# The First Intergalactic Church of Xenu **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 27, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083 "2005-06-27T19:36:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/1 "2005-06-27T19:36:17Z")
Is anyone as tempted as I am to start a faked-up religion worshipping Xenu, the would-be nemesis of the Scientologists? Occasionally, buying an ad in various papers proclaiming a Xenusian victory, having conquered the Scientologists of the Third Planet of Altair… making vague proclamations of the impending doom of the Earth, that sort of thing? ---
**Author:** ![Bendarr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e56c9b/32.png) [@Bendarr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bendarr)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/2 "2005-06-27T19:44:48Z")
Personally, I and a number of my friends follow more along the lines of Boogah the petrified weasel god of strange coincidence. Boogah’s holy symbol is wood grain (the vinyl plastic type not the actual tree woodgrain). We have a tendency to make comments about strange coicidences as the Paw of Boogah strikeing. An example of this was once we were watching Star Trek: The wrath of khan one evening at just after Khan says “So, not so badly hurt as we were lead to believe! So much the better!” right then becky’s cuccko clock went “cuckoo!! cuckoo!!” Thus a boogah moment was born. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/3 "2005-06-27T19:50:38Z")
I read this in the _Times_ this weekend: > [@](#): > > Bibleman, dauntless star of television, DVD and video games who guards the Biblecave, vanquishes Satan’s messengers and quotes Scripture like there’s a heck of a tomorrow . . . Bibleman’s archenemy, Wacky Protestor, has hatched an invention called A.R.T., for Animated Reconstructive Transport, “an animated world where there are no churches, no Bibles, no faith, and best of all … no God!” I thought, finally! A super-villain I can really get behind! ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/4 "2005-06-27T22:30:54Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I read this in the _Times_ this weekend: > > I thought, finally! A super-villain I can really get behind! I’m assuming this was meant to be its own thread? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/5 "2005-06-27T23:20:41Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I read this in the _Times_ this weekend: > > I thought, finally! A super-villain I can really get behind! Is that the Bibleman who was on _Charles in Charge_ and _Eight is Enough_? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/6 "2005-06-27T23:40:40Z")
1.) Xenu is All. 2.) Irony is nifty. 3.) Did we mention Xenu is all? Pi) Xenu commands… ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/7 "2005-06-27T23:48:03Z")
The eternal battery could not hold him? NOOOOOOO ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/8 "2005-06-28T01:26:26Z")
This Sunday on Pay per view: The worlds fisrt cage match of the gods!!! **Xenu** : Destroyer of worlds, arch nemesis of Scientology VS. **Og** : OG SMASH! OG SMITE! Who is the greater god? WATCH as they fight it out on an ethereal plain of existance! ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/9 "2005-06-28T16:31:10Z")
Maybe some T-shirts Thetans, the other white meat. Merchant of Chaos. What would Xenu do? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/10 "2005-06-28T16:34:48Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I thought, finally! A super-villain I can really get behind! If you read the gnostic version, he is the super-hero, not the other guy. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/11 "2005-06-28T17:11:58Z")
I once considered something very very like this, and named it the “Cult of Scinufology” (the sacred science of UFOs). My slogan: “Why pay Clearwater prices?!” And me dressed up in wizard’s robes with a tinfoil hat. But man! Billboards are _expensive_. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/12 "2005-06-28T17:59:10Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Occasionally, buying an ad in various papers proclaiming a Xenusian victory, having conquered the Scientologists of the Third Planet of Altair… making vague proclamations of the impending doom of the Earth, that sort of thing? Instead of dooming the earth, I think Xenu worshipers should proclaim that he is _saving_ the earth from the evil minions of Scientology. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/13 "2005-06-28T18:19:54Z")
Cut me in for a share of the profits, and the occassional orgy (What fun is a cult that doesn’t have orgies?), and I’m there, baby! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/14 "2005-06-28T18:22:19Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Cut me in for a share of the profits, and the occassional orgy (What fun is a cult that doesn’t have orgies?), and I’m there, baby! Will there be grapes? I’m not joining without grapes! Also at a brief glance with guesses for some of the members it seems girls are outnumbered by guys in this religion 4 to 11. I guess the orgies will be more fun for the girls, but still. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/15 "2005-06-28T18:31:02Z")
First, you get the religion, then you get the women, and then you get the power! Bwahahahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/16 "2005-06-28T18:47:59Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Will there be grapes? > > I’m not joining without grapes! (greenish) White, or purple? Also, how many? 72? ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/17 "2005-06-29T05:45:47Z")
> [@Captain Lance Murdoch](#): > > Instead of dooming the earth, I think Xenu worshipers should proclaim that he is _saving_ the earth from the evil minions of Scientology. Nah, just follow the [Eaten First!](http://www.genfoods.net/cthulhu/default.html) philosophy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/18 "2005-06-29T05:53:34Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Nah, just follow the [Eaten First!](http://www.genfoods.net/cthulhu/default.html) philosophy. 😃 I can never get tired of his reaction: “Eaten first? What the fuck kind of advantage is that?” ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/19 "2005-06-29T07:27:06Z")
I am the Thetan Gar-EL! You have only freed me to realize my true purpose as adjutant Xenusian. My master commands me in first directive: enslavement! I have laid siege to the golden discs under the mountain. I await… ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/20 "2005-06-29T07:34:04Z")
Are auditiors excorcists? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083.md?page=2)