# The First Intergalactic Church of Xenu **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 27, 2005, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083 "2005-06-27T19:36:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/21 "2005-06-29T07:35:57Z")
Do the scientologists have a current prophet? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/22 "2005-06-29T13:22:01Z")
Tom Cruise? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/23 "2005-06-29T13:38:19Z")
The great thing about scientology is you can be a prophet … and profit! ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/24 "2005-06-29T13:48:52Z")
Shhhh! The Operating Thetans are listening. We must take this planning to the underground. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/25 "2005-06-29T14:09:16Z")
When we start with this…I call dibs on being the Official Accountant. Cause I’m so bad with math, but I really need platinum toilets. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/26 "2005-06-29T16:04:52Z")
I say we copy the Free Katie shirts, only we make up shirts that say “Free Xenu!” Because isn’t he still trapped inside a volcano or something? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/27 "2005-06-29T16:07:11Z")
We should hold rallies and accuse scientologists of being “Xenuphobes”!! ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/28 "2005-06-30T20:55:30Z")
I love this thread! There never can be too much $cientology mocking. I’ll join. Xenu rules! (I never could understand why the $cienos hate Xenu so much. If not for him they wouldn’t exist. You’d think they’d worship him.) ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/29 "2005-06-30T22:15:25Z")
The question is, what celebrities do we get to join so that we’ll be pop-pop-popular? For out spokespersons, I nominate Patrick Stewart, Christopher Walken and Kevin Smith. I also nominate Grace Park, Jeri Ryan and Pamela Anderson to invite to the orgies. I wonder if they like grapes… ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/30 "2005-06-30T22:20:53Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Maybe some T-shirts [Knights of Xenu](http://www.cafepress.com/magentastudios.20647512) ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2005, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/31 "2005-06-30T23:37:14Z")
> [@Tastes of Chocolate](#): > > [Knights of Xenu](http://www.cafepress.com/magentastudios.20647512) You do realize this makes us all **K.O.X.**! ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/32 "2005-07-01T00:57:33Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > The question is, what celebrities do we get to join so that we’ll be pop-pop-popular? Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage openly mocked $cientology, which makes it all the more weird that Cage married Lisa Marie Presley for about 2 seconds. Maybe she really thought she could convert him, just like she thought she could convert Jacko. Mike Farrell hates $cientology, and Emilio Estevez refused to be interviewed about $cn once and said “l just don’t want to end up with my phones tapped.” ([Cite](http://www.xenu.org/factnet/GEN/FILES/MEDIA01/PREMIERE.TXT), though warning, it’s way out-of-date\* and sometimes inaccurate\*\*, there are numerous uncorrected OCR mistakes, and it’s very hard to read.) - I haven’t re-read the whole story since it first appeared in Premiere, but I skimmed it looking for the Estevez reference. They refer to CAN, which, last time I heard, is now owned by $cientology. They sued it out from under the owners. \*\* Brad Pitt may have taken some courses when he dated Juliette Lewis, but I don’t think he ever actually became a $cientologist. If he ever did, he hasn’t been one for years. Smart guy. This is another interesting but out-of-date reference, the [$cientology Celebrity FAQ](http://archive.alphanet.ch/autofaq/scientology/celebrities). Plus, while searching around I found [this forum thread](http://www.xenu.net/cgi-bin/discus/discus.cgi?pg=next&topic=730&page=1911). I haven’t finished reading all of it yet… Anyway, I get the **XENU’S SISTER** T-shirt! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/33 "2005-07-01T02:00:54Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > I can never get tired of his reaction: “Eaten first? What the fuck kind of advantage is that?” I quite agree. Besides, I’ll bet Xenu could stomp Cthulhu like a silverfish. As far as Perfect Masters go, my heart is with Cecil and [Kibo,](http://kibo.com/) but my money is on Xenu and [[http://www.subgenius.com/](http://www.subgenius.com/)]“Bob”. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/34 "2005-07-01T02:03:15Z")
Excuse please…[“Bob”.](http://www.subgenius.com/) [sub]It’s been a loooong day.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/35 "2005-07-01T02:11:28Z")
> [@mstay](#): > > The eternal battery could not hold him? NOOOOOOO Eh, it couldn’t hold Parallax. Does this mean Scientologists have a vulnerability to yellow? How about wood? Somebody get Big Bird with a Louisville slugger over to Tom Cruise’s house! ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/36 "2005-07-01T02:13:37Z")
Oh, I’m in. I’m so in. Free Xenu! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/37 "2005-07-01T02:15:27Z")
> [@Wolfian](#): > > Somebody get Big Bird with a Louisville slugger over to Tom Cruise’s house! Oh, Og! If only I knew Photoshop! ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/38 "2005-07-01T05:51:03Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Is anyone as tempted as I am to start a faked-up religion worshipping Xenu, the would-be nemesis of the Scientologists? > > Occasionally, buying an ad in various papers proclaiming a Xenusian victory, having conquered the Scientologists of the Third Planet of Altair… making vague proclamations of the impending doom of the Earth, that sort of thing? Hell, I wouldn’t just join; I’d tithe. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/39 "2005-07-01T12:38:25Z")
This is priceless: [Halloween with Xenu.](http://www.taniwha.com/xenu.html) [sub]Xenu drinks beer. Xenu also wears Birkenstocks. He’s really a pretty regular feller for a Galactic Overlord.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083/40 "2005-07-01T18:42:02Z")
> [@look!ninjas](#): > > Oh, I’m in. I’m so in. Free Xenu! Oh, I don’t know about that. I find $14.95 a year to be quite reasonable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-first-intergalactic-church-of-xenu/310083.md?page=1)