# The execution of Jesus-what could have been. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 7, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955 "2016-11-07T15:20:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2016, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/61 "2016-11-09T21:59:50Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > So that got me thinking how much more fun Christian imagery would be if that was the execution method for Jesus instead of being crucified. Would Christians wear little pouches around their necks containing animal and Jesus figurines? Hang big sacks full of stuffed animals on the walls of churches? Now we have people reinacting being nailed to a cross (some times tied, some times really nailed.) Imagine the dedication of animal river sack reenacters! > > Any other ideas about the modern culture in this alternate timeline? Hmmmm. What if they condemned him to die fighting in an arena? Or just be eaten by lions? If the former, would they wear miniature swords around their neck? If the latter, would the sign they make be opening the mouth as wide as possible and then snapping the jaws shut? ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2016, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/62 "2016-11-10T01:45:54Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > We are used to the cross in the west due to long familiarity. Even people like me who have never been Christians are used to it. But in one sense it is quite an absurd symbol. Wondering what symbols would have been used for other means of death is pretty interesting. > And this is hardly the only thread which turned into jokes. Or do you think threads involving religion should be immune from being jokified? Yes, but if it’s ONLY jokes it stops being interesting for non-jokers to participate. No thread should be immune from jokification, but it reduces its information value. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2016, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/63 "2016-11-10T03:33:23Z")
There was a scenario in an old humoristic angels & demons themed RPG where a bunch of Christian skinheads went through a time machine to save Jesus from The Jews and have a good time with him. If the players don’t find them in time the skinheads eventually do find Jesus (and lynch Judas, which doesn’t change history since in the “real” timeline he hung himself anyway), but they quickly grow annoyed with his peace & love persona and his piss & moaning that he was _supposed_ to get crucified. So they get good and drunk, then drown him. Flash forward to the present and every cathedral sports a big aquarium, and Christians have little vials of water hanging from their necks 🙂 That said, when you think about it it _is_ weird that the cross would become such a prominent Christian symbol. As Bill Hicks would quip, when Jesus comes back do you think he’d \*\*want \*\*to see a fucking cross ? 🙂 [QUOTE=Aji de Gallina] It’s a good question, though. Many martyrs have very gruesome imagenry as their “official” symbol. [/QUOTE] Indeed, and then again some cross over from the gory into the hilarious. I forget which one it is, but at least one saint was beheaded and supposedly his head remained conscious for some time. So he’s typically represented as carrying his own head. Which presented an amusing dilemma for artists : where does the saintly halo go : where the head used to be, or where it is now ? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2016, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/64 "2016-11-10T13:21:10Z")
> [@Memnon](#): > > Ah, I see. So, like, if Jesus had been bummed to death by a horse à la Catherine the Great, would Catholics do the sign of the Gangnam Style? That kind of thing. Yeah, that’s not dickish at all… I like the part where you invented an opinion, you stated it, and then you called the OP a dick for the existence of the opinion. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2016, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/65 "2016-11-10T16:12:29Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > What a great idea for a movie!! Since no one else responded, I hope this was a clever comment on “Last Temptation Of Christ”. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2016, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/66 "2016-11-10T17:40:29Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > So he’s typically represented as carrying his own head. Which presented an amusing dilemma for artists : where does the saintly halo go : where the head used to be, or where it is now ? 😃 That’s St Denis, the patron of our local church. We have a number of mosaics depicting his life; I will have to check if a halo is included in the one where he is carrying his head! ---
**Author:** ![Pedro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pedro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pedro)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2016, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/67 "2016-11-10T18:05:14Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > What’s the point a thread like this? > > To get real answers from the intended people, e.g. me? > > To get the circle-jerk and congratulating each other as to how stupid the “other guys” are and make silly jokes? Before **tomndebb** got his panties in a wad it was an interesting alt timeline thread. But that works for me too, ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/68 "2016-11-13T21:21:41Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > That’s St Denis, the patron of our local church. We have a number of mosaics depicting his life; I will have to check if a halo is included in the one where he is carrying his head! Checked today – St Denis is holding his head and a circular-as-you-look-straight-at-it halo is sitting on his shoulders where his head would have been. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/69 "2016-11-14T03:33:19Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Hmmmm. … would the sign they make be opening the mouth as wide as possible and then snapping the jaws shut? That would be funny too 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/70 "2016-11-14T03:36:13Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > That’s St Denis, the patron of our local church. We have a number of mosaics depicting his life; I will have to check if a halo is included in the one where he is carrying his head! Good thing they didn’t botch it, or he’d be Nearly Headless Nick :smack: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/71 "2016-11-14T04:07:56Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > There was a comedian - I forget who - who speculated how it would be if Jesus had died slipping on a bar of soap in the shower. Instead of making the sign of the cross, people would whirl their arms around wildly while making “whoo-whoo-whhhooooooops” sounds. He also thought that instead of crucifixes around their necks, Christians would wear Soap On A Rope. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2016, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955/72 "2016-11-14T10:33:58Z")
IIRC Kate Elliot’s _Crown of Stars_ series took place in a lazy alt not-quite-Europe that feature a Messiah who was executed on a wheel. The church symbol was a circle. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-execution-of-jesus-what-could-have-been/770955.md?page=3)