# The First Annual "Enough with the Penis threads for Og's sake" Pit Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 2, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777 "2004-09-02T15:45:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/1 "2004-09-02T15:45:10Z")
Okay, so you’re a male. And you’ve got a penis. And something’s wrong with it. Either it’s Too small Too wide Too colorful Too stringy Too limp Too hard Too pus-sy or just too damn bizarre for public consumption. I get that. I even have sympathy for that, even though I’m afflicted with none of the above. But see, there’s this part of the brain that tells you when you shouldn’t say something before an audience of thousands. And since that part of your brain obviously isn’t firing the right electrical synapse, I’m here to tell you to leave your dick out of this. It’s easy, you see? If you have problems with your johnson, just keep it to yourself. Or better yet, consult a doctor. And not one here at the SDMB, either. I mean a real-live doctor, one that can poke and prod your penis for problems. Maybe insert a Q-Tip, or draw some blood. Possibly prescribe a pill for your penis problems. Something. Anything. I’m not a penis expert. I wasn’t issued an owner’s manual or anything. If something goes wrong with my prick, I go ask someone with the proper credential to inform me if this is something to worried about. Furthermore, if I’m proud of my penis, I don’t start a thread, either. I’m happy you’re happy. Now keep it to yourself, you dick-waving weirdos. So in the future, I’ll thank all of you to keep your dick diatribes to a damned dull din. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/2 "2004-09-02T15:46:34Z")
[Actually…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=273886) ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/3 "2004-09-02T15:47:56Z")
So, **Chastain** , how’s it hangin’? Someone had to do it ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/4 "2004-09-02T16:04:38Z")
And where’s **nonpolar** when we need him?? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/5 "2004-09-02T16:12:46Z")
Today, the role of nonpolar will be taken by Rufus Xavier… Dudes ,I worried about my prick ,I been whacking a lot and now there is numb feeling ,should I try other hand? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/6 "2004-09-02T18:20:13Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > If you have problems with your johnson, just keep it to yourself. Or better yet, consult a doctor. And then let the DOCTOR post the story. It’s funnier that way. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/7 "2004-09-02T18:34:39Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > And then let the DOCTOR post the story. It’s funnier that way. Or let Qadcop become _ **Urologist to the Dopers** _! 😃 Then he can be the one who shares with all of us his learned opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/8 "2004-09-02T18:39:18Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > I wasn’t issued an owner’s manual or anything. There’s a _manual?_ :eek: I never got one! Guess that explains 7th grade. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/9 "2004-09-02T18:46:38Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > There’s a _manual?_ :eek: [Yes!](http://www.penisowner.com/pom/pom.html) Ironically, it bears a Doper’s name. Could it be? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/10 "2004-09-02T18:51:32Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > Okay, so you’re a male. > > And you’ve got a penis. And something’s wrong with it. Either it’s > > Too small > Too wide > Too colorful > Too stringy > Too limp > Too hard > Too pus-sy You left out unemployed, that’s the worst thing a penis can be. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/11 "2004-09-02T19:02:35Z")
**Chastain86** left my particular penis problem off the list so I guess I can talk about. See… I have a large amount of foreskin. It’s freakish really! It’s like I got enough foreskin to make a pair of gloves or something. I guess if I ever need a skin graft the doc will know where to go for extra skin. I mean, my foreskin is… OW! STOP! Quitting me **Chastain86**! OUCH! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/12 "2004-09-02T19:08:17Z")
And by quitting me **Chastain86** I mean quit hitting me. Damn foreskin. I unzip my pants and it spilled over onto my key board and got in my way… OW! STOP THAT! OW! OW! OW! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/13 "2004-09-02T19:08:27Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **Chastain86** left my particular penis problem off the list so I guess I can talk about. See… I have a large amount of foreskin. It’s freakish really! It’s like I got enough foreskin to make a pair of gloves or something. I guess if I ever need a skin graft the doc will know where to go for extra skin. I mean, my foreskin is… OW! STOP! Quitting me **Chastain86**! OUCH! [Omniscient Announcer Voice] And now walking down the runway is Stefan wearing the new foreskin evening gloves. While the color range is limited, they are good for day or night wear, though one _must_ remember the Labor Day rule when wearing the caucasian foreskin evening gloves. _bemused titters from the audience_ [/Omniscient Announcer Voice] ---
**Author:** ![Spree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@Spree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spree)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/14 "2004-09-02T19:19:25Z")
> [@Chastain86](#): > > Too stringy :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/15 "2004-09-03T05:55:59Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > **Chastain86** left my particular penis problem off the list so I guess I can talk about. See… I have a large amount of foreskin. It’s freakish really! It’s like I got enough foreskin to make a pair of gloves or something. I guess if I ever need a skin graft the doc will know where to go for extra skin. I mean, my foreskin is… OW! STOP! Quitting me **Chastain86**! OUCH! Oh, the mental pictures…get them out of my head! I think I’m only supposed to boil my brain once a week. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/16 "2004-09-03T06:13:44Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > [Omniscient Announcer Voice] > > And now walking down the runway is Stefan wearing the new foreskin evening gloves. While the color range is limited, they are good for day or night wear, though one _must_ remember the Labor Day rule when wearing the caucasian foreskin evening gloves. > > _bemused titters from the audience_ > > [/Omniscient Announcer Voice] :smack: Of COURSE! This explains EVERYTHING! THAT’s why OJ’s gloves didn’t fit in the courtroom! The AC was on! ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/17 "2004-09-03T07:53:09Z")
Mine’s OK, a little less than average. I photoshopped him into Penisman It’s quite therapeutic, lotsa fun. Email me if you wanna see it. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/18 "2004-09-03T12:17:56Z")
Does this look infected? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/19 "2004-09-03T13:11:06Z")
Gee, when not one but TWO penis threads make Threadspotting, what do you expect? Let’s all blame **TubaDiva** : Mr. Johnson, the doctor will see you now. Inmate Johnson, the doctor will see you now. ---
**Author:** ![ponderer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@ponderer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ponderer)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777/20 "2004-09-03T15:15:43Z")
Okay, I think we need to add another penis component to the dick bickering here. What about the penis head? You know, the part that looks like a huge button mushroom? (At least mine does) Is it a good thing to have one of these as large as possible? I have gotten spam before that claims to be able to enlarge this part with some sort of vacuum operated device. Is that good? Is it?Should I have a huge knot on the end of my Johnson? Would people cast their eyes in my direction in admiration and exclaim, “Look at that dickhead!” _sigh_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-annual-enough-with-the-penis-threads-for-ogs-sake-pit-thread/262777.md?page=2)