# The Final Rant **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 20, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180 "2003-06-20T15:20:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/1 "2003-06-20T15:20:27Z")
I will be leaving my job today (which I often ranted about), turning my computer off for the last time, typing up thank you letters for the LAST time, answering the damn phone and ‘finding true spectrums’ for my boss for the last time… and I will be without my computer (or rather internet access) for months and months (or at least until the middle of August) And I no doubt will be angry. I will still be angry with impatient, jaunty, ridiculous cell phone chatting mothers that insist on RUNNING WITH A GOD DAMN STROLLER ACROSS A BUSY STREET, AGAINST A YELLOW LIGHT. What in the name of God is so important that you must risk the life of your six month old to cross the street 2 minutes earlier? I will still be angry with Antonio Alfonseca, and Sammy Sosa, and the White Sox in general, and Mancow, and the Green Bay Packers. I will still Hate Al Fucking Davis and hope he trips over his gaudy, glittery eyeglass chain into a pile of fresh and fly ridden horse poop. I will try to refrain from yelling “HEY YOU KIDS…GET OUT OF MY YARD” even though since I’ve moved to the new condo I’ve had three kickballs hit my window and have been the unwily victim of “DING DONG DITCH” twice. I will still grind my teeth angrily when someone says “He choked her to death” instead of “He strangled her to death”. Hear me now and understand: \*\*UNLESS THE MURDERER CLIMBED INSIDE THE WOMAN’S WINDPIPE AND BLOCKED IT, he was NOT CHOKING HER. :mad: \*\* I will still be fucking irritated (in absentia) by fake pit threads that call folks into the pit to tell them how fucking great they are. It ceased to be clever about fifty nine years ago, which is amazing since the internet didn’t even exist. I will still hate SBC for insisting that I DO have a phone line and calling me _honey_ when I insist that I don’t. I hate that my developer swore our condo would be ready on June 5th and it still doesn’t have central air or phones. I’m angry that the “Latin Kings” already ‘tagged’ our condo with blue spray paint. My last name is McCartney…NOT MCCARTHY. I hate tomatoes, and olives and E.T., and I don’t like James Cameron and i think that Clay Aiken looks like a bloodles, boneless Egret. I hope you’ll have fun this summer without me, but just know…I’m still pretty mad. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/2 "2003-06-20T15:25:50Z")
FUCK YOU, JARBY. Olives are tasty and proof that god loves us. I’m with you on the tomatoes, though. Bitch. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/3 "2003-06-20T15:26:26Z")
Already looking forward to that rant in August. I think i’m gonna have to get some extra memory just to open that mother!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Siddhartha\_Vicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siddhartha_Vicious)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/4 "2003-06-20T15:26:40Z")
Have a good summer, Ms. McCarthy. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/5 "2003-06-20T15:26:49Z")
Christ, someone donate some old gear to Jar before she gets all upset! ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/6 "2003-06-20T15:27:37Z")
Fuck. That was like, a fake pit post. I’m in trouble now. Or I would be if Jarby was gonna be around, anyway. hahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/7 "2003-06-20T15:28:03Z")
For the love of fuck, get a $12 parallel port cable for your cell phone and dial in occasionally. You know you want to. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/8 "2003-06-20T15:28:18Z")
:: shakes fist at Johnathan:: I’ve got the gear, I need the phone line. ---
**Author:** ![Qazzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@Qazzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qazzz)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/9 "2003-06-20T15:29:09Z")
I’ll have a great summer, thanks! ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/10 "2003-06-20T15:30:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > and I will be without my computer (or rather internet access) for months and months (or at least until the middle of August) And I no doubt will be angry. You mean… _you don’t have a computer at home_? I thought that was illegal. Blasphemer! What happens in August? > [@](#): > > I will still be angry with Antonio Alfonseca, and Sammy Sosa, and the White Sox in general, and Mancow, and the Green Bay Packers. Who’s Mancow? Is he half man, half cow? I should look this up. I need more on this. > [@](#): > > I will try to refrain from yelling “HEY YOU KIDS…GET OUT OF MY YARD” even though since I’ve moved to the new condo I’ve had three kickballs hit my window and have been the unwily victim of “DING DONG DITCH” twice. Don’t be silly, I think you’re plenty wily. I thought your last name was Coyote. > [@](#): > > \*\*UNLESS THE MURDERER CLIMBED INSIDE THE WOMAN’S WINDPIPE AND BLOCKED IT, he was NOT CHOKING HER. :mad: \*\* I get all choked up when I read posts like this. > [@](#): > > I will still be fucking irritated (in absentia) by fake pit threads that call folks into the pit to tell them how fucking great they are. It ceased to be clever about fifty nine years ago, which is amazing since the internet didn’t even exist. We don’t do that to you because we prefer to email you that kind of stuff. 🙂 > [@](#): > > I will still hate SBC for insisting that I DO have a phone line and calling me _honey_ when I insist that I don’t. Do you call them “asshole” right on back? “Is says here you owe us $440.33, honey.” “Pardon me, but I don’t think that’s accurate, asshole.” > [@](#): > > I hate that my developer swore our condo would be ready on June 5th and it still doesn’t have central air or phones. No phones? No central air? Not a single luxury? > [@](#): > > My last name is McCartney…NOT MCCARTHY. Paul? Is that you? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/11 "2003-06-20T15:34:38Z")
Mancow is an annoying “shock jock” morning show DJ on a FM station here in Chicago. We hate you too, **jarbabyj**. (Huh? Oh, right…) Erm… happy hating? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/12 "2003-06-20T15:38:07Z")
I have a computer at home. It’s a great little computer. I have no phone line to hook it into. It irritates me. HATE YOU TOO FERRET HERDER 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/13 "2003-06-20T15:39:51Z")
A note on Choke and Strangle, the word usage is changing from use as martial arts terms. Strangle is used to denote blocking of the neck arteries to cause KO by loss of blood to the brain. Choke is used to denote a crushing attack against the wind pipe stoping the person from being able to breathe. Both are typicaly done by applying preassure to the neck area using the forearm. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/14 "2003-06-20T15:42:42Z")
Hey\*\* jar\*\*, belated congrats on the condo, missy!!! I, for one, will miss ya. Hope to see you soon. Have a great summer! God, I feel like I’m signing a yearbook or something. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/15 "2003-06-20T15:49:01Z")
Sigh… all the hatin’ in this thread… Makes me all misty… "jar… it was sooooo cool copying off you in enlish! Thanks, i almost passed! you r00xor somethin fierce!’ ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/16 "2003-06-20T15:50:01Z")
Don’t ever change! Stay Cool Missy! ---
**Author:** ![blanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f04885/32.png) [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/17 "2003-06-20T15:53:43Z")
A.S.S. K.I.T. And some other shit like that. I both eagerly await, and fear to the depths of my soul, the rant to be unleashed in August. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/18 "2003-06-20T16:02:07Z")
No rant till August? Your condo’s gonna be a penthouse. Miss you babyj. You take care now, you hear? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/19 "2003-06-20T16:11:25Z")
> [@](#): > > I hope you’ll have fun this summer without me, but just know…I’m still pretty mad. We love you anyway, **jarbabyj**. See you on the flip side. ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180/20 "2003-06-20T16:22:18Z")
Is she gone yet? Is it safe? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-final-rant/183180.md?page=2)