# The farmer who fucked a thousand cows **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 27, 2001, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162 "2001-09-27T18:36:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/1 "2001-09-27T18:36:31Z")
BSE has arrived in Japan. Actually, it probably arrived several years ago, but the first case didn’t appear until just this month. A dairy farmer in Chiba reported that one of his cows was staggering and showing signs of BSE infection. The animal was killed and brain tissue samples were sent to the Agriculture Ministry, which announced that the cow was indeed infected with BSE. Up to this point, the story is merely unfortunate. To be suitable material for a Pit rant, we need to add some abject stupidity or small-minded evil. Here goes: The dairy farmer, perhaps feeling he was due more than the compensation provided by the government and his insurance company, decided to recoup some of his losses by selling the carcass to a rendering plant where it was ground into cattle feed and shipped to other farms around the country. The feed distributor stopped some of the shipments when they found out where the carcass had come from, but they can’t account for where the rest of it was sent. Meanwhile, the Health and Agriculture ministries are standing around with their thumbs up their asses saying to each other, “it’s not our problem, it’s yours.” Congratulations, you money-grubbing little sludgewit. You have, all by yourself, quite possibly fucked over the entire Japanese cattle industry, all for the price of single cow carcass. I hope it was worth it. As for the rest of the folks involved in this, I really can’t help laughing at you. For years, you’ve been trying to block food imports by spreading scare stories of how foreign food is so dangerous for Japanese people (for example, that Japanese intestines are much longer than non-Japanese ones, so foreign-grown rice will cause severe digestion problems). Now, thanks to your complacency, your incompetence and your disorganization, the major restaurant chains are all scrambling to reassure the public that they do not now, nor will they ever use Japanese beef. I applaud you on a job well done. –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![ninja\_rydr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8491ac/32.png) [@ninja\_rydr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninja_rydr)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/2 "2001-09-27T18:41:34Z")
Yeah but do you know why they call it “Mad Cow Disease”? Because P.M.S. was already taken. ---
**Author:** ![ninja\_rydr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8491ac/32.png) [@ninja\_rydr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninja_rydr)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/3 "2001-09-27T18:44:21Z")
Yeah but do you know why they call it “Mad Cow Disease”? Because P.M.S. was already taken. Your rant was very mild D+, very good title though A- ---
**Author:** ![ninja\_rydr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8491ac/32.png) [@ninja\_rydr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninja_rydr)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/4 "2001-09-27T18:44:35Z")
Yeah but do you know why they call it “Mad Cow Disease”? Because P.M.S. was already taken. ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/5 "2001-09-27T18:46:46Z")
That joke’s not funny enough to be posted once, let alone three times. ---
**Author:** ![ninja\_rydr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8491ac/32.png) [@ninja\_rydr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninja_rydr)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/6 "2001-09-27T18:52:23Z")
BAAAAAHHH WTF!!! could a Mod please remove the duplicate posts. :slaps himself in the head: ---
**Author:** ![bernse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@bernse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bernse)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/7 "2001-09-27T18:59:01Z")
Am I the only one that thought it was going to be a beastiality thread? Damn. ---
**Author:** ![johnboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e47c2d/32.png) [@johnboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnboy)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/8 "2001-09-27T19:00:27Z")
Sublight, your post title got me all worked up. I envisioned some redneck farmer trying to set a cow copulating record! ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/9 "2001-09-27T19:06:58Z")
I thought it was the title of a new Disney movie. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/10 "2001-09-27T19:13:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bernse \* > \*\*Am I the only one that thought it was going to be a beastiality thread? > > Damn. \*\* caught me, too! what a gyp! ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/11 "2001-09-27T19:13:51Z")
So I guess the price per pound of Kobe beef is going to go down this year? MMMM, yakiniku! ---
**Author:** ![apotheosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ba8739/32.png) [@apotheosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apotheosis)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/12 "2001-09-27T19:14:33Z")
I, too, was looking forward to some seriously deviant behavior. Alas, I’ll have to settle for posting a semi-humorous [link](http://www.joecartoon.com/buddies/cow.html) instead. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/13 "2001-09-27T19:31:20Z")
And I thought Scylla had changed his name. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/14 "2001-09-27T19:41:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gatopescado \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by bernse \* > > \*\*Am I the only one that thought it was going to be a beastiality thread? > > > > Damn. \*\* > > caught me, too! what a gyp! \*\* Same here and the further you got into the story the more incredulous it became about what he was about to do. First he’s gonna f_ck a 1000 cows. Then he’s gonna f_ck a 1000 dead cows. Aaarrgh. Then half of Japan’s gonna eat said f\*cked cows. Double Aaargh. Thanks from the bottom of my bottom sublight for the clarification. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/15 "2001-09-27T19:50:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*So I guess the price per pound of Kobe beef is going to go down this year? MMMM, yakiniku! \*\* Aaaah! **gobear** , I haven’t had yakiniku in years…you just brought back all sorts of good memories! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tokiwoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@Tokiwoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokiwoki)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/16 "2001-09-27T19:59:43Z")
**The farmer who fucked a thousand cows…** must have been an aggie. I’ve heard they like sheep too. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/17 "2001-09-27T20:49:18Z")
Yeah, the closer you get to College Station, the more sheep you see backed up to the fence. Butt I digress. ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/18 "2001-09-27T21:52:43Z")
apotheosis, great link! MOOOOOO-oooooooo… i’m a cow! ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/19 "2001-09-27T22:03:47Z")
Artificial insemination is a standard method for breeding dairy cattle. Dairy cows have to have calves in order to give milk (lactate). It is pretty dangerous to keep your own bull. My grandfather, hard headed old Dutchman that he was, could never remember the term. I distinctly remember him turning to my uncle at a family Sunday dinner and asking: “Bill, did you call the . . . the what-do-you-call-him, . . . the cow fucker?” Quieted the table conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2001, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162/20 "2001-09-27T22:17:28Z")
I too thought it was going to be a thread about human/cow relations, maybe a variant of a joke I heard about a pig farmer. A farmer decided he wanted to raise pigs, but, after acquiring the stock, couldn’t understand why all the pigs did was lay around in the pen. They seemed to have no interest in breeding. So he went to the vet to ask about it, and the vet said if the hogs weren’t getting it one maybe he should try artificial insemination. Farmer didn’t want to admit he didn’t know what that was, but after going home and thinking about it decided that it might mean HE had to …umm…perform, as it were. So he loaded the pigs up in his truck, took them into the wooods where they would be unobserved, and did his duty. But still nothing. So he tried again, thinking once might not have been enough. Still, all the pigs did was lay around in the pigpen. One day he is in the house and his wife comes home from shopping. He calls out, “Honey, are the pigs still just laying around?” She looks outside, and says “No, but they ARE in your pickup, honking the horn!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-farmer-who-fucked-a-thousand-cows/84162.md?page=2)