# The ex & the new guy making out in front of me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249 "2009-05-04T03:32:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/61 "2009-05-14T15:00:57Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > Man, everything was going great. I hadn’t communicated with her in a week. I’ve been loving it up in Seattle. Then all of a sudden I start getting weird (incomprehensible, but in her incomprehensible voice) voicemails on my phone, and then a text message just saying “die”. Totally ruined my birthday. Damn. Maybe she was agreeing with you. Is she German? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/62 "2009-05-14T15:14:38Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > **fusoya** , I know from experience that you’re torn between feeding the troll by telling her how bad she is and cutting her off completely. The former makes you feel better, the latter actually ends up in a more favorable position. I suggest balancing the two by writing an old-fashioned letter and mailing it to her with no return address. That way, you get the satisfaction of knowing she got her comeuppance and you don’t have to hear from her. You get to talk for a million pages (instead of a 2 sentence text message) and you don’t have to hear from her ever again. She knows where he lives. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/63 "2009-05-14T15:24:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Maybe she was agreeing with you. Is she German? By saying “the”? (Sorry, just wondering if there is a German usage I’m missing.) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/64 "2009-05-14T15:43:27Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > By saying “the”? (Sorry, just wondering if there is a German usage I’m missing.) No, I misremembered the _Simpsons_ quote (and am embarrassed that I didn’t stop to think about it). ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/65 "2009-05-14T15:55:18Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > No, I misremembered the _Simpsons_ quote (and am embarrassed that I didn’t stop to think about it). Ah, “The Bart The.” Classic. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/66 "2009-05-14T15:59:51Z")
> [@Red\_Skeezix](#): > > One way to get over it is to not attempt to remain friends after the relationship is over. I think that the frequent communication will be a constant source of stirring up unresolved feelings and issues about your relationship. If you give it 6 months or a year or a couple of years, you might be able to resume a friendship, or you both may have changed significantly enough that you no longer desire a friendship from the other. If you ignore this advice, don’t be surprised if you find yourself pining over her, or one day just cut off because some men strongly discourage their girlfriends maintaining friendships with exes. Great advice. People don’t have to break up with undue rancor and vitriol, but that doesn’t mean you go to the opposite extreme and try to stay close hang-out-all-the-time friends. You really need true separation and time. Your well-being should be far, far more important to you than her desire to remain “friends”. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/67 "2009-05-14T19:48:24Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > **fusoya** , I know from experience that you’re torn between feeding the troll by telling her how bad she is and cutting her off completely. The former makes you feel better, the latter actually ends up in a more favorable position. I suggest balancing the two by writing an old-fashioned letter and mailing it to her with no return address. That way, you get the satisfaction of knowing she got her comeuppance and you don’t have to hear from her. You get to talk for a million pages (instead of a 2 sentence text message) and you don’t have to hear from her ever again. Even better, write a long detailed letter, full of vitriol and passion. Then tear it up or delete it. Satisfaction without feeding the troll (and you save the money on a stamp!). (WARNING: If you do this on the computer, don’t do it as an e-mail that could be accidentally sent. Use a plain text editor). Really, if you want her out of your head, the only way to do that is to find something else to put in it. Doesn’t have to be another GF, just something rewarding you enjoy. Because there is no interaction with her – even sending anonymous letters – that will realistically get her out of your head. Living well really is the best revenge. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/68 "2009-05-15T02:09:36Z")
The bf was definitely initiating all of the PDAing that I saw. I just couldn’t believe she was actually going along with it. I also have a feeling that HE got ahold of her phone in other to fuck with me. Sending txts that say “die” just isn’t her style. And yes, she’s German. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/69 "2009-05-15T02:18:15Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > The bf was definitely initiating all of the PDAing OOOOOHHHH!!! I may be on to something. I _thought_ it was wierd that she said she didn’t know how to “react to the situation”. It could be that you’ve got a man-battle going on here. If this is the case, perhaps you shouldn’t sever all ties. She may be unaware of it all together and it’s just the guy that’s screwing with you. Can you elaborate at all, even a little, on what the incomprehensible voicemails were? Was she upset, angry, or confused? I suppose you could just text her back and say “Did you really just say that to me?” and see what she says. That’s not really feeding the troll as you’re not responding with any emotion. Hell, you could flat out ask- Did Jesse send this text or you?- but I think that might give her a scapegoat if she did send it. Either way, I declare myself the winner of this thread. Awesome call, **CS** , awesome call. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/70 "2009-05-15T02:19:12Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > **fusoya** , I know from experience that you’re torn between feeding the troll by telling her how bad she is and cutting her off completely. The former makes you feel better, the latter actually ends up in a more favorable position. I suggest balancing the two by writing an old-fashioned letter and mailing it to her with no return address. That way, you get the satisfaction of knowing she got her comeuppance and you don’t have to hear from her. You get to talk for a million pages (instead of a 2 sentence text message) and you don’t have to hear from her ever again. Whatever you do, do NOT do this. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/71 "2009-05-15T03:06:23Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > I suppose you could just text her back and say “Did you really just say that to me?” and see what she says. That’s not really feeding the troll as you’re not responding with any emotion. Hell, you could flat out ask- Did Jesse send this text or you?- but I think that might give her a scapegoat if she did send it. Don’t do this either. Just walk away. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/72 "2009-05-15T20:18:26Z")
I agree with **Rubystreak**. This is RL trolling. Just ignore it. Do not feed it. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/73 "2009-05-16T03:03:52Z")
It was just incomprehensible babbling on those voicemails, something she IS known for. However, after listening to it again, I think it was Jesse doing an impersonation of her, since the voice was a bit too deep. I sent her the message which Chessic Sense suggested last night, and a couple hours ago I got a response saying “Sorry about that I am removing your number from my phone so he does not do it again”. That 6 months thing is starting to sound pretty good right now. Especially since I’m about to go out on a double date with a girl who works at Microsoft. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/74 "2009-05-16T17:36:26Z")
Oooh! Hook a brother up… a new trackball at company store prices would be awesome 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/75 "2009-05-17T03:55:40Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > I sent her the message which Chessic Sense suggested last night, and a couple hours ago I got a response saying “Sorry about that I am removing your number from my phone so he does not do it again”. Which just goes to show that she’s a weirdo. If my boyrfriend started leaving weird messages for my ex (especially ‘die’) pretending to be me, he’d be kicked to the kerb. I wouldn’t just go ‘_Oh, dear, guess I’d better remove your number so he doesn’t do it again_’. What happens if her bf decides he doesn’t like her father? Is dad suddenly going to get messages saying ‘_I hate you and I hope you die_’? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/76 "2009-05-17T16:22:40Z")
As **Bites When Provoked** said, this just makes her weird in a wholly different way. Assuming it \*was \*the new boyfriend and she’s not just using your text as a convenient excuse, she’s fucking crazy not to get rid of that ass as soon as possible. ---
**Author:** ![fusoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@fusoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fusoya)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2009, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249/77 "2009-06-01T14:20:10Z")
I finally had a realization about her the other day. Tina has gradually molded into the type of person I don’t think I would even ENJOY being around anymore. It’s not just her boyfriend, it’s also the new attitudes and outlooks she has been picking up on over the last couple of months - it’s no wonder that we spent most of our time arguing the last couple of times we got together. I also realized that I think that SHE was the cause of most of my depression and inactivity over the last 3 years (including during the “good” times of our relationship). Purging her from my life has actually drastically improved mine, and I’m not even going to look back. Forget 6 months. This chapter of my life is CLOSED FOREVER. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ex-the-new-guy-making-out-in-front-of-me/495249.md?page=3)