# The First Axiom of Car Repair **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 19, 2007, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028 "2007-11-19T13:38:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/1 "2007-11-19T13:38:02Z")
When a headlight burns out on your auto, it is always the one on the driver’s side. You know, the one that necessitates removing the car’s battery to change the bulb. Grrr… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/2 "2007-11-19T13:47:41Z")
To expand on this, if the job is a simple one - remove fixing screws and replace component - this will require the removal of seven other components, the majority of which have got rusted-shut bolts that require drilling out, and buying new components. Your drill will break and you will cut your knuckles. On reassembly, nothing will work and there will be two washers, an unidentifiable gasket, and a suspicious-looking nut left over. ---
**Author:** ![ASAKMOTSD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/919ad9/32.png) [@ASAKMOTSD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASAKMOTSD)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/3 "2007-11-19T14:46:55Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] On reassembly, nothing will work and there will be two washers, an unidentifiable gasket, and a suspicious-looking nut left over. [/QUOTE] A friend of mine was telling me that he is saving all the leftover parts in a box to build himself a new Volvo someday… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/4 "2007-11-19T14:47:53Z")
Replace both headlamps. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Sensitive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/5 "2007-11-19T14:51:29Z")
Mazda3, I’m looking at you! Removing a plastic underbody panel with 6 screws and some snap thingys, needing an odd wrench because its a canister filter, and being unable to drive onto ramps. You’re better than this Mazda. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/6 "2007-11-19T14:55:25Z")
I find that they go out when it’s 5 degrees outside, rather than 65. Nothing is more fun than kneeling on a frigid driveway trying to turn screws that haven’t been turned in 5 years. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/7 "2007-11-19T15:18:11Z")
A spanner is a device for applying to hex nuts which need to be rounded off. Any tool dropped while working on a car will roll under the vehicle to its exact geometric centre. The probability that it will hit your foot is directly proportion to the mass of the tool. Any small nut or similar fastener dropped on the ground will bounce a minimum of seventeen feet in a random direction, and instantly camouflage itself to match its surroundings. If you have a full set of socket spanners and Allen keys, your new vehicle will be held together with torx bolts, none of which are in a size matching any wrenches you already had. Any fastener that is at all difficult to get at and to which you can only apply a three-inch tool with the force of a single hand will have been tightened with an air wrench. Air wrenches can tell when they are being used by amateurs. In other than professional hands, their only use is to apply to hex nuts and round them off. The purpose of penetrating oil, WD40 or any similar product is to make the head of the fastener extremely slippery. It has, however, no noticeable effect on seized threads. An adjustable spanner has the useful trait of being an equally poor fit on any fastener you apply it to. It is, however, just the right tool to apply to hex nuts which need to be rounded off. Cross-head screws exist so that you can round something off on the inside for a change. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/8 "2007-11-19T15:25:44Z")
Heh. For Jeep owners: just go to the hacksaw right away, and save yourself a lot of time and trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/9 "2007-11-19T15:33:47Z")
Take off and nuke the car from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/10 "2007-11-19T15:49:08Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] A spanner is a device for applying to hex nuts which need to be rounded off. Any tool dropped while working on a car will roll under the vehicle to its exact geometric centre. The probability that it will hit your foot is directly proportion to the mass of the tool. Any small nut or similar fastener dropped on the ground will bounce a minimum of seventeen feet in a random direction, and instantly camouflage itself to match its surroundings. If you have a full set of socket spanners and Allen keys, your new vehicle will be held together with torx bolts, none of which are in a size matching any wrenches you already had. Any fastener that is at all difficult to get at and to which you can only apply a three-inch tool with the force of a single hand will have been tightened with an air wrench. Air wrenches can tell when they are being used by amateurs. In other than professional hands, their only use is to apply to hex nuts and round them off. The purpose of penetrating oil, WD40 or any similar product is to make the head of the fastener extremely slippery. It has, however, no noticeable effect on seized threads. An adjustable spanner has the useful trait of being an equally poor fit on any fastener you apply it to. It is, however, just the right tool to apply to hex nuts which need to be rounded off. Cross-head screws exist so that you can round something off on the inside for a change. [/QUOTE] Along these same lines, I’ve recently been restoring an old Raleigh bicycle, so I could entertain you for hours with the many ways Whitworth threads and tools will ruin your day. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/11 "2007-11-19T16:16:26Z")
[QUOTE=jjimm] To expand on this, if the job is a simple one - remove fixing screws and replace component - this will require the removal of seven other components, the majority of which have got rusted-shut bolts that require drilling out, and buying new components. Your drill will break and you will cut your knuckles. On reassembly, nothing will work and there will be two washers, an unidentifiable gasket, and a suspicious-looking nut left over. [/QUOTE] I find evidence of your theory every time I take to my “project car”. Right now, it needs a new choke linkage. The part costs $6. I haven’t ordered it yet, because just by looking, I can tell that it’s going to take me about a day and a half to pull apart the engine, replace the part, and put everyting back. I usually keep all the leftover bolts in a paper bag in the glove box so the car weighs the same when I’m done. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/12 "2007-11-19T16:24:11Z")
[QUOTE=Bayard] I usually keep all the leftover bolts in a paper bag in the glove box so the car weighs the same when I’m done. [/QUOTE] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/13 "2007-11-19T16:36:32Z")
Regardless of where you start, and which pattern you follow, the very last nut or bolt you need to remove will always be the one that you can’t loosen. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/14 "2007-11-19T18:23:57Z")
The moment you think, “Man, I sure hope I don’t have to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_.” you might as well go ahead get ready to do it, because that’s the _only_ thing that’s going fix the problem. ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/15 "2007-11-19T18:42:27Z")
- Might as well get aquainted with the cashier at the auto parts store, once a project is started you will be seeing them at least three more times. ---
**Author:** ![Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@Throatwarbler\_Mangrove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Throatwarbler_Mangrove)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/16 "2007-11-19T18:52:29Z")
Yay! bleeding knuckles! I just installed a stereo yesterday. Now my dashboard light and right side power window are dead. Put a multimeter on the fuse gets me 13a on a 10a fuse. Seems the wiring harness for the stereo is shorting it out. Joy. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/17 "2007-11-19T21:26:08Z")
Car parts all talk amongst themselves. They know when you’re doing a half-job and will conspire to spite you the next time it’s raining and after 10 PM. Replace Tom Thermostat without so much as looking at Harry and Harriet? You know them, the Hose family from Radiator Springs? Well, they’ll soon come to miss Tom and develop animosity to Theresa Thermostat (the parts book claims Theresa is a direct replacement for Tom, but the Hoses disagree…) Well, the Hoses will get into a fight until one of them loses their temper and blows up. ---
**Author:** ![Runestar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@Runestar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runestar)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/18 "2007-11-19T21:37:45Z")
And as an additional rule: The low-level drone at the auto-parts store will be unaware that your particular brand of auto has different bulbs for the driver’s-side and passenger’s-side headlamps. Even though you have a 50-50 shot at obtaining the right bulb despite your ignorance, you will always end up with the wrong one. You will only discover the ‘different bulbs’ requirement after wrestling with the wrong one in the gathering darkness, and cursing yourself because you can’t make it fit. Honda, I’m looking at you!! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/19 "2007-11-19T21:46:32Z")
I have less-than-fond memories of replacing a headlight on a long-gone car. The trim that had to be removed in order to access the bulb was held in place with torx screws. Because, you know, phillips head screws would have made it too easy. I’m not even going to go into the replacement of headlights on the New Beetle. The owner’s manual directs you to the dealer to have the lights replaced. Fortunately, someone posted directions with photos online. I printed off those pages and they’re stored in the manual. Stoopit VW… ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028/20 "2007-11-19T21:47:50Z")
[QUOTE=Runestar] And as an additional rule: The low-level drone at the auto-parts store will be unaware that your particular brand of auto has different bulbs for the driver’s-side and passenger’s-side headlamps. Even though you have a 50-50 shot at obtaining the right bulb despite your ignorance, you will always end up with the wrong one. You will only discover the ‘different bulbs’ requirement after wrestling with the wrong one in the gathering darkness, and cursing yourself because you can’t make it fit. Honda, I’m looking at you!! [/QUOTE] At least you figured out what the problem was. I just sold my truck. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-axiom-of-car-repair/427028.md?page=2)