is ultimately Bob’s choice. Please don’t be insulted, but I hate the “more interesting question” thing. And it doesn’t really apply here. It’s obvious that Bob would choose to save his kid. > [@jayrey](#): > > Hmm. Okay, it’s afternoon now. What’s the best drink to enjoy with my tiramisu? 😕 [Armagnac](http://nymag.com/restaurants/articles/wine/sommelier/armagnac.htm). I’m almost sure we covered this last time. > [@Oakminster](#): > > Fuck Tehran. Buzzards gotta eat, same as wyrms. I’ll send Bob to save the school. I suspect the school’s incidental to Bob. > [@](#): > > And why the Hell am I a mere shift leader, when I should be general counsel and groupie auditioner? Did you miss where Bob sacrificed the billionnaire playboy for his BOYFRIEND? Besides, Bob’s a dad now, and a full-time hero; you think he has time for groupies. Anyway, I suspect there’s lawyerly work involved in being a shift leader. If nothing else, you’re probably having to tell various government agencies to go fuck themselves in the most diplomatic terms possible. That said, I changed my mind about what hypothetical-you-should do after writing the OP. _As Bob’s friend_, you have to bite the bullet and keep Lynn’s mayday to yourself. Bob’s gonna have to fight the dragon today anyway, your own analysis says he’s gonna have to be on top of his game to beat it. He’s minutes away from Lynn; odds are good that, if the gunman actually is approaching her, Bob will get there to late. He’ll heat-vision the gunman, of course, but then he has to fight the dragon while either emotionally compromised. Not conducive to bringing the A game. Moreover, in the unlikely event Bob made the Spockian choice, it’s likely to do lasting damage to his relationship with Lynn if she survives the smaller-scale rampage. Nope. Neither your job nor your friendship will survive the decision, but your last act as Bob’s buddy has to be to take the burden for him so he doesn’t get himself killed or estranged from his kid. > [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > How would [Lynn] feel that she’s only alive because [50 K] people died? What about a supervillain who knows that he’d be willing to trade that many lives for her, what he could then do if he captured her. Lynn’s going to feel that her dad loves her more than he loves anybody else, which is not a bad thing. A supervillain’s going to conclude that the resident demigod, who LACKS a code against killing, is going to heat-vision anybody who even looks at Lynn funny, and decide, “You know something? Let’s leave Bob and his kid alone. If we gotta blackmail somebody into doing assassinations for us, let’s go after that vampire slayer and her sister.” That said, this: > [@](#): > > As his friend, it’s my obligation to help him to the right decision, and that means doing the most good, keeping him free from distraction and sending him to the kaiju, then letting him know after. If that means I’d take the blame for it, well, it’s what would have to happen. is the right choice, though at a minimum it leads to being fired as soon as he fiinds out. > [@magnusblitz](#): > > I let Bob know. He’s the one with the superpowers… the decision should be his to make (not to mention he might not only give up the cape, but also beat me into paste if his daughter dies and he finds out I didn’t tell him). Also, I work for him… unless my job specifically empowers me to make decisions for Bob without telling him, I’d assume the job would require me to at least let him know. > > Also, if I were in Bob’s shoes, I’d want to know. _Might_ beat you into paste? _Might_? > [@Trinopus](#): > > Bad poll, **Skald the Rhymer**! I can’t vote in it! Good SDMB polls always leave out options. Otherwise there’s nothing to argue about in the thread. I left out the “I don’t have the right to make Bob’s decisions” option on purpose. Also, I don’t think there’s even the possibility for a conversation with Bob. As soon as you say, “Mass shooting at Lynn’s school, she’s hiding from the shooter who’s still on the loose,” he’s headed there. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/18 "2014-08-11T21:15:41Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I suspect the school’s incidental to Bob. Perhaps, but I get bonus points for riffing on one of the best lines from one of the best guy movies ever made. > [@](#): > > Did you miss where Bob sacrificed the billionnaire playboy for his BOYFRIEND? Besides, Bob’s a dad now, and a full-time hero; you think he has time for groupies. Bah. There are plenty of women that think they can convert him. Is it my fault if none of them pass the audition? Even after multiple call-backs for the more talented/enthusiastic ones? And no, Bob’s not saving Tehran. You forget I still have the key to your secret lair, and full access the the resources of Rhymer Enterprises. If one of the dragons got loose, let it eat before we recapture it, and divert the savings to more hookerbots. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/19 "2014-08-12T00:26:44Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > It is a fine poll. The choice you want is at post position 6. “I tell Bob about the distress call because \.” You’re absolutely right! I apologize to **Skald the Rhymer**. (And I went back and voted.) Thank you! > [@](#): > > I think Bob should deal with the Wyrm first, needs of the many, but it’s his call to make. Total agreement. Our job, in the hypothetical, is to do the very best we can to make his job as optimized as possible…but I don’t always know what his values are. Now, maybe, just maybe, Bob has already talked this over with us, and given us guidelines. “Don’t bother me with small stuff when the big stuff is happening.” In that case, fine, I follow his directions. Maybe Bob has said, “Use your own judgement; I trust you.” Hm! I’m not entirely sure I trust myself, but, on that basis, I would not tell him, because I think he doesn’t need the distraction. But without that explicit statement of implicit trust…I tell him, so he can make up his own mind. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307/20 "2014-08-12T00:57:33Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Sure it is. The OP specifically says your duty to prioritize distress calls, though it’s probably implicit that Lynn takes priority over anything short of a giant meteoroid. > > Please don’t be insulted, but I hate the “more interesting question” thing. And it doesn’t really apply here. It’s obvious that Bob would choose to save his kid. I know that the OP says I’m prioritizing the calls. I don’t read that to mean I make the final choice over what he does. In my mind, prioritizing means weeding out cats stuck in trees and convenience store robberies in favor of dragons and school shootings. I don’t see the job of prioritizing to be making a final choice. If I’m in the role of prioritizer, Bob’s getting the top three options or so. As to the second part, if it’s so obvious that Bob would save his kid, then that tells me that this is a priority call. That simple. Dragons in Tehran or not, it’s not my job in this scenario to tell Bob what to do, it’s to prioritize his options so that he can efficiently make choices. I’m like a fancy version of Google. Imagine what you’d think of Google if you typed in “Best hamburger in USA” and Google responded with “Maybe you should go to Jenny Craig, lard-ass.” Time for a new search engine, right? Even if it’s _right_, it failed to do the correct job. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-slacker-superhero-and-the-priority-of-life-problem/695307.md?page=2)